DEAR ABBY: I have been with my live-in boyfriend for eight years. During the last five months, he has started staying out until daylight, choosing his friends over me, snapping at me when he talks at all and doesn't want to be around me. We have always gone everywhere together and shared our friendships with each other. There's an age gap of 16 years, but it has never been a problem.

I left for a month last year when I caught him talking to another woman through messaging (not platonic talk). That month I did a lot of soul-searching and set boundaries I will no longer allow to be broken. Because of past failed relationships, I have learned how to stand up and voice my opinion and care for myself emotionally. I guess my question is, should I be concerned, keep trying to communicate my feelings to him or move on with my life? I always put him ahead of anyone other than my children and God, but he doesn't give me the same respect. -- LOST FOR ANSWERS IN ARKANSAS

DEAR LOST: Is your boyfriend the person who is 16 years younger? I ask because his behavior is certainly immature. In light of what you have written, it should be clear to you that he is no longer as committed to your relationship as you have been. You stated that you have established boundaries that you will no longer allow to be broken. GOOD FOR YOU. It is time to reestablish them because the treatment you have been receiving is not only disrespectful, but also cruel. You may have devoted years to the relationship, but from my perspective, you have invested enough. Tell him you can see that he is not happy and ask him if he wants to break up. I have a strong feeling that the answer will be yes.

DEAR ABBY: I am a 20-year-old gay man. I recently started a new job in which I thought I'd be replacing an aging co-worker who is supposed to be retiring "in a year." Every time I have mentioned anything to her about her retiring, she has corrected me, saying she's only going to cut back to a day or two a week. When I was hired, I was told she'd be gone in a month. I'm uncomfortable because she is politically conservative, deeply religious and sometimes moody, which makes her difficult to be around.

I have kept my mouth shut since I have been here only a month, whereas she has been here more than 20 years. I recently found out two other people had been hired for my role before I was, and both quit within six months. Should I stay and wait it out or follow the possibility of happiness elsewhere? -- HOT AND BOTHERED IN INDIANA

DEAR HOT AND BOTHERED: Talk with your employer about the circumstances under which you were hired. You were told you would replace this woman and she'd be gone in one month. Exercise a little patience for another month or so and, if she's still there, ask your employer if something has changed because she's telling you she's not quitting. You deserve a straight answer if circumstances have changed. If that's the case and the job is no longer what you thought it was going to be, then "follow the possibility of happiness elsewhere" after you have found a new job.

DEAR ABBY: One night about six months ago, my mom walked out on my dad. A week later, she admitted she had been having an affair for a whole year. My parents' divorce was final three months after she left. Mom has now announced to me and my siblings that she's engaged and plans to marry her fiance just six months after the divorce. We think it's a terrible idea. We really dislike her fiance and think he's a bad guy based on our interactions with him. Mom claims to be happy, but we don't believe her. Should we just let her live her life? How do we accept this new reality? -- THROWN IN WASHINGTON

DEAR THROWN: If you and your siblings plan to maintain a relationship with your mother, handle this like the hot potato it is. Recognize that things were not as rosy as you assumed in your parents' marriage, take things one step at a time, and make an extra effort to look out for your father. Then cross your fingers and hope that as painful as this disruption is, everything works out for the best.

DEAR ABBY: I have been married 33 years. We have no savings. We live paycheck to paycheck. My husband keeps borrowing more and more, and our credit cards are out of hand. He still works. I am retired. He has a 28-foot enclosed trailer stuffed with mechanical items, hobbies, collectibles and who knows what else, as well as a double garage filled with so much you can't walk in. There is $10,000 to $15,000 worth of stuff. He refuses to sell anything even though he hasn't even been to the trailer in more than a year. We have terrible fights over this. I'm losing sleep over our future. Any ideas? -- GOING DOWNHILL IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR GOING DOWNHILL: From what you have described, your husband is a hoarder. Some people do this because of anxiety or depression. Your husband needs to get to the root of why he spends compulsively on things he isn't using. His doctor could refer him for counseling and possibly medication that would help if he is willing. However, if he's unwilling, you may need to separate your finances from his before he encumbers you both further.

DEAR ABBY: How do you tell your adult children it's time for them to start planning family events? Neither of my 30-something kids has planned a thing. I thought I raised them better than this, but unless I plan birthdays, holidays, etc., nothing happens. I'm tired of being the social glue. How do I get them to step up? -- PASSING THE TORCH

DEAR PASSING: You can encourage your children to step forward and assume some responsibility for family events by telling them in plain English. As the next holiday draws near, approach them individually and as a group, and inform them if they want family celebrations, they should start planning some of them because, after all these years, you need a break.

DEAR ABBY: My father-in-law and I are just cut from different cloth. We are political opposites, although we do get along for the most part. On a family vacation (we were visiting them), we were going out for dinner. My wife and I knew he was going to take us to a restaurant we both have ethical issues with. I handed him a 10% off coupon for a different nearby restaurant and said, "Here's another option for dinner." When he responded that he thought we'd go to the first place, I said, "Sorry. I have some moral issues with it and won't eat there. Is there somewhere else we can go?" He then blew up at me, saying things like, "If you're not paying, what difference does it make?" and "Since you're our guest, it's rude of you to refuse." My wife agreed that he was out of line. What do you think? Was it rude of us as their guests? Or rude of him as a host to not accommodate us? -- NOT GOING THERE IN NEBRASKA

DEAR NOT GOING: You have a loyal and loving wife. However, a more honest and less biased spouse would have pointed out (privately) that your manners were atrocious. A gracious guest accepts the hospitality offered by their host rather than trying to turn the occasion into a demonstration of cancel culture. You owe your father-in-law an apology.

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I are retired and are both managing separate cancer diagnoses. This makes our finances hard to predict in the event one of us needs expensive medication. We did a good job saving for retirement and live comfortably.

Our adult daughter contracted Lyme disease 10 years ago and became very ill. She endured years of painful treatments -- which were not covered by insurance -- during which time her husband divorced her. We stepped in to help with her medical bills. While the Lyme is no longer detectable in her system, some of the symptoms have never completely gone away. Now she's undergoing more tests looking at a hormone imbalance.

My husband is angry that we are still paying some of her medical bills. (She works, has insurance and pays for what she can.) We can afford to help her, and I don't understand why her father doesn't want to help her anymore. We've argued about this many times over the years, and I'm frustrated with the situation. I'm not willing to give up on her like so many others have. What can I say to him the next time he confronts me about paying her medical bills? -- DEVOTED IN OREGON

DEAR DEVOTED: It may be time to stop arguing with your husband about this. Your adult daughter works and has medical insurance. You and your husband are both medically fragile. While I understand your desire to protect your daughter, you should not be supplementing her income if it threatens your access to the medications you may need in the future.