DEAR ABBY: "Hayley" is one of the few good friends I have at college. We take a class together. It's in a building across campus, so I drive. I always contact Hayley to see if she wants me to take her. (She typically does.) Because the class requires physical activity, we dress in appropriate clothing.

When I pick Hayley up, I am already dressed and ready to go. The problem is, she isn't. She is either eating or on her computer when I arrive. Once I come in, she begins to get ready. This has made us late for class several times. It has reached the point that I have to arrive earlier and earlier to get her to be on time.

I understand that I am more organized than she is, but it grates on my nerves. I am the one giving her a ride, and she causes us both to be late. I think she should be ready to leave when I get there. I know she has a busy schedule, but this is driving me crazy. I care about Hayley dearly, and I don't want to hurt her feelings. Should I say something to her? -- CAMPUS CLOCK-WATCHER

DEAR CLOCK-WATCHER: Yes, absolutely, because Hayley isn't a mind reader and if you haven't spoken up, she may be under the impression that you don't mind. Tell your friend you are no longer willing to be late to class, you expect her to be ready to leave at the time you get there, and if she isn't, you will leave without her. THEN FOLLOW THROUGH. I predict Hayley won't be late after that.

DEAR ABBY: I am a single man living in Florida. Without being invited, my sister called to inform me that she and her husband would be coming to visit me over the Christmas/New Year holiday. She said they planned to stay "a month or so" to escape the harsh northern winter. Caught off guard, I said I'd love to have them come for a week or 10 days, but I didn't want them to move in with me. At that point, she became miffed and said not to worry about it -- she and my brother-in-law would visit her son in Las Vegas instead.

Now I'm wondering if I was rude. I don't want them planting themselves in my home for months on end, but I don't want to destroy our relationship either. I love them both, but I have a life of my own. Did I make a mistake, or is it normal for relatives to visit for months? -- CONFOUNDED IN FLORIDA

DEAR CONFOUNDED: You did not make a mistake, and it is not "normal" for people to invite themselves to be houseguests as your sister did. Her attitude was presumptuous. Your reaction was honest. What she proposed was an imposition. If defending your privacy "destroys" your relationship, your sibling bond wasn't strong to begin with. Frankly, I think your sister had a lot of nerve, and her son has my sympathy because it's going to be a long winter in Las Vegas.

DEAR ABBY: I am in my 70s, and I honestly do not know how to respond when people ask me, "How are you?" I have had many health problems in the last few years, and I don't think anyone really wants to hear about them. -- I'M JUST SAYIN'

DEAR JUST SAYIN': If you have any reason to think that the person asking the question really doesn't care how you are, then spare him or her an organ recital. Convey the expected response, which is, "I'm fine -- how are you?"

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DEAR ABBY: With the holidays here, songs about Santa and his reindeer are filling the air. I'm writing to talk about reindeer antlers. Reindeer are unique because they are the only members of the deer family in which both genders have antlers, which are made of bone and grown annually.

In the summer and fall, you cannot identify a reindeer as a "he" or a "she" without further investigation. In late December, however, only the females still have their antlers.

During the summer months, the males use their antlers to attract females and defend their harem (anywhere from five to 15 females) from other males. When they are no longer "looking for love," the males lose their antlers. The females, on the other hand, keep theirs through the winter and into the spring, and use them to compete for food and to protect their young.

The only reindeer with antlers at Christmastime are the GIRLS, Abby. So Rudolph would have been appropriately named "Rudolphia," and the other reindeer would have been laughing and calling HER names until the glow from HER nose guided Santa's sleigh that foggy Christmas eve. -- JOYCE CAMPBELL, PH.D.

DEAR DR. CAMPBELL: Fascinating. This clearly explains why Santa doesn't get lost at Christmas. Females are never reluctant to ask for directions ... ho, ho, ho.

DEAR ABBY: I demonstrate products in a supermarket. It isn't easy, and sometimes I feel like I'm between a rock and a hard place.

Will you please tell parents that if we do not give their children samples of food, it is for their own good. We don't know what kind of food allergies their children may have. The company I work for will fire us if we give samples to children without a parent first giving permission. -- TRYING HARD IN TULSA, OKLA.

DEAR TRYING HARD: You have my sympathy, and I'm pleased to pass along your message. I recently read that food allergies among children are on the rise, and that 4 percent of kids today suffer from one. The policy your company is enforcing is for everyone's protection and should not be misinterpreted. It's in place so that no one's little angel gets sick or has an allergic reaction.

DEAR ABBY: A few months ago, my husband and I were visiting a remote area in the mountains. We were on a narrow, winding road with no shoulder and a guardrail on one side. There was traffic in both directions. As we ambled along, we heard a siren. An ambulance came up behind us and rode our tail, blasting the horn, obviously urging us to let him by.

Although we looked and looked, we could not find a safe place to pull over for several minutes. When we finally did find a space to pull into, the crew threw us dirty looks as they drove by.

I hate to think we endangered someone's life or made the EMTs' job more difficult, but it seemed equally dangerous for us to move into a lane of oncoming traffic. What is the proper etiquette for this type of situation? -- RACHAEL IN ATLANTA

DEAR RACHAEL: When approached by a vehicle with a siren and a flashing red light, a driver should pull as far to the right as possible and stop. Because there was no place for you to pull over, you should have done exactly what you did -- which was to proceed at a safe rate of speed until you found one.

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DEAR ABBY: My wife and I are involved in a power struggle with my brother. At Christmas we invite him and his family to our home. We try to make our Christmas dinner fun and festive, so a lot of planning goes into the menu.

Every year, a day or two before the event, my brother calls to ask what's on the menu, then offers his unwanted opinion on what we should or shouldn't serve.

Last year he told me he wouldn't be able to enjoy the meal because we weren't serving one of the items he feels is "traditional" in our family. He says he's family so he's entitled to make suggestions. When I was unwilling to accommodate his "simple" request, he got upset. I'm on the verge of not inviting his family in the future. Who is right? -- OFFENDED IN PENNSYLVANIA

DEAR OFFENDED: You are. Your brother may be family, but his behavior is childish and impolite. When he calls this year and starts the drill, if he tells you he doesn't think he will enjoy the meal if he can't dictate the menu, serve him a dose of reality. Tell him that your menu is already set and if he wants something in addition he can prepare it and bring it with him -- or make other plans.

DEAR ABBY: When my in-laws moved to town, we exchanged keys in case of emergencies. The problem is they never call prior to using our key. Although they do nice things, like dropping off gifts or plants, when I see something on the counter that wasn't there before I left home, I feel invaded. They drop off these "presents" specifically when no one is home.

Abby, they are retired and could drop things off when we are home and the children can see them and visit with them.

I was taught not to use a key unless specifically instructed to do so or for an emergency. My neighbors and I have called regarding perishables that need to be dropped off, so why can't family? My husband thinks my feelings are off base and that family is forgiven for almost everything. Please advise, as I am about to change the locks. -- INVADED IN MISSISSIPPI

DEAR INVADED: Before changing the locks, have a chat with your in-laws and explain that coming home and finding things that weren't there when you left makes you uncomfortable. Tell them you would prefer they not come in without giving you prior notice. Your feelings are valid, and your husband might feel similarly if it was your parents coming in rather than his. If your wishes are disregarded, then change the locks.

DEAR ABBY: Please settle a dispute between me and my husband. I became upset when we were discussing an idea having to do with his job and he immediately began texting it to a co-worker. I find it offensive when someone looks at his (or her) cell phone rather than at me while we're talking.

My husband says if you text someone during a conversation that it's not an interruption and "it only takes a second." I say texting in the middle of any conversation is rude, regardless of its relevance or brevity. Please advise. -- TO TEXT OR NOT TO TEXT IN BOULDER, COLO.

DEAR T.T. OR NOT T.T.: I agree with you. But if your husband doesn't want to hear it from you, I guarantee he'll resist accepting the message from me. I was raised with the premise that when in conversation, people should give each other their undivided attention and look each other in the eye. Taking "just a sec" to dash off a text -- or read one -- may be convenient, but it's impolite to the person you're with.