DEAR ABBY: I am happily divorced after nearly 20 years of marriage to a narcissist. My ex cheated throughout our marriage, lied repeatedly and was abusive. He left me for another woman.

I realize now that he did me a favor by leaving. When he left, I didn't correct any of the lies he told his family, girlfriends, friends and acquaintances because I just wanted him out of my life. My issue is, he is still lying to everyone about how our marriage ended.

He rarely visits our son, and he complains about having to pay child support and alimony. I have asked him to leave me alone and not speak to me unless it's about our son, but he won't. I have warned him if he doesn't stop bothering me I'm going to tell his girlfriend, family and friends the truth about everything. Should I tell them or just let it go? -- BURDENED BY HIM IN FLORIDA

DEAR BURDENED: I think you should finally tell the whole truth to whoever will listen, which is what you should have done in the first place. If you have proof, reveal it. Because you waited, you may be less credible than you would have been then, so be prepared.

You should also talk with a lawyer about the fact that your ex won't leave you alone and keeps bothering you, because it could be considered malicious mischief or harassment, and there are laws against it.

DEAR ABBY: I have several friends who think it is OK to interrupt a conversation by shoving a phone in my hands to look at (1) their cute grandchildren, (2) the casserole they made yesterday, (3) how they looked after last week's tennis match or something equally boring. How can I politely refuse them? -- DON'T CARE IN EL PASO, TEXAS

DEAR DON'T CARE: If your conversation is being interrupted by a third party, it would not be rude to ask the person to please wait to show you the photos until you are finished. If, however, the person you are talking with does this, you are stuck. While I agree the behavior is rude, unless you want to risk offending, briefly offer the praise that's being sought and hand the phone back.

DEAR ABBY: I have two young nieces who are close in age. One of them just announced her plans for an elaborate wedding. The other sent a Christmas card together with her new boyfriend because they are now living together.

Does the niece who is forgoing marriage also forfeit her opportunity to acquire wedding gifts? Or does her card constitute a "coupling announcement" for which a gift card would be appropriate? -- PERPLEXED IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR PERPLEXED: The niece who is cohabiting sent you a Christmas card, not a "coupling announcement." Cross your fingers that all goes well for her and the boyfriend, and perhaps -- in a year or two -- you will receive an invitation for their wedding. (If you decide to attend, a gift would be in order at that time.)

TO MY READERS: The eight days of the Jewish celebration of Hanukkah begin at sundown. Happy Hanukkah, everyone! A joyous Festival of Lights to all of us!

DEAR ABBY: My 47-year-old daughter is an alcoholic. A year ago, she took several benzodiazepine pills along with the booze and overdosed. My son-in-law found her in time and called 911. She spent five days in a psych hospital to detox, but never went to any follow-up rehab. I had been led to believe she was sober, but recently found out it was not true, and my son-in-law for some reason decided not to tell me.

The other issue is, since she OD'd, he keeps track of all her online spending and personal emails (he has all her passwords) because he claims it's the only way he can keep tabs on her to find out how much she's drinking and where she goes to do it. She doesn't know he's doing this, and I'm afraid if she finds out she will go ballistic. I don't know whether or not to tell her, because I don't want to do anything to make things even worse between them. Advice? -- FEARFUL IN FLORIDA

DEAR FEARFUL: I see nothing to be gained by telling your daughter her husband is watching her closely. She is a woman with very serious problems, and it's a shame she didn't follow through with more rehab after what may have been a suicide attempt.

Your son-in-law cares about his wife. When he realized she had overdosed, he called to get help for her. That he's monitoring her closely is not a bad thing; it means he loves her and wants to avoid a repeat of what happened. Ask him what you can do to support your daughter, if anything, and take your cue from there.

DEAR ABBY: Ever since I got married a year ago, my family has been trying to "fix" me. My sister texts me asking if I'm OK and how she can love on me better because she thinks I have no life and don't socialize. My mom makes comments whenever I'm over about how I'm introverted, etc.

Abby, I just had a baby, and I work full time. I don't have time to go over to see them often, so they think I stay home all day long and do nothing. But it's so far from true. I have tried talking to them about it and saying I have friends, etc. But nothing works. What do I do? -- FINE AS I AM

DEAR FINE: Because talking to your mother and your sister hasn't helped, remember that they mean well and are trying to be helpful. Then tune them out.

DEAR ABBY: My daughter's boyfriend recently came to us asking for our daughter's hand in marriage. We like him very much, and we were happy to give our blessings. What threw me was, after he got our permission, he asked if we had any family heirlooms (diamonds) he could use to have made into an engagement ring.

Call me old-fashioned, but I thought the groom-to-be usually got something like that handed down from his family, not the bride's. Please tell me if I'm wrong about this. -- OLD-FASHIONED MOM

DEAR OLD-FASHIONED: You are not wrong. The groom (not the parents of the bride-to-be) is supposed to be responsible for the engagement ring. Because you like the young man, you should have conveyed that message as gently as possible.

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I are retired and financially comfortable. I have my spending money, and he has his. The problem is, he doesn't want me to spend any money on my granddaughter.

I pick her up from school every day, give her an afternoon snack, and on Friday, we stop and get something special. My husband thinks my daughter should pay for my gas and provide snacks for her child. I disagree. I love doing things for my granddaughter and buying things for her every once in a while. When I do, he goes nuts, packs up his clothes and goes to his camp. After a few days he will call.

I have lived with this behavior all our married life (55 years). He has fussed so many times and made me so depressed, I just want to die. He says he loves me, but I wonder. If he loved me, he would want me to be happy -- doing things with my granddaughter and getting her pretty things every now and then because it makes me happy.

I don't go out and get my hair or nails done. I don't drink or smoke, and we don't go out to eat at expensive restaurants. His complaining is driving me crazy, and I can't live like this anymore. She's 10 and growing up so fast. All I want is to enjoy her the little while I have left. Advice? -- BLOCKED GRANDMA IN LOUISIANA

DEAR GRANDMA: After 55 years of tolerating your husband's tantrums and controlling behavior, I seriously doubt you are going to get him to change. You can, however, change the way you react to it. If you have money of your own, he does not have the right to tell you how to spend it. Let him go camping, and while he's gone, enjoy your time with your granddaughter. If he "goes nuts" -- which I assume means becomes verbally abusive -- leave the room.

Ask yourself whether you are better off with this man or without him. And if you truly cannot live like this anymore, talk to an attorney and explore your options.

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I have a friend of 35 years I'll call Hank. Hank had an accident three months ago. His vehicle was totaled, and he has been depending upon us to take him grocery shopping and to various appointments. When we take him, he often adds additional stops without asking ahead of time, which turns a quick trip into a marathon shopping excursion.

We still work part-time, while Hank is retired. He is procrastinating about buying another vehicle, citing various reasons why he can't find the right one, and we are becoming exhausted from driving him around. We have mentioned several times that he needs to get a vehicle; his response is, "It's not easy."

We feel sad that our friendship has taken this turn. We have tried to be as helpful as possible, but our patience is wearing thin. What do you suggest? -- WORN OUT IN THE SOUTHWEST

DEAR WORN OUT: I suggest you stop making yourselves so available when Hank asks for transportation. If you do, it may stimulate him to look more diligently for a new vehicle, or explore other rideshare options.