Dear Abby

DEAR ABBY: My stepdaughter recently married a convicted rapist. She refuses to believe he raped an elderly woman even though there was corroborating DNA evidence. While he admitted his guilt in front of a judge and spent some time in jail, the conviction was later overturned, after which he denied his culpability.

My stepdaughter has two young children from a prior marriage and she's now pregnant with his child. They live in another state. I am a rape survivor. I am absolutely adamant that this man is not welcome in my home.

I do not want to negatively affect my husband's relationship with his daughter, but her decision to become a family with this individual has been difficult for me. She's planning to visit, and I -- and others in our families -- have no idea what to even say to her. How do we handle social interactions? Please help. -- STAYING FIRM IN NEW MEXICO

DEAR STAYING FIRM: Because you do not want the husband under your roof, your husband should entertain them separately away from your home. If you have to see them, be warm and cordial to your stepdaughter and nonconfrontational to her husband. I advise the same for the other family members whom she plans to visit.

DEAR ABBY: I have a friend, an acquaintance really, who once confessed to me that he is bisexual. This is not a big deal because I am as well. The problem is, his wife doesn't know he's bi or that he secretly meets men for sex.

I have repeatedly advised him that he shouldn't be doing that and he needs to tell his wife. But all that got me is he ceased talking to me. I don't know if he's still doing it, but I'm assuming so. What, if anything, should I do or say? Should I tell his wife? -- ALL FOR TRUTH IN WISCONSIN

DEAR ALL: Put yourself in the wife's situation. If your spouse or significant other was having sex with multiple partners, wouldn't you want to know? If you tell her, she can have her doctor test her for exposure to any number of STDs -- all of which are on the rise. Please don't wait.

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I have been married for 35 years. For the last seven years, we have been separated. He treated me badly, and finally, I refused to take it, so I left him. I moved out, bought a car and bought a home, all on my own. I'm proud of myself.

We have tried marriage counseling, but I felt like we were just going through the motions. He has pressured me in the past about getting back together, but I know he will go right back to his old behavior.

My question is, when is it time to get a divorce? I'm confused about just being separated because it makes me feel I'm in limbo. -- IN-BETWEEN IN COLORADO

DEAR IN-BETWEEN: You ARE in limbo. You tried marriage counseling; it didn't help you trust that your husband wouldn't continue to abuse you. Call a lawyer. After seven years (!) of separation, the time to formally untie the knot is now.

DEAR ABBY: My wife and I recently hosted some longtime friends for a few days while they were passing through our area on vacation. We had a fine time reconnecting, although my wife commented after they left that they seemed to have "slowed down a bit" -- to which I responded, "Yeah. Us, too, I guess."

We just received an email from that couple's adult daughter, with whom we're also friendly, asking about our perceptions of her parents' well-being. We are not comfortable responding to her very pointed questions about their eating habits, bedtimes, taking of medications, mental sharpness, etc. while they stayed with us. Is this kind of inquiry common today, or do these folks have "helicopter kids"? -- ANYWHERE, USA

DEAR ANYWHERE: If it's common, I'm unaware of it. It's the first question of this kind that I have received. Clearly, the daughter has noticed something going on with her parents that has her worried. Because "the kids" are so concerned about their parents' welfare that they feel compelled to ask these kinds of questions, perhaps they should travel with them so they can supervise.

If you choose to answer that email, an appropriate response would be, "I think we have all slowed down a little, but if you want to know what your folks ate (etc.) while they were with us, you should ask them."

DEAR ABBY: Years ago, a gentleman wrote to you asking what he should get his aged parents who didn't need another "thing." You suggested he write them a letter telling them why he was thankful for them. He wrote you back later telling you he had taken your advice, how much it meant to his father and that, shortly afterward, his father died.

I immediately wrote each of my parents a letter listing the things I learned from them and what I cherished about them. It was the perfect, most meaningful thing I could have done for them. They have since passed on. I am so thankful that I was able to do that for them.

I have read your column for about 35 years. It is always respectful and full of common sense. Thank you. -- GRATEFUL IN COEUR D'ALENE, IDAHO

DEAR GRATEFUL: You're welcome. I'm glad you picked up on the suggestion and that it made your parents happy. I can think of few people who would not welcome -- and treasure -- a love letter if it's sincere.

DEAR ABBY: I lost my hubby after 50 happy years, and yet I don't cry. What's wrong with me? -- GRIEVING IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR GRIEVING: There is nothing wrong with you. If your husband was ill for a period of time before his death, you may have had more than enough time to grieve his loss as he was slipping away. If his passing was sudden, you may be in shock, which is why your tears won't come. Not everyone grieves in the same way, drowning in an ocean of tears, so please do not judge yourself harshly -- or at all.

DEAR ABBY: I have been in a relationship for more than five years. My girlfriend and I will soon graduate from college. I have accepted a full-time job offer, and she will be going to grad school.

Almost certainly our relationship will have to be long-distance for a year or two, and she has given me an ultimatum. She says she doesn't want the stress of a long-distance relationship if it doesn't lead to anything in the future. I am torn. I like the status quo. I'm not sure if I want to propose and be locked into something without being 100% certain we are meant to be. What should I do? -- HESITANT IN THE HEARTLAND

DEAR HESITANT: I'm so glad you asked! Because you have been in a relationship for more than five years and are still not certain if this young woman is "The One," do her (and yourself) a favor and stop wasting her time. You both need to see others and gain more experience in the dating world before making a lifetime commitment. And don't worry about her. I'm sure she will do just fine.

DEAR ABBY: When my mother passed away three years ago, the financial burden fell on me. I asked my brother (who earns more than double what I do) to help and got no help from him. Since then, I have been paying her storage unit fee.

I asked my brother to pay half because half the stuff in this unit belongs to him and his family. I've never received a penny. He took it upon himself to go through the stuff and take what he wanted.

I have spent $900 on this unit. I feel the contents are mine as I have more than paid for it. I'm willing to go through it together, but I feel he was wrong to have done it without me. Am I wrong? Am I overreacting? How do I deal with this without causing problems? I am way beyond upset. --STUCK WITH STUFF IN MONTANA

DEAR STUCK: You are not wrong. Your brother should not have shouldered you out of the way to have first dibs on the contents in storage, and he should have been paying half the cost of the unit since her death. I am unsure what "problem" you are afraid of causing, because your brother appears to be the one causing the problem.

My inclination is to advise you that what is left in the unit is now yours to dispose of as you wish, but before doing that, you would be wise to consult an attorney. You should not be paying a monthly fee that is causing you financial stress.

DEAR ABBY: My mother-in-law has sent me a friend request on Facebook. It might sound simple, but we are not friends. We don't hang out. Even though we live in the same city, we see each other only at family events.

I have never been good enough for her "angelic" son, whom I have supported for more than 15 years. Why would she want to be my FB friend now? She isn't trying to make amends. She's just being nosey. This is a lose-lose situation. Must I allow it? -- TRAPPED IN HURRICANE COUNTRY

DEAR TRAPPED: You are no more trapped than you wish to be. Because someone sends a friend request does not mean that you are obligated to accept. My advice is to ignore it. Or, accept her invitation and use Facebook's timeline settings and the option to not "share" with her.