DEAR ABBY: My 23-year-old daughter is dating a transgender woman, "Holly." My family is accepting, and we love Holly. However, she has been met with varying levels of acceptance from some of our friends.

Recently, one of them, "Gina," invited our family to an upcoming poolside barbecue at their home. Gina's mother (who lives with them) told my daughter she should bring her girlfriend. Normally, Holly would not accompany us, as she works odd hours, but she happened to have this day off.

Gina and her mother are accepting, nonjudgmental people. Gina's husband is not. I don't like him, but I tolerate him for Gina's sake. My main concern was Holly's safety and well-being, but she wanted to come despite knowing what he's like. When I called Gina to make sure he wouldn't make trouble, she told me she didn't think it would be a problem, but she would give him a heads-up. She called me right back afterward, extremely apologetic, saying he reacted very badly, and she didn't think it was a good idea to bring Holly.

I think she was more than a little naive about her husband's ability to accept Holly, but I know it's not her fault and I'm not upset with her. However, I am left with an awkward situation. My daughter wants to stay home with Holly now, which I'm fine with. I told Gina weeks ago that I would attend her party. But now I feel like I am betraying my daughter and Holly, and I'm not looking forward to being around Gina's husband at all. I honestly am not sure what the right thing to do here is. Any advice would be welcome. -- PROGRESSIVE MOM IN THE SOUTH

DEAR MOM: The right thing to do would be to follow your heart. In this sad situation, that would be conveying your regrets to Gina and, in the future, seeing her apart from her husband, who you can't stand anyway.

DEAR ABBY: My son recently found out he has a school-age son. I'll call the boy "Billy." Billy has stayed overnight with me and gone on several outings. Billy's mom has another child who is slightly older. During our last visit, Billy's half-brother asked me if he could come next time. I responded with, "We'll see."

When I spoke to my husband about it, he said, "You don't want to start something." I agree with him. I have no responsibility toward the other sibling. I enjoy being with Billy, but I'm concerned about the animosity his half-brother might feel toward Billy, because he has to travel with his mother when Billy visits. -- BILLY'S GRANDMA

DEAR BILLY's GRANDMA: I strongly disagree with your husband's advice. If you see Billy and habitually exclude his half-brother, you will "start something," and the something you start will be hurt feelings and a troubled relationship between those siblings. If you can't find it in your heart to sometimes include the other boy and treat them both with love and kindness, don't see either of them.

DEAR ABBY: I am friends with "Pete" and "Pam," a couple I have known for more than 20 years. Pam is keeping secrets from Pete, and, unfortunately, I'm aware of it.

I need a way to address my concerns to Pete. He works full time in a great job, and his salary goes into a joint bank account. Pam handles all the finances and pays the bills -- rent, car, etc. When Pete and I hang out and he asks Pam (who has the credit cards) for small amounts of money, she says, "Sorry, we don't have it." I understand that might be the case sometimes, but it happens all the time.

Pam also secretly borrows cash from me. She pays it back late sometimes, but not always. I talked with Pam and told her to tell Pete she borrows. I don't think she did, and it concerns me. I'm her enabler but I'm putting my foot down and not doing it anymore.

I'm worried because Pete thinks they have all this money saved for a house. I'm starting to think Pam has spent it, or most of it. How can I tell Pete as a friend to check the finances without starting World War III? I'd hate to lose my friends over this, but I'm afraid the money he is earning is going somewhere else -- where, I have no idea. Please help. -- IN DANGER OF LOSING FRIENDS

DEAR IN DANGER: Tell Pete everything you have written to me. If he is so financially ignorant that he doesn't know how to check his balances and his credit rating, he should talk with a CPA for help ascertaining his financial status. Whether Pam has a spending problem or some other type of addiction, he needs to know. He also needs to know how long his dreams of homeownership may need to be postponed if what you are concerned about is true.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a 37-year-old woman who has had to move back to my mother's home after ending a long-term relationship. I love her dearly and appreciate her letting me stay with her until I can get back on my feet. The problem is, I never have any alone time at home or even out when I socialize. She's close with all my friends and frequently goes to the same bars and restaurants I do.

When I go out on weekends, she invariably asks me where I'm going and then shows up and sits with me and my group. I love her, but I really need some space. I'm single. I want to meet people when I'm out, and I can't do it with her there. When I try to talk to her about it, she gets upset and thinks I don't "ever" want her around. That's not true. I just want my own social life without her always being there. Please help. -- NEEDING SPACE IN NEW JERSEY

DEAR NEEDING SPACE: It's time for an adult conversation with Mama. Explain that you enjoy her company but need some time by yourself -- whether it's at home or with your friends. If you don't want her beside you all the time when you're home, agree on a place you can retreat to for some solitude -- like your bedroom.

When you're going out with friends, be clear that you want some time with them without her being present because it inhibits you. This does not mean she's not ever welcome, but maybe half the time. Encourage her to spend more time with her own friends. If she doesn't have any, help her to find some. Your problem may be that your mother is simply lonely and starved for company.

DEAR ABBY: My mother has had serious health problems lately. She had a brain tumor that was successfully removed. Four weeks later, she needed major colorectal surgery. I stepped up and used my vacation and sick time to care for her. I don't earn a lot of money, but I make enough to support myself.

During Mom's illness, my car broke down, and my brother offered to get it repaired since I was with her 24/7 for about six months. I was grateful because I didn't have time to manage that situation. He returned the car to me with an itemized bill for around $3,600, and I repaid him on a monthly basis. When the bill got down to about $1,200, he told me that he'd taken a collection from our family and the rest of the debt was forgiven.

Abby, I just learned he didn't take a collection from "our family." He took a collection from my children. I don't want to list all the reasons why this is upsetting. My children are adults. I did not pay for their college. They're all self- supporting and have made their own way in life. I'm very proud that they stepped up to the plate when my brother rolled them, but I didn't raise my kids expecting them to take care of me or support me in any way.

Is it unreasonable of me to be angry at him for doing this? We have 75 family members. My parents are the oldest ones left. For the last 17 years I have taken them to every medical appointment and surgical procedure with no help from anyone. My brother ran the vacuum cleaner only three times during the six months Mom was sick. Am I right to think what he did was wrong? -- BOTHERED IN THE EAST

DEAR BOTHERED: You are entitled to your feelings. Before soliciting your children for the $1,200, it would have been better had he let the other 73 relatives know you needed a hand. If he had, it would have cost less than a good meal. Because you feel it was wrong for your children to have forked over the money, offer to repay them if it will make you feel better. But don't be surprised if they refuse. (By the way, they seem pretty terrific, and so do you.)

DEAR ABBY: I live in a state where it is illegal for employers to ask their employees about their vaccination status. I am vaccinated and cautiously eating inside restaurants now. Since I can't ask a manager about the vaccination status of employees, can I ask a server about it when they approach? How should the question be phrased? I have asked the person who cuts my hair and the people at my doctor's office, but I am unsure how to ask in a restaurant. -- QUESTIONS IN THE MIDWEST

DEAR QUESTIONS: If you do not know a person's vaccination status, proceed with caution. If you have established a relationship with a server and feel comfortable asking, ask. Otherwise, use your common sense about your safety. Your server should be masked. If the person is not masked, you should be patronizing a different establishment.