DEAR ABBY: I am a 19-year-old trans man. I told my mother years ago, and while she hasn't stopped me from transitioning, she's wholly unsupportive. Despite telling her my new name and pronouns, she refuses to refer to me that way even when we are alone. (I can't tell the rest of my family; they would disown me.)

Every time I bring it up, she gets quiet or changes the subject. I love her and she loves me, but it breaks my heart to see her ignore who I am, and I know she won't back me up if the rest of my family finds out. I feel hopeless. What do I do to make her understand? -- TRUE SELF IN GEORGIA

DEAR TRUE SELF: Parents usually want to protect their children. They can also be misinformed or confused about the issue of being a trans person. The announcement may be hard to accept because many individuals have known they're trans for a long time but hesitated to tell others, including their parents. The revelation can be awkward and challenging to respond to with patience, love and care.

Take your mom to a PFLAG meeting, if she's willing to go. It can make a huge difference for parents, and it's what I recommend for you. To find a local chapter, visit pflag.org/find. PFLAG booklets like "Our Trans Loved Ones" or "Guide to Being a Trans Ally" could be enlightening for her (and you).

For your own emotional support, find community that is accepting and affirming -- PFLAG, a faith community or a transmasculine support group -- to gain confidence and safety. And do not underestimate the power of "chosen family." Create a plan to get your life in order if your family can't be accepting. There are people who will love and care for anyone whose family can't love them. Seek them out.

While it may be challenging, look toward community gathering spaces and meetup groups. People are there; it may just take a bit more work to find them. Consider starting the search in a nearby larger town or city to find out who else travels there for support, or to find a safe space to explore away from home to gain a broader perspective.

Stay safe. Educate yourself about resources online (affirming communities, crisis and emergency hotlines, state laws and rules). Planning ahead is something people forget most often about the transition process. I wish you only the best.

DEAR ABBY: I may stop going to an auto mechanic I have used for several years because of mistakes he made diagnosing problems on my daughter's friend's car. He advised her to get another car, but a different mechanic replaced the spark plugs and the catalytic converter, and the car is fine. Should I tell him why I'm not coming back or just drive off into the sunset and let it go? -- FIXING TO CHANGE IN OHIO

DEAR FIXING: Let it go. If the mechanic contacts you and asks why he hasn't seen you, tell him the truth -- that you no longer trust his judgment after the bum steer he gave your daughter's friend.

DEAR ABBY: I am the mother of two small children. I have separated from their verbally abusive, alcoholic father. I returned to my grandmother, who raised me, and tried to get a job. I couldn't find one quickly because we went into quarantine and my uncles made me move out.

I currently live in a women's shelter with my children, and I finally got a job. My problem is my husband still acts like we are getting back together, and he's embarrassed that we are living here. I want a divorce, but he won't talk about it, and threatens not to send money to support me and the children. He doesn't send much, but I have enough gas to get everywhere during the week.

He keeps telling me how much money he makes now and that he can get us a nice place where he is, or he can come stay a whole week with us when he's off. I don't want him to come stay with us. When I tell him this, he gets angry and hangs up, but then calls back the next day to say the same thing. I can't get him to understand that I don't want to be with him anymore, and I'm tired of his abuse. (The last time I lived with him, he "accidentally" knocked our son into the couch and walked out.) He won't admit he has a problem. Any advice? -- DONE FOR GOOD

DEAR DONE: Your husband persists the way he has been because he's trying to wear you down to the point that you will reunite with him. Perhaps you should accept fewer of those phone calls. If there are social workers connected to the shelter you're staying in, consult them about your predicament.

Your husband cannot shirk paying child support. If he doesn't do it voluntarily, his wages can be garnished. While you're at it, reach out to the National Domestic Violence Hotline (800-799-7233) because they may have useful suggestions about how to rid yourself of your abusive, alcoholic husband.

DEAR ABBY: Our only son has moved 2,000 miles away and has no contact with his sisters or me. I know his street address and still have his email address and phone number. About 10 years ago, when I was separated from his father, we were both expressing our angst, and I more than likely negated his feelings in an email. I ran across it the other day, and now realize that it may have caused the rift.

Should I bring that up in an apology now, hoping he will accept my most sincere acknowledgment that I ignored his pain? If so, what do I say? I am heartbroken and cannot sleep well with this hanging over my head. -- HEARTBROKEN MOM IN TEXAS

DEAR MOM: Write your son and tell him you are trying to understand what has caused the rift between you. Explain that you have been going over things in your mind and found the email from so long ago. Tell him that if this is what caused it, you sincerely apologize, but that you were both going through a difficult time when the email was written, that you love him and hope he will forgive you if it caused him pain.

DEAR ABBY: Many years ago, I was the victim of a violent assault that my then-11-year-old daughter witnessed. It traumatized both of us, but me, the worst. I completely dove off the deep end. I started drinking and smoking pot, and quit going to church. My whole personality changed. I dumped every moment with my children I could onto my husband so I could go out with my "friends" to clubs, bars, concerts or parties. I then started having affairs with many different people, including women. My husband knew about all of it, and despite the torture and pain I put him through, he stayed with me.

Years later, I have managed to slowly heal from that devastating assault. I have found true joy in my children and being a mom again. I don't party, drink or smoke anymore. But one thing has become clear: I'm no longer sexually attracted to my husband. I love him very much, but the thought of being intimate with him grosses me out. It makes me so uncomfortable. I don't even like it when he tries to caress me. It has been like this for a year. But I do love holding hands with him and cuddling with him.

I feel bad because I know he has needs, but I just can't bring myself to get physical with him. I've actually thought that leaving him might be necessary because he has never fully healed from what I've done, and I'm still struggling with finding other men attractive. Abby, what do I do? -- PUTTING THE PIECES BACK TOGETHER

DEAR PUTTING: Please accept my sympathy for what happened to you. I am struck by the fact that nowhere in your letter did you mention receiving counseling after the assault. If you didn't, please seek a referral to a licensed mental health professional now so you can understand the connection between what you experienced in your assault and your lack of feelings for your husband. You owe it to both of you.

Go online and search on "services for victims of crime" in your state. Help is available through these resources. Alternatively, your physician or health insurance provider can give you a referral. Explain to your husband that the problem isn't him -- it's you -- and you will be getting help for it. Please don't wait to reach out because help is available.

DEAR ABBY: My 45-year-old son is getting married to a lovely girl. More good news: She is an heiress and in a financial bracket that I can never compete with. They are having a big wedding. I need help finding a gift that will have meaning to them. They already have a house, fancy trips and everything they need. -- BAFFLED IN OHIO

DEAR BAFFLED: Because you're not an heiress, consider giving them something money can't buy -- something personal. If she cooks when they're not traveling or has someone to do it for them, a collection of your family's recipes -- especially your son's favorites -- might be appreciated. And if they plan to start a family later on, consider giving his wife his baby book if you made one for him.