Dear Abby

DEAR ABBY: One of my sons is dating a young woman who seems to care deeply for him, but is very cool and distant to our family. He goes to nearly all of her family's events, but she seldom comes to any of ours.

She has been to one birthday get-together at a restaurant, a wedding and a play where I bought the tickets for her, myself and all my daughters-in-law. She has been invited to family dinners at one or another of our homes, Christmas celebrations, Thanksgivings, birthdays -- you name it -- but has not come to any of them. My husband and I hand-make our gifts to her, which require a lot of time and effort. Last year, she sent us each a gift for Christmas.

They have been dating for several years. When they are apart, she texts him constantly. I am confused and troubled by her indifference to us. We have been more than welcoming to her. Is there anything I or we could do to help her warm up to us? -- FLUMMOXED MOM IN THE SOUTH

DEAR FLUMMOXED: Have you talked with your son about this? If not, you should. You are already doing everything you can, so prepare to batten down the hatches. If your son eventually marries this insecure young woman, she will continue isolating him from his family and absorb him into her own. When the grandchildren come, they will spend the majority of their time with her family and not yours.

It is harsh, but it's the truth. Unless your son is strong enough to put his foot down, it's exactly what will happen. You have my sympathy.

DEAR ABBY: I am a naturally thin young woman. Oftentimes, especially when I'm working in offices with older women, my co-workers comment on their dissatisfaction with their weight and how they wish their body could be more like mine.

To be honest, I don't equate thinness with beauty or fat with ugliness. But when I try to tell these women I think they are beautiful as they are, it's received with suspicion, as if they think I don't mean what I say. How can I respond to those who are unhappy with their weight without sounding insincere? I don't want to hurt anybody's feelings. -- THIN IN FLORIDA

DEAR THIN: When your co-workers compliment you about your figure, smile and say thank you. Period. If they express dissatisfaction with their appearance, do not allow yourself to be drawn into the conversation. You can't alleviate their insecurities; they haven't believed you when you tried. Because the subject makes you uncomfortable, try changing the topic to another one.

DEAR ABBY: Is there a place where I can donate puzzles? I always make sure all the pieces are there. I put them in a zip bag inside a taped box so anyone who gets them would be getting something that's as good as new. I have a whole closet full, and I need to find a place to donate them. They are too nice to throw away. -- WANTING TO SHARE IN WASHINGTON

DEAR WANTING: I am sure that if you call around you will discover that senior centers, hospitals, nursing homes, libraries, churches, schools and rehabilitation facilities could put those puzzles to good use. It's worth a try.

DEAR ABBY: My husband works with a group of men who often become vulgar in their conversations. My husband was raised to have respect and dignity, so he is uncomfortable with it.

The men discuss their wives and girlfriends in explicit detail. Some of them have daughters. It is just insane! Would they want someone talking about their daughters like that?!

My husband tries to ignore it or change the subject. Although he gets stressed about it, he can't go to the boss because his boss chimes in. The boss once said, "Oh, it's just men talking." My husband finds the whole thing disrespectful. He could go to Human Resources, but he's not sure he should. What should he do? -- UNCOMFORTABLE IN WYOMING

DEAR UNCOMFORTABLE: Your husband should not have to be subjected to conversations in the workplace that make him uncomfortable. He should have spoken up when it first happened. And he should still make his feelings known and bow out of these interactions. If HR in that company is strong enough to institute some rules that will be respected, he should alert someone there to the uncomfortable work environment in his department.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a widow of two years who is taking my first steps getting back out there into the dating world. The dating sites scare me for lots of reasons. My biggest concern is the sexual part of dating. How do you know if the person is healthy? Do you ask if they have been tested lately, or ever? Should I have to ask if they have protection?

I'm way past getting pregnant, but I don't want any surprises either. I do plan on getting to know the man before I get to the romantic part, but would like to know how to address my concerns. -- READY TO MOVE FORWARD

DEAR READY: You are a wise lady. According to the Centers for Disease Control, STDs like herpes, gonorrhea, hepatitis B and trichomoniasis are spreading like wildfire. In 2017, nearly 2.3 million cases of chlamydia, gonorrhea and syphilis were reported in the United States. You should also be aware that 1 in 6 new cases of HIV diagnosed were among people over the age of 50.

This is why, before getting to the "romantic part," it is imperative you have a frank, honest, open discussion about sexually transmitted diseases and to refrain from having unprotected sexual contact unless you and your partner are in an exclusive relationship and you both have been tested, preferably together.

DEAR ABBY: This may seem a bit crazy. While out to dinner with friends, I noticed a ring on my girlfriend's finger. My husband and I had traveled with them in Portugal last year. About the same time, I lost a ring that closely resembled the one my friend was wearing. What's the best way to ask her where she got it without sounding accusatory? The ring is unique, and I think it is mine. I look forward to your advice on handling this. -- LOST RING UP NORTH

DEAR LOST RING: Ask your friend if she "found" that lovely ring because it is similar to one you lost during that trip to Portugal. If she denies it, drop the subject unless you prefer to drop the friend.

DEAR ABBY: My widowed mother-in-law, "Minnie," works full time as a trucker, traveling around the U.S. She doesn't have a home of her own since she lives on the road. My husband and I live in a small one-bedroom apartment. When she's here for holidays or family functions, she always sleeps on our couch.

At first I didn't mind once or twice for holidays, but since my niece was born, Minnie wants to be home more to visit with her. My husband's brother has a large home and plenty of space, but Minnie never stays there because she doesn't like my sister-in-law. Minnie is also irresponsible about letting us know when she's coming and how long she will be staying. One night can turn into a week.

I have had many conversations and some blowout fights with my husband over this issue. He's the older brother and feels guilty about asking her to stay at a hotel. My sister-in-law doesn't help the situation. She sabotages holidays and events to ensure Minnie won't feel comfortable staying there. I don't know how I will manage to get through the holidays this year. Help! -- DREADING IT IN THE EAST

DEAR DREADING: Blowout fights with your husband are detrimental to your marriage. Because he appears to be unable to summon the backbone to have an honest conversation with his mother, I guess it's up to you.

Explain to Minnie that the current arrangement isn't working. Tell her twice-a-year visits for holidays and family functions were manageable, but in the future, if she's unwilling to stay in her younger son's home, she should arrange to stay at a hotel or motel for those "extra" visits.

DEAR ABBY: Some of my extended family members have become vegan. When they come to my home, I make sure to have appropriate food for them, in addition to nonvegan food for others. When I am invited to their homes for a celebration, they offer only vegan selections. No one is allowed to bring nonvegan or meat-based dishes to their home.

It has reached the point that I no longer want to go there when a meal is involved. I have tried talking to them about this, but their reply is, "No meat allowed in our home." I now leave before mealtime because I don't like a lot of their dishes.

Is it common for vegans to prohibit guests from ever taking other food into their home? Thanks for any light you can shed on this. -- MEAT LOVER IN HOUSTON

DEAR MEAT LOVER: People become vegans for a variety of reasons. Some do because they feel it is unethical to kill animals for food. Others do it because they feel raising animals for slaughter is harmful to the planet. People also become vegans for health reasons.

Individuals who adopt this way of life often feel as your relatives do, and that's their privilege. If it impinges on your freedom or limits your enjoyment of these celebrations, forgo them and either participate in get-togethers that don't include food or go to an accommodating restaurant.