Ask Someone Else's Mom

DEAR SOMEONE ELSE’S MOM: All my 12-year-old grandson keeps asking for for his next birthday is a complete drum set. His dad had one when he was his age and so like father like son, I suppose. And if I weren’t living with my son’s family, I would think it’s a fine idea.

I live in the basement apartment the kids rigged up for me after my wife and I split and she moved in with her new guy. I like my little nest. I am close to my grandkids and I get along well with my son and daughter-in-law.

That could all change though if I have to hear my grandson banging away on the drums they said will be set up in the family room, which happens to be right above my bedroom.

I am more or less a guest here, although I do pay a little rent to help offset the kids’ expenses. So does that give me a say in living underneath a budding Keith Moon? --- WANT A DRUM-FREE ZONE

DEAR WANT A DRUM-FREE ZONE: As an immediate member of the family in whose house you reside, it isn’t unreasonable to offer your opinion on the impending arrival of the drums and how your grandson’s practicing on them will affect you.

However, it’s not your house, and the folks who pay the mortgage get to have the final say in such matters.

My advice to you is to invest in a good pair of noise-cancelling headphones or earbuds.

DEAR SOMEONE ELSE’S MOM: I turn 14 this May and I have already told my mom I do not want to spend two months with my dad this summer, like I have since I was seven. I want to do band camp and have more time with my boyfriend and other friends.

Where my dad is I only have a little stepbrother and two girls I have hung out with every summer, and the two girls told me they were not going to be around much of the summer because they are traveling with their families and one of them also has to do summer school.

I know it will hurt my dad when I tell him, but is not hurting his feelings enough of a reason to make myself unhappy for eight weeks every summer? --- WANT TO STAY HOME

DEAR WANT TO STAY HOME: Hopefully your father will understand how your life is changing as you grow older. It seems to me at the very least you certainly owe him a conversation about how and what you’re feeling.

Perhaps you can consider still giving him at least some time this summer, even if it’s a week or two. That could lessen the sting of his not getting to spend all the time with you he may be counting on.

In addition to your dad’s feelings, there’re potentially also legally binding custody arrangements that have to be taken into account and which would be another good reason for working out a compromise with your parents for your summer vacation.

DEAR SOMEONE ELSE’S MOM: When we bought our home two years ago both sets of our parents said we were making a mistake and buying at a bad time because of the interest rates.

We had enough savings to put in a downpayment and together we were making enough to easily pay the mortgage. Even with the high interest rates we were in a good place to get our own home, especially since at that time the rent we were paying got seriously jacked up and we thought we should start building equity instead of giving our greedy landlord more money.

Last week our house went into foreclosure. My husband lost his job and could only find parttime work and my company froze raises for 2025 following a bad 2024.

Because we put all our savings into the house, we didn’t have anything to pull from when things got tight.

Neither of us has told our families yet about the foreclosure. We are still hoping to find a way out of it and have been given some hope by what we have been told by a friend who went through the same thing. We could not stand the “told you so’s” we know we would get from our parents.

We also don’t want them to think we are just telling them about our foreclosure so we can borrow money from them, which is not an option.

So are we doing right to keep our situation to ourselves? --- FIGHTING TO KEEP OUR HOME

DEAR FIGHTING TO KEEP OUR HOME: Hopefully you’ll be able to find a solution to your foreclosure.

Since you’re in the process of exploring your options, and there’s still a chance all isn’t yet lost, perhaps there’s no harm in waiting to share your situation with your families until you have some kind of resolution ‒ even if it’s an unfavorable one.

However, if either of you are close with your parents and would readily share other kinds of news with them, keeping your troubles to yourself may add more strain to an already difficult time for you and your husband, and after withstanding a few “told you so’s” you’ll possibly find your parents are a valuable resource in areas other than lending money.