DEAR ABBY: I will be 50 next year. My daughter is determined to throw me a party, but I'm not interested in acknowledging my age. In fact, thinking about it throws me into a panic.

I realize this is my problem, but how can I make her understand that this is something I truly do not want and I won't attend? She thinks I'm joking. -- 49 AND HOLDING

DEAR HOLDING: Your daughter is well-meaning but insensitive. Because you can't make her comprehend that birthdays have different connotations for different people, and that you prefer to "forget" about this one, plan an enjoyable getaway for yourself the week that yours rolls around and leave town. And every time you feel yourself going into a panic, practice this mantra: 50 is the new 30. Once you make up your mind to accept it, then you -- like so many others -- will believe it and calm down. Aging is normal. It's stress that's the killer.

DEAR ABBY: I recently inherited some money. The amount is enough to allow me to leave a job I find stifling and set up my own business without having to worry about money for the first year.

I am excited about it, but I'm getting nothing but doom and disapproval from my family. My husband says he supports me, but has confided that he's afraid I'm going to plunge us into poverty. My parents and siblings tell me I'm being irresponsible and wasting money I could be investing for retirement. They remind me of how many small businesses fail and tell me I'm "crazy" to leave a secure job.

I want to take advantage of this opportunity, but my family's attitude is starting to make me doubt myself. Am I naive and irresponsible? -- AMBITIOUS IN AUSTRALIA

DEAR AMBITIOUS: No, you're a woman with a dream. And that's OK. Until a century ago, nobody thought man could fly, and now we've struck water on the moon.

HOWEVER, just to cover your bases and see if your dream is practical, write a business plan and take it to a bank to see if they would be willing to lend you money to start your business. If the answer is yes, I see no reason why you shouldn't invest in yourself (at zero interest).

DEAR ABBY: I am 30 and have been dating my girlfriend, "Megan," for a few months. She's 22. I'm in love with her, but I can't seem to get something out of my head.

Megan told me she is bisexual. She says she has never been with a woman, but she's attracted to them. I was in this situation before. My last girlfriend left me for another woman, and I'm afraid it'll happen again. I love Megan and would like to spend the rest of my life with her, but I'm afraid she may one day decide she missed out on something and want to pursue other options.

Megan swears she wouldn't cheat on me with anyone -- man or woman. Should I end this now, before we go any further, or am I being paranoid and worrying for nothing? -- CONFUSED IN RHODE ISLAND

DEAR CONFUSED: Megan has been honest with you. She's also 22, and she may not be sure of exactly who she is. Until she's certain about what she wants, it is premature of you to be considering a permanent relationship. At 30, you are ready to settle down. Megan may need time and the freedom to do some exploring before she will be.

DEAR ABBY: I have been married to "Mick" for 22 years -- most of them happy. My problem is his communication skills. I have always had a hard time contacting him. He has a cell phone, but won't take it out of his vehicle.

Recently, our daughter came home from college. We had planned to go to dinner with her and her boyfriend. When Mick didn't show up, I tried without success to contact him. My daughter tried and then my son did, too. This went on for an hour and a half. We were worried sick, so we started calling his friends and co-workers -- anyone who might know his whereabouts.

Abby, I have a serious heart condition that could send me to the hospital at any time.

Mick finally called back and said he had gotten distracted talking with an old friend. He acted like we were crazy for being concerned, and insists he did nothing wrong.

All I have ever asked is that my husband and kids give me a quick call to let me know if they're going to be late so I won't worry. My son and daughter do it, but Mick refuses. He says he's the breadwinner, and he should not have to answer to anyone. I have put up with this for years, but now I have had enough. What do you think? -- SICK AND TIRED OF IT, IN SOUTH CAROLINA

DEAR SICK AND TIRED OF IT: Candidly, I think Mick is acting more like a rebellious teenager rather than a caring husband. Because he has been this way for 22 years, I seriously doubt he is capable of change. That's why I also think you should talk to your attorney about adding another family member to your Advance Directive for Health Care, in case you have a medical emergency and your husband is -- as usual -- unreachable. Please give this the serious consideration it deserves because your life could depend on it.

DEAR ABBY: I married "Marge" 18 months ago. It was a second marriage for both of us. We agreed to sell our homes and buy something together. Mine sold and now I'm in her house.

Things were going fine until Marge's daughter and son-in-law moved back in. It was supposed to be a three- or four-day stay, but it's now into the fifth week. They always claim to be right on the edge of leaving.

Marge enjoys having her daughter near her, but this is stressful for me. They sleep until noon every day and stay up late. They enjoy all that we have earned throughout our lives, and offer nothing in the way of rent.

I am not allowed to complain. I have been given the option to say "Go," but I know it will cause hard feelings from them and Marge. I am to the point where I'm ready to move out. -- TRAPPED IN THEIR HOUSE

DEAR TRAPPED: More troubling than the fact you appear to have been invaded by freeloaders is that you say you are "not allowed" to voice your feelings about it. Marriage is supposed to be a partnership of equals, and if one partner is not happy, healthy couples work out an agreeable solution together. Because you have been unable to do this, I recommend marriage counseling before you pack your bags.

With counseling I'm hoping you and Marge can form a united front in telling "the kids" they have a deadline to be out instead of you being forced into the role of "bad guy." Moving out should be your last option, because once you do, the move may be permanent.

Abby shares more than 100 of her favorite recipes in two booklets: "Abby's Favorite Recipes" and "More Favorite Recipes by Dear Abby." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $12 (U.S. funds)

DEAR ABBY: A few years ago, you printed a poem about children with special needs having been sent by God to special parents who can nurture and care for them.

Our neighbors -- dear friends of ours -- have a new baby who has challenges. Although there are days that bring with them frustrations, this loving couple is doing a wonderful job of parenting their beautiful little girl.

With the holidays approaching, would you print that poem again? I would like to give a copy to my neighbors. -- IN AWE IN MARYLAND

DEAR IN AWE: The poem you're referring to is titled, "Heaven's Very Special Child," and it's certainly worth sharing again. The author, Edna Massimilla, wrote it after her daughter -- a child with Down syndrome -- was born.

I have always found its message to be very moving and, when I spoke to Edna, she told me it was written to emphasize that every creation is for a purpose. She's in her 90s now and still writing poems and songs -- especially for children with disabilities. Read on:

HEAVEN'S VERY SPECIAL CHILD

A meeting was held quite far from Earth.

It was time again for another birth.

Said the Angels to the Lord above --

"This special child will need much love.

"Her progress may be very slow,

"Accomplishment she may not show.

"And she'll require extra care

"From the folks she meets down there.

"She may not run or laugh or play,

"Her thoughts may seem quite far away.

"So many times she will be labeled

"'different,' 'helpless' and disabled.

"So, let's be careful where she's sent.

"We want her life to be content.

"Please, Lord, find the parents who

"Will do a special job for you.

"They will not realize right away

"The leading role they are asked to play.

"But with this child sent from above

"Comes stronger faith, and richer love.

"And soon they'll know the privilege given

"In caring for their gift from heaven.

"Their precious charge, so meek and mild

"Is heaven's very special child."

DEAR ABBY: Please help correct a holiday misnomer that seems to be growing more entrenched each year. The reindeer in Clement Moore's "'Twas the Night Before Christmas" is DONDER, not Donner! The name continues to be misspoken in TV commercials, so I'm asking your help. Suggestion: Tell your readers to find a copy and read it to their kids or grandkids. -- DONDER FAN IN VALLEY SPRINGS, CALIF.

DEAR DONDER FAN: That's an excellent suggestion. I'm in favor of any opportunity parents and grandparents can create to read to children. Not only is it an enjoyable bonding experience, it gives children an incentive to learn to read for themselves.

P.S. In case any of you don't remember the names of the rest of Santa's reindeer, they are: Dasher, Dancer, Prancer, Vixen, Comet, Cupid, DONDER and Blitzen. (Rudolph was added later.)