Dear Abby

DEAR ABBY: What is the protocol for naming a baby after a deceased person? If the name you want to use is a deceased family member's name, do we ask his next of kin for approval? Do we say nothing? Is it assumed that people who wish to use someone's name when naming their child should seek permission (whether the person is living or dead)?

Obviously, some people will use the name regardless of being granted a blessing or not, but I'm wondering what is appropriate in this situation. -- PREGNANT IN ILLINOIS

DEAR PREGNANT: In the Jewish faith, it is traditional for a baby to be named for a deceased parent or grandparent -- or at least given a name with the same first initial. However, if the person who died was a child of a close relative, I can see how that could be very painful for the parents who lost their child.

The appropriate thing to do would be to first have a conversation with the surviving family member(s) to be sure it will be considered the honor it is intended to be and not open fresh wounds. If it would cause pain, perhaps the expectant parents should consider making the name of the deceased their baby's middle name instead of first name.

DEAR ABBY: During my teens, I was diagnosed with depression and institutionalized following a suicide attempt. Depression is something I live with daily. Unfortunately, my parents and siblings have a "don't ask, don't tell" policy when it comes to anything that may stir up emotions. I feel that it's detrimental to my well-being.

My doctor has suggested cutting my family out of my life. Dealing with them gives me great anxiety. My mother is a master manipulator who denies my suicide attempt ever happened, and I'm afraid she will tell my extended family members (many of whom I have relationships with) that I have "abandoned the family."

No one outside my immediate family knows about my depression or suicide attempt, and I feel I may be forced to reveal that very private part of my life in order to defend my actions. I don't know what to do. -- RELUCTANT TO REVEAL

DEAR RELUCTANT TO REVEAL: I think you should follow your doctor's advice and not be intimidated. You have an illness -- depression -- that, according to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, is shared by about 9 percent of our population. It is nothing to be ashamed of.

Because you're afraid of what your mother will say, explain to those relatives you feel close to what you need to do and the reasons for it. I can't guarantee that some of them won't take sides, but I'm sure not all of them will. Sadly, not all families are functional. Not all parents are good parents, and some of them are toxic.

P.S. Because your struggle with depression is ongoing, I hope you are still under the care of a psychotherapist. If you're not, please consider it.

DEAR ABBY: I am a happily married, 26-year-old female with just one problem: I'm afraid to have children.

I have always wanted children, and it's something my husband and I often discuss. Anytime we are asked when we plan to start our family, we always say four to five years, but we have been saying this same thing for four years. I always thought I'd be ready by now.

My husband has been very sick for the past few years and had to take time off work. We were able to scrape by on my salary, but it was tough. He returned to work recently and is fine. But now all I can think about is how much children cost, and I'm afraid we'll never have enough money to have a baby.

I also worry about what if our child would be killed in an accident, molested or kidnapped! I ask myself why anyone would want to bring children into such a scary world, yet I still want them. Please help me. I am very upset and don't know what to do. -- UNCERTAIN IN TULSA

DEAR UNCERTAIN: I understand your concerns and they are valid. Having children is an act of faith as well as an investment in the future.

If you think about it, life itself is a gamble. Mature individuals do everything they can to keep the odds in their favor. They work hard, live healthy lives, buy insurance, start an education fund for their children, etc. There are no guarantees -- but people keep having children anyway.

Because you feel stuck in making this decision, it would be helpful to discuss your concerns with a licensed mental health professional who can help you put your fears to rest.

DEAR ABBY: I am a 30-year-old mother of a 5-year-old girl. I have been dating "Mack" for two years. Everything was great at first, but when I moved in with him things changed.

I don't have a car right now. I work less than a mile away, so I walk mostly and don't mind. The problem is, when Mack gets off work, he picks up his son and goes straight home. He doesn't call or text me to ask where I am, or drive by to see where my child and I are walking. When I arrive home, I'll find his son watching TV and Mack doing something else.

I keep telling him I need respect. What would you do if you were in my shoes? Temperatures are in the mid-90s here in the summer, and it can get to you when you're walking. -- UPSET MAMA IN TEXAS

DEAR UPSET: If you haven't asked Mack to pick you up when he leaves work so you're not stuck in the blazing heat -- with your child, yet -- you should. That he wouldn't think of it himself shows not only a lack of consideration for your feelings but also for your little girl's welfare.

Because his behavior has changed since you started living with him, consider this change to be a red flag. If things don't improve, start looking for other living arrangements for you and your daughter because it appears you and Mack do better when you're not cohabiting.

DEAR ABBY: My husband, "Pete," and I are at a point in our lives where we're ready to start a family. We have already started trying. We both have college degrees, jobs and own our home. I have talked with my OB and have started making myself "baby-ready."

Friends and most of our family are happy we're trying to start a family. The problem is my parents seem less than enthused.

One night last week, my mother, dad, Pete and I were enjoying some local entertainment and drinks together. Mom got a tad sloshed and told me she wishes my older brother and his wife had a child first, "no offense to me." They have been trying for years and have gone to fertility clinics, but due to the cost, decided to stop trying until my sister-in-law earns her degree. I have talked to her about our plans, and she was happy for us.

Abby, I can't stop thinking about what my mom said. I fear bringing it up with her because she may not remember she said anything. Is it wrong for me to hold onto this? Pete and I are financially and emotionally ready for a happy addition to our family. I know he'll be a great dad. I wish my mother would realize this, too. -- "NO OFFENSE" IN OHIO

DEAR "NO OFFENSE": You are an adult and a married woman. You should not need anyone's "enthusiasm" beyond yours and your husband's to bring a child into this world.

You stated that your mother was "sloshed" when she made the remark. Alcohol-addled individuals often make inappropriate comments. Who knows what she meant when she said it? It may be she was thinking about the pain your brother and sister-in-law are experiencing because of their infertility issue.

Because her comment was hurtful, I think you should let her know so she can clarify -- if she even remembers saying it. And if she doesn't, suggest she cut back on her drinking because memory lapses can be a symptom of a drinking problem.

DEAR ABBY: My friend "Merle's" daughter got engaged, and Merle threw an engagement party for her and the husband-to-be. The couple announced where they were registered in the Facebook invitation (which I thought was truly insensitive).

People arrived for the engagement party with gifts. I did not take one. I figured I'd wait until the wedding, which is a year away. I also thought, "What if they change their minds and don't get married?"

Was I wrong not to take a gift? I guess I just don't understand the current etiquette. -- STUMPED IN SOUTH CAROLINA

DEAR STUMPED: You accepted the invitation, didn't you? Because you did, you should have given the couple a gift. You did not have to take one to the party, but you should send something within a short time. (Suggestion: A nice picture frame to hold their engagement photo.)