DEAR ABBY: I was married young to my high school sweetheart. We had five children together. During that time, I joined the Air Force. After six years of marriage, I discovered my wife was cheating on me. Once I realized we couldn't reconcile, I told her I wanted a divorce and custody of the children. She agreed. It cost me my career with the USAF.

Flash-forward to today: Thirty-seven years have passed. I have never said a bad word to my children about their mother. My ex never took the time to build meaningful relationships with them. My oldest daughter once tried to have a relationship with her. A month or so later, she asked, "Dad, why did you ever marry that woman?"

I have just learned from my oldest daughter that her mother is dying and has less than six months to live. My oldest shared the news with her siblings, who had given up on having a mother years ago. She also offered to drive her mom to appointments.

Do you think it would be good for my children to write letters to their mother, expressing their feelings toward her and giving her forgiveness from their point of view? Their ages range from 38 to 43. They are stable, hardworking adults and great parents as well. -- DO-RIGHT DAD IN OHIO

DEAR DAD: You are a thoughtful, caring and forgiving parent. Your children are adults now. You might "suggest" this to them, but do not pressure them into doing anything with which they are uncomfortable. They may not deeply grieve their mother's passing in light of the fact that she left them behind decades ago.

DEAR ABBY: I have a good Christian friend in her 70s who has basically done nothing with her life. Her husband supports her. For 35 years, my friend has been saying, "God will show me what I should do." How can I tell her that God helps those who help themselves?

She suffers from bouts of severe depression but will not even choose a hobby because she's waiting on God. Of course, I can't help her to help herself, so I feel at a loss. And it's difficult for me to watch her wait for answers that never come. What advice would you offer? -- FRUSTRATED FRIEND IN GEORGIA

DEAR FRIEND: You stated that this woman is a good friend. If you have offered her suggestions about how to utilize her time and they have been ignored, you may find less frustration if you quit doing that. You cannot "fix" her indecision.

However, when she starts cycling down into another depression, you should urge her to discuss it with her doctor. If she says she's waiting for God to tell her to do that, because God isn't telling her anything directly, explain that God sometimes speaks to us through the people who love us, of which you are one. Hope it will stir her to action, because there is help for those who suffer from depressive illness.

DEAR ABBY: I've been married to the most amazing woman for 30 years. She became a personal trainer and is in incredible shape. I'm not in her kind of shape, and I can't perform too well sexually, even with ED meds. She recently asked if she could have her (sexual) needs taken care of by a young client she trains. I'm OK with it, since I'm sympathetic to her desires, as long as she doesn't fall in love. Your thoughts? -- WANTS WHAT'S BEST FOR HER

DEAR WANTS: The three of you are adults and capable of making your own decisions, but I am hesitant to bless this because it is so risky. Make sure to iron out all of the variables that may occur. She might fall in love with her client; he may fall in love with her. (Or not.) If he decides to move on, what will the effect be on her and you? Before you agree to this arrangement, think long and hard.

DEAR ABBY: My stepdaughter, "Lily," who lives in Canada, is married to an American, "Tom." Somehow, collection agencies have connected Tom to my husband and me, and we have been receiving letters addressed to him. I opened one by mistake and learned the extent of his debt.

Now we are receiving two different letters each month for him, and I fear he may have even more debt than I have discovered. We don't know if Lily is aware of their financial situation. They have spoken about moving to the States, but I don't know if she would still be open to that if she knew about the debt collectors. They are already struggling financially and have a young child.

How should we broach this subject with them? Should we speak to them together, individually or just hand over the mail and stay out of it? We don't like the idea of her being misled. This is casting a shadow over our upcoming vacation together. -- SHOCKED IN THE EAST

DEAR SHOCKED: I vote for addressing this subject with Lily and her husband in person and handing them the letters you have received, including the one that was opened in error. Your stepdaughter may or may not be aware of what she is in for, and it would be unfair not to let her know if she has been kept in the dark.

DEAR ABBY: I recently had a blow-up with my father because he is buying an $8,500 used car for my sister's boyfriend. The BOYfriend is almost 50 and divorced three times. He is currently without a job or transportation. Meanwhile, my father is unwilling to help me fix the vehicle I own. Your thoughts? -- DISAPPOINTED SON IN FLORIDA

DEAR SON: I can see why you might be upset, but it is your father's money, and he is entitled to do with it as he wishes. My thought is that you should not count on your father to bail you out -- for anything. Your father may have chosen to do this to get the financial pressure off your sister.

DEAR ABBY: This is in response to "Love My Cheap Phone" (Aug. 28). As a millennial who has worked in retail my whole adult life, I'm tired of the excuse that the older generation can't or won't use smartphones.

Personal computers have been out for decades, and smartphones have been around more than 16 years. Like the automatic transmission, these things are designed to make our lives easier and should be embraced rather than shunned. I've had people cuss me out over not being able to access discounts due to not having a smartphone -- going so far as to claim discrimination.

The only person holding them back is themself, and most of the time smartphones are more intuitive than previously thought. They also all don't cost $1,000; many basic use smartphones can be bought for under $200, not to mention certain phone companies offer big discounts on people's first smartphone with a new account. I don't feel bad for "Love." I suggest they get with the times, because these devices aren't going away. -- MILLENNIAL IN OREGON

DEAR MILLENNIAL: Thank you for writing. After that letter appeared, I was inundated with comments from readers. Some of them agreed with you. Other readers understood "Love's" point and offered suggestions for transitioning more easily to a modern communication device. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: I'm a senior with mobility issues, and I couldn't live without my smartphone. It is not a "toy." I use it to fill my prescriptions, schedule medical appointments, check test results and communicate with my doctors. I do most of my shopping, conduct all of my banking online, call up ride-sharing, make travel arrangements and keep in touch with friends and family. I encourage "Love" to open their mind a bit. -- ONLINE SENIOR IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR ABBY: There is a government program, Lifeline (go to fcc.gov), that provides a free smartphone and phone service to low-income people. If someone chooses not to have a smartphone for other reasons, that's their choice -- but no one should go without one because they cannot afford it. -- MARY IN MASSACHUSETTS

DEAR ABBY: Some states offer the Affordable Connectivity Program (ACP) which provides free phone service with smartphones and tablets to low-income individuals or those receiving Social Security. A tablet might be the better option to use for the kind of interactions the writer described. -- HOPEFULLY HELPING OUT WEST

DEAR ABBY: I'm guessing "Love" has family and friends who have older phones in the junk drawers of their homes. (We do.) Perhaps someone would be willing to part with one. Also, AARP offers classes to learn how to use a smartphone, which I suspect is behind your writer's reluctance to modernize. -- KRISTIN IN NEW HAMPSHIRE

DEAR ABBY: As a retired librarian who has helped many seniors with their technology, the idea of a $1,000 smartphone is akin to thinking that all cars are Rolls Royces. Many phones can be had for under $200, and some for less than $100. A number of cellphone and service providers cater to seniors trying to transition from their beloved flip phones. I urge "Love" to visit their local library and see what advice they can get there. -- MR. G. IN SYRACUSE, N.Y.