DEAR ABBY: When my husband and I bought our house, having children wasn't yet on our minds. The master bedroom is at one end of the house; the other two bedrooms are at the opposite end.

Two years into our marriage we got a surprise blessing -- a baby girl. She's now 3 and still sleeping in our room in her own toddler bed. She has great sleeping habits, and I don't think it would affect her to sleep in another room.

I am the problem. I can't bear to have her at the other end of the house. All I can think about are horror stories of babies and small children being snatched from their beds (from the window) while the parents sleep. What if something happens and I don't wake up? This may seem ridiculous to some, but it's a real fear for me. Can you offer some advice? -- PARANOID MOMMY IN SOUTH CAROLINA

DEAR MOMMY: Baby monitors (and cameras) were invented to allay the fears of parents who sleep apart from their little ones. If that isn't reassurance enough, consider changing all the sleeping arrangements until your daughter is a bit older. Put her in one of the bedrooms at the other end of the house, and you and your husband take the one next to hers. Have the baby monitor next to your bed so you can hear her if she stirs during the night.

You might also consider getting a dog, who would certainly alert you should anyone attempt to enter your home after you and your husband are asleep.

DEAR ABBY: I have a daughter who is now 40 years old. Until she was 17, I didn't know she existed. She lives in another state, but we talk often. I consider us close.

Abby, I have been diagnosed with cancer and may not have much time left. I'm only 56. I was 16 when I was involved with her mother, homeless at the time and very naive. My problem is, although I have wracked my brain over the years I cannot remember actually having sex with her mother.

Nevertheless, I love this person very much and it would break my heart (and hers) if she wasn't mine. Should I tell her in case she might want to track down who her father is, if it's not me? I don't know how I'd approach her for a DNA test. -- URGENT DAD IN THE USA

DEAR URGENT: I'm so sorry to hear your prognosis. A gentle way to discuss this would be to explain that you have been diagnosed with cancer and may not have long to live. Tell her you love her, that in your heart she will always be your daughter, but that you are not 100 percent sure it is biologically true. Explain that you are saying it not to hurt or reject her, but only so that if she is not your child she may be able to locate the person who is, and she won't be fatherless when you are gone.

DEAR ABBY: I am a divorcee with a problem. My longtime friend "Paul" and I decided to move in together so I could save some money because of my very expensive divorce. The problem is, I think I am falling for him, and I get really jealous when he brings dates home.

When I told him I'm starting to have feelings for him, he said he cares for me, but not in that way. How can I keep my jealousy in check so I don't ruin a good friendship? -- OVER THE LINE IN UTAH

DEAR OVER THE LINE: I'm going to take a risk and make a generalization, because there is much truth to it. When couples divorce, one or both partners' self-esteem often takes a huge hit. People often feel vulnerable and in need of someone to love them, make them feel attractive, be a partner to them, etc. Could this be you? Might this have something to do with your resentment of the women Paul is seeing?

Your friend has been no more than a supportive friend at a time when you needed one. If you can't accept it for what it is, then for your own emotional health find another place to live because, even if you're saving money, this arrangement is too expensive.

DEAR ABBY: I have been cooking Thanksgiving dinner for our family since I was in my mid-20s, with little or no assistance from my sisters or sisters-in-law. They typically show up empty-handed but leave with a generous amount of leftovers. Before my mother passed away 12 years ago, she would at least help.

Since my children and their families live out of state and are unable to come this year, I told one of my sisters-in-law I wouldn't be hosting Thanksgiving this year. Abby, she had a complete hissy fit! She insisted it was "tradition" that we have Thanksgiving at my house, and it's something everyone looks forward to. She even said it's not like I don't have the time since I retired this year.

Yes, I have tried delegating. One year, a sister brought a dessert (cookies in a tin) and the other a bag of rolls. Neither one has ever worked outside the home. I'm tired of cooking for two or three days to feed 15 to 20 people. Am I wrong in wanting a break from doing it all? -- I'M DONE IN FLORIDA

DEAR "DONE": No. You have a right to spend your Thanksgiving any way you wish. Because you didn't mention whether your siblings host Christmas, Easter or Fourth of July celebrations, I'm assuming the answer is no. If that's true, then from my perspective you're at least 12 years overdue for a break. Your sisters and sisters-in-law should have stepped up to the plate and shared the responsibilities you have shouldered alone after your mother passed away, if not before. Shame on them.

Abby shares more than 100 of her favorite recipes in two booklets: "Abby's Favorite Recipes" and "More Favorite Recipes by Dear Abby." Send your name and mailing address, plus check or money order for $14 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby, Cookbooklet

DEAR ABBY: I'm a mostly happily married wife and mother. I love tattoos. When I was younger, I was engaged to my soul mate. His name is tattooed on my wrists in honor of the love we shared. Unfortunately, he was killed in a car accident.

Several years later, I met and married my husband, "Brett." When we fight he brings up the tattoos. He says they're "disrespectful" of him and I should get rid of them. It upsets me because I got the tattoos before I ever met Brett, so how can they be disrespectful? Am I being unreasonable, or should my husband back off? -- ILLUSTRATED WOMAN IN COLORADO

DEAR ILLUSTRATED WOMAN: The tattoos are in no way disrespectful to your husband. They are the same body art you had when he married you, and if he didn't complain back then, he shouldn't now. When you're fighting and Brett tells you to get rid of them, he's doing it to hurt you because he knows they are meaningful and he's trying to get under your skin. Insist on dealing with the subject at hand and don't take the bait.

DEAR ABBY: I'd like to know if there's any way to stop my mother-in-law from inviting herself to every birthday party and graduation our children have. They are pre-teen and teenagers now. She has done this for years, and it often doesn't end well. Because they are older, they prefer to hang out with their friends, do sleepovers, etc.

Because she insists on staying the night, it's hard to have room for sleepovers. She complains if she has to sleep on the couch, and she also has a fit if she's not getting enough attention from the kids because they'd rather be with their friends and not her the whole time.

I have tried explaining that she should come the weekend before or after, but she shows up on the birthday anyway. Her complaints ruin their birthdays, to the point that I no longer look forward to them. Any advice, since another birthday is right around the corner? (Maybe she'll read this and have a change of heart.) -- MISERABLE MOM IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR MISERABLE MOM: Your mother-in-law sounds like a handful. However, I do believe that grandparents should be invited to milestones like graduations, where family is important.

It's hard to imagine Grandma would simply show up at the kids' party after being asked to stay away, but you can't slam the door in her face. When she barges in, for your own sake tune her complaining out. Walk away if you must. As to altering the sleeping arrangements to suit an uninvited guest -- don't do it.

Where is your husband in all of this? She's his mother; if you can't make her see reason, then he should. It's normal for teens to want to celebrate with their contemporaries -- and Grandma had better get used to it before they turn tail and run whenever they see her coming.

DEAR VETERANS: I salute each and every one of you for your service to this country. My heartfelt thanks as well to the brave and dedicated men and women who are still on active duty. You are the personification of patriotism and self-sacrifice for your dedication to our country. -- Love, ABBY