DEAR ABBY: Our problem is our son, John (not his real name). He is 16 years old and thinks he is in love. The girl he thinks he's in love with is 21 and she's in a big hurry to get married.

John will be barely 18 when he graduates from high school. He had planned to go to a four-year college, plus three years of law school, and his father and I were prepared to finance his college education.

Now he tells us that his girlfriend wants to get married as soon as he turns 18. Abby, we have nothing against this girl; we just wish they would wait until he finishes at least four years of college. I think she figures that since we've agreed to support John all through his college years, we would support both of them if they were married. John is a very bright kid, but this girl has him wrapped around her finger. Please tell us what to do. -- JOHN'S MOM

DEAR MOM: Perhaps if you were to tell John that if he marries at 18 he will have to finance his own college education, he may reconsider marrying so young. It may also give his girlfriend reason to reconsider.

DEAR ABBY: As a music appreciation teacher at Marin Community College in Kentfield, Calif., I read with special interest the letter from the woman who had been a member of a tour group in Kiev, the Republic of Ukraine, U.S.S.R., when one of the members tried to organize a group sing-along. She was left wondering which songs are the most widely known among our population.

I threw the question out to my students, and they came up with the following songs to which everyone knows the melody: "Happy Birthday," "Take Me Out to the Ball Game," "You Are My Sunshine," "Daisy, Daisy," "My Bonnie Lies Over the Ocean," "Comin' Round the Mountain," "Yankee Doodle," "Dixie" and "When Irish Eyes Are Smiling." -- JUDY SILVER

DEAR JUDY: My congratulations to your students. And by the way, I just learned (from a couple of hundred readers) that Kiev is not in Russia, as I had erroneously stated; it is in the Ukraine. My apologies. They must have moved the borders. When I was a girl, all the people who emigrated from Kiev called themselves "Russians."

DEAR ABBY: After 25 years of marriage and my putting on a "few" extra pounds, my wife now repeatedly tries to get me to take cold showers before we go to bed. She claims that the energy my body will expend reheating the surface of my skin will burn up enormous amounts of calories, thus making me more attractive to her.

Is this some new fad, or at least is the principle valid? I can't help feeling she has some ulterior motive, although she's always quite honest with me. -- J.H. IN LEVITTOWN, N.Y.

DEAR J.H.: If it's a new fad, it's news to me. The only proven method of weight loss that I'm aware of is a change in eating habits and a regular program of exercise. Cold showers dampen the ardor; they will not burn calories.

To get Abby's booklet "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a long, business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I am a 62-year-old widow, just retired from my teaching job. I am seeing a 69-year-old widower. At first I felt fortunate to have found someone so kind, gentle and honest. He talks of marriage, but there is always something to delay it. First he needed foot surgery, then he had a respiratory problem, then heart problems. He claims he wants to marry me, but there always seems to be something standing in the way.

Mind you, I am not pressuring him. As a matter of fact, I'm having second thoughts about it myself. Of course, we'd have a prenuptial agreement, but why should I marry him to be his nurse in his old age? He's a lousy lover, and he as much as told me he doesn't care for sex. He's financially secure, but so am I. He has a fine home, but so have I.

We've gone together for two years and have had some lovely trips. I would appreciate your opinion, Abby. -- MUTUALLY COMPATIBLE

DEAR COMPATIBLE: Why marry? Why don't you two compatible people just shake hands and continue to be close friends?

DEAR ABBY: I was so infuriated by the letter from the woman (I won't call her a lady) who couldn't stand having workmen using her bathroom facilities, that I had to cool off for a couple of weeks before I could even respond.

My husband is a carpenter. His work clothes may be stained (they get that way in his business), but they are clean. He showers every night to wash off the dirt -- sometimes filth -- he gets while he works.

One cannot be stupid and be a good carpenter, plumber or electrician. If he's self-employed, as my husband is, he must also be a good businessman. He works hard without such benefits as company-provided health insurance, paid vacations and pension plans. If he's injured on the job, we'd better have money in the bank to live on because the state doesn't have workmen's compensation for us. And if business is slow, he can't file for unemployment. These are some of the reasons why good carpenters, cabinetmakers, plumbers, etc., are becoming an endangered species.

People like her are usually very grateful to have a workman show up when they have a problem -- sometimes in the bathroom she's so stingy with. Maybe somebody should remind her that Jesus was a carpenter. Would she begrudge him the use of her facilities? -- FURIOUS IN FORT WAYNE

DEAR FURIOUS: Well said, lady. Very well said.

CONFIDENTIAL TO G.F.F. IN DAYTON, OHIO: Your friend who claims to be a direct descendant of either Orville or Wilbur Wright is wrong: Both Wright brothers were bachelors.

Abby's family recipes are included in her cookbooklet. Send a long, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Cookbooklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054. (Postage is included.)

DEAR READERS: Most occupational and public office titles originated when only men performed these jobs. Today, women are involved in all occupations, making sex-labeled titles discriminatory.

Occupational titles should describe the job -- not the person doing the job. Some examples:

Forget "lady doctor" -- she is a doctor (who happens to be a woman).

No more "woman lawyer" -- she is a lawyer.

Forget "waitress" -- the correct form is waiter or server.

No more "meter maid" -- meter attendant is correct.

An "authoress" is simply an author.

A "housewife" is now properly called a homemaker.

Perhaps it won't surprise you that these updated terms come from "The Practical Guide to Non-Sexist Language," courtesy of the National Organization for Women in St. Louis, Mo.

While the titles "Miss" and "Mrs." originally were used to distinguish female children from adult women, the titles identify marital status: A "Mrs." is married, a "Miss" is not.

The dissatisfaction of many women with this labeling system led eventually to the use of "Ms." (The American Heritage Dictionary defines "Ms." as "a title of courtesy used before a woman's surname, without regard to her marital status.")

A woman's professional or academic title takes precedence over a social title: Chancellor Jane Roe, or Jane Roe, Ph.D., not Ms. Jane Roe.

And when writing a memorandum to one's office staff, it is correct to say, "Everyone is expected to do the (not his) job well."

Finally, as the guide notes, "Neither sex has a monopoly on jobs, with two exceptions: wet nurses and sperm donors."

DEAR ABBY: My 3-year-old grandson hits almost everyone he associates with, especially his father! His baby brother is now 4 months old, and "Big Brother" has become more abusive since the baby arrived.

My daughter and her husband do not hit him back; they try to reason with him, but they are afraid he will harm another child with a stick, etc., which he likes to have in his hands most of the time.

In my day, I would have sat him in a chair and delivered a firm lecture, and I would have forbidden any "weapons" for him to play with until the hitting stopped. But this advice does not seem to fit into "today's" upbringing.

I live 1,000 miles away from them, so I'm not around enough for my feelings (or any part of my body) to be hurt from my grandson's aggression. But I sure would appreciate a solution. Thank you. -- FLORIDA GRANDMA

DEAR FLORIDA GRANDMA: "Big Brother" is acting out his feelings of jealousy with regard to the new baby, which is only natural. But your daughter and son-in-law should take a lesson from you and nip the child's aggressive behavior before it gets out of control.

And if the aggression persists, the parents should consult a professional for guidance.

People are eating them up! For Abby's favorite recipes, send a long, business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Cookbooklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054. (Postage is included.)