DEAR ABBY: One of our daughters (18) has been rebelling for the last couple of years. She's not doing well in community college. She is dating a drug user and has been caught in lie after lie, including about spending the night at friends' homes.

She has now decided she no longer wants to live with our rules, which include staying enrolled in college full time and making progress, doing a few household chores, telling us where she is going and when we can expect her home, and having no overnighters. She has moved out and in with a friend.

We know she's immature and will grow up eventually. We are heartbroken but understand we can't control this. We are praying for her safety.

We have an out-of-town wedding coming up and have decided to make a family vacation out of it. On one hand, we want to include her, not wanting to destroy what little relationship we have. On the other, we do not want to be "used" for a fun vacation. Because she has chosen to live on her own as an adult, she must pay her own way (which she can't afford). Should we take her or not? -- MOM OF AN ALMOST-ADULT

DEAR MOM: Your daughter has made a choice -- to be out from under your thumb and on her own. The "price" for her independence is being unable to depend upon you and your husband to foot the bill for her expenses.

Would she be running wild and staying out all night if you take her with you? You would have to set some rules beforehand and get her to agree to abide by them if she is going to be included with her sibling(s). A positive experience as a family may be what you all need right now. But only you can decide whether it's worth taking the chance.

DEAR ABBY: I am recently divorced, but my husband, "Danny," and I still see each other. The other night he mentioned that his ex-girlfriend texts him. He also allows her to follow him on Instagram but says he isn't following her. It really bothers me because she and Danny were in contact when we were married, "just as friends" is what he said. He repeated with 100% certainty that he has no interest in ever getting back together with her.

I spend a lot of nights at his place, and he spends nights with me, so I guess I have to trust his word, but it's eating me up inside. I have asked him to not allow her to follow him on Instagram, but he has not done that yet. He said he doesn't care who follows him. -- UNFOLLOW IN CONNECTICUT

DEAR UNFOLLOW: I'm confused. Exactly what is your question? You say you are divorced, but you are still acting -- and thinking -- like you are Danny's wife. He's a free man now, and you not only do not have the right to dictate who should or shouldn't follow him on Instagram, but also don't have the right to tell him he can't see another woman if he wishes.

Face it, you are BOTH free now. You can't be cheated on by a husband who is no longer your husband. Consider this: It might be healthier for you to spend less time with Danny and devote more time to moving forward with your life.

DEAR ABBY: I work in a small office with five other people. Due to the nature of our business, we work various shifts throughout the day.

I am the oldest employee, and when it comes to our schedule, I feel discriminated against. I usually get four night shifts and one day shift a week. Everyone else gets one night shift and the rest daytime shifts.

The lead technician is the one who arranges our schedule. If I ask her about it, she tells me she has no one else or some similar excuse when I know she easily can change things to make it more fair. I am not one of her "buddies," probably because I'm at least 20 years older than the rest.

I just get very frustrated every time I see my new schedule. Even the part-time people get better hours than I do. Is this discrimination? -- WONDERING IN IOWA

DEAR WONDERING: Did you fill out a form listing your availability as open or flexible? If so, modify it. If you truly feel you are being discriminated against because of your age, talk to your supervisor's boss about it. And if things are not made more equitable, consider reporting it to the Equal Employment Opportunity Commission (EEOC).

DEAR ABBY: I am asking for advice about our daughters-in-law. We have two sons whose wives want to spend every holiday with their parents, period. No alternating holidays. This means my husband and I spend the holidays alone, then "get" to have a get-together at a date and time convenient for them.

I know our sons are partly at fault, but they are trying to keep peace in their lives. Any suggestions would be appreciated. One daughter-in-law used the excuse that her grandfather is 99 and may not be around forever, to which I replied that I'm 70 and none of us know how long we have.

We raised our daughter to respect her in-laws as well as us, and she alternates holidays. Please help with this, Abby. -- MISSING OUT IN TEXAS

DEAR MISSING OUT: This happens in many families. I wish I could wave a magic wand and turn your daughters-in-law into less-insensitive, more-caring people, but I can't. Your sons are more than "partly" at fault for not insisting on fairness. Because they're not assertive, the most pragmatic suggestion I can offer is that you make plans of your own for the holidays that don't include them -- the nicest your budget allows.

DEAR ABBY: Please do not reveal my location if you print this. I live in a small town and am part of a club that meets monthly. We are less than a dozen gals who discuss a book or politics. I know they all socialize with each other. With one exception, I have never been invited.

That said, we have different interests outside the club. They are smart, fun, loving women. However, I have felt that on more than one occasion, a comment was directed at me that I am not welcomed. I have been told, "Don't take it personally." Should I? How do I address this? -- HURT IN THE WEST

DEAR HURT: This book club should not be your only social activity. Surely you have other interests, as these women do. If you felt a comment was made that caused you to feel unwelcome, the appropriate response would have been to say, "Would you please clarify that comment?" Or even, "My feelings are hurt. Why would you say that?"

DEAR ABBY: At 18, I married my high school sweetheart. After 20 years of marriage and four wonderful children, my husband decided the grass was greener elsewhere, and we divorced. He paid no attention to my children or my grandchildren when they were young.

He has since remarried, has a child with his current wife and acts like he's Father of the Year. Last weekend one of my grandchildren got married. My blowhard of an ex brought a picture of himself, my son, my grandson and my great-granddaughter saying he'd had this picture taken of four generations of the family. He never mentioned that if it hadn't been for ME giving birth to our children, none of them would have even been there.

Am I overly sensitive to feel like a second-class citizen when we attend a family function? Must I continue to say nothing, or speak up? How do others handle this situation? -- CLUELESS IN THE EAST

DEAR CLUELESS: They handle it by choosing their battles carefully. I think it's important that you ask yourself why anything your ex says would make you feel like a second-class citizen. He appears to have moved on with his life more quickly than you have moved on with yours. Concentrate your efforts on expanding your horizons -- your interests and friendships -- and you will find anything he might say will be far less important to you. Trust me on that.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a public school teacher with a word of advice to parents who wonder why their children misbehave, argue with them and act out with attention-getting behaviors: Put down your cellphones and pay attention to them!

I just finished a parent-teacher conference with a mother whose children argue, pout and scream when she tells them to do something at home. Her children are not disabled, nor do they demonstrate these behaviors in my classroom. Abby, during the entire meeting, that woman texted on her phone. How rude!

The next time I meet with someone who pulls that, I'll ask if she (or he) would like to suspend the meeting until their pressing business (pun intended) is finished. Maybe the parent needs to be embarrassed in order to realize how inappropriate texting or talking on the phone is when she (or he) is face-to-face with another person unless the other person says it's OK. -- HAS TO VENT

DEAR VENT: Vent away. I agree that what the mother did was disrespectful. It prevented you from effectively giving her information about her child that she needed to know.

As great a benefit as technology has been to society, it appears to also be a double-edged sword. By that I mean, while it fosters communication, it has kept parents from bonding with their toddlers and young people from learning to effectively communicate with each other face-to-face. The ultimate result of this is yet to be determined, but I cannot stress strongly enough the importance of people finding a balance so they can form healthy relationships. I hope your letter will serve as a wake-up call to someone who needs a reminder.