Ask Someone Else's Mom

DEAR SOMEONE ELSE’S MOM: A couple my husband and I are friends with since forever recently divorced. It was a sad enough situation, but now things have turned nasty with a custody war starting up over their two kids.

My husband and his partner have a small general law practice, which means they can and sometimes do handle family law cases. Our divorcing friends know that and both have tried to tap him to represent them, which I think is a really bad idea. Honestly, even if he refers one of them to his partner and the other to someone else he thinks will do right by them, I don’t see how this ends well because someone is going to feel like he steered them wrong if things fail to go their way.

We are both trying to be neutral in the divorce since we are good friends with both the husband and wife. Besides that, our kids and their kids are also good friends, and the whole thing is just complicated enough without my husband getting involved professionally. Don’t you agree?

My husband and I both know that his turning both of them down will cause some hard feelings. I know they trust and respect my husband, but there’s no way this ends well if he or even his partner takes on one of the spouses. --- NEEDS TO STAY OUT OF IT

DEAR NEEDS TO STAY OUT OF IT: I absolutely agree with you that your husband’s taking on either of your friends as a client in their custody battle would be a bad idea. I see how his giving specific referrals could also result in problems.

Perhaps his best bet is to sit down with both halves of the divorcing couple and explain his point-of-view and his need to stay uninvolved in their current legal actions.

Hopefully your friends will understand, if not now, then eventually when everything they’re dealing with is settled.

DEAR SOMEONE ELSE’S MOM: My mother-in-law tells me my husband was sleeping through the night by the time he was a month old. He told me he expects that our baby should be able to do that too and that I am not doing the right thing by not putting our six-week old son on a regular schedule.

I believe a newborn is going to follow his own schedule. He isn’t going to fall into line with his Daddy’s expectations just because he thinks he should.

Shouldn’t a baby be let to follow his own schedule? --- FOLLOWING NATURE

DEAR FOLLOWING NATURE: My experience with babies is that just like adults, no two behave exactly alike. Eventually it should be more possible and is most certainly a good idea to get him on a schedule, for his sake and yours. At six weeks, however, that’s likely a bit of an impossible mission.

I’d suggest you check with your pediatrician for recommendations on setting a schedule for your newborn. Online sources may give you general guidelines, but your baby’s doctor has a direct connection to you and your baby and ought to have insights specific to your situation.

DEAR SOMEONE ELSE’S MOM: When I started in pharmaceutical sales it was because I thought it was a good use of my BS in biology and I have a desire to help make life better for people. Even my parents warned me I was being an idealist. I really don’t mind. I am good at what I do and am lucky to work for a company with a solid reputation and strong track record.

There was a guy I used to run up against from another pharma company who we literally called “The Shark” because of how hard he sold his company’s product. That company currently has major legal issues and now this guy is one of my coworkers. Since he got here the vibe in sales has totally changed.

This guy is pushing into not only his old company’s territories, which he was obviously brought in to do, but is starting to poach existing clients from others of us in sales. What we sometimes hear coming out of his mouth is hard to believe. He will say or do anything to close even a small deal.

We know he’s impressing our VP, but the rest of us say at what cost to the company’s reputation and our commissions?

Doesn’t management see that the short-term gains could hurt our company in the long-run when some of his tactics backfire? --- A SHARK IN THE TANK

DEAR A SHARK IN THE TANK: Companies are in business to thrive, and it sounds like your new fellow salesperson is helping yours do just that, which makes it unlikely management will find fault with his tactics so long as he continues to help their bottom line.

I can imagine how discouraging his behavior is to you and the other members of the sales staff who continue to keep true to what you see as the mission and philosophy of the company.

The new guy may misstep at some point, but in the meantime, don’t feel you need to become more like him to be successful. At the end of the day, you should measure your success by your own standards, not those of others.