DEAR ABBY: Before we had children, my stepmother dropped many "hints" encouraging us to have kids, and promised multiple times that she would retire when we did to help out with them. We now have a 6-year-old and an 18-month-old. When we ask my father and stepmother to babysit or watch the kids, they say, "We'd love to, but now is not convenient."

They live seven minutes away, but have never offered to babysit. They watch the kids maybe once out of 20 times that we ask. They do drop by to see us as a family when it's convenient for them, and my children adore them. Whenever they drop by, we stop whatever we're doing to spend time with them because those relationships are important for us and our children.

Culturally, it's the norm for grandparents to watch children. My grandparents watched us often as children, especially after my mother died. I never expected my stepmother to actually quit her job to watch our kids, but I really did anticipate more support than we receive. I don't know how to express that we need more support than they are offering. -- NEEDY MOM IN NEW ZEALAND

DEAR MOM: You were fortunate to have a grandmother who had the time and the desire to look after you, but not all families are the same. If you are a regular "Dear Abby" reader, you likely know I often receive mail from folks complaining that they don't have enough access to their grandchildren.

I'm sorry your stepmother raised your expectations and hasn't followed through. If you think she and your dad will change their ways, explain to them that you need their help. However, if it isn't forthcoming, accept that you will have to hire a babysitter on those occasions.

DEAR ABBY: My husband, "Dan," died 4 1/2 years ago. We were together for 17 years. I have stayed in touch with his mother and one of his sisters. His family is politically the opposite of my daughter and me, and very religious (we are not). He had twin adult children I also stay in contact with. They are the only family I have in the area. We also have a 20-year-old daughter together.

Am I obligated to stay in contact with his family because of our daughter? They are kind and courteous when I call, but no longer invite us to visit. My mother-in-law has also stopped sending me and my daughter gifts on special occasions.

How healthy is it to stay in contact, and for how long? I feel bad because my daughter doesn't really have any family anymore. How should I continue with his side of the family? -- A BIT LOST IN WASHINGTON

DEAR LOST: I see nothing to be gained by slamming any doors. Relationships evolve, and the relationship you have with your late husband's family seems to be evolving away. Keep things as cordial as you can, if only for your daughter's sake, by sending cards on appropriate occasions. Do not burn any bridges. If your daughter wants to reach out to these family members, she is old enough to do it without your help.

DEAR ABBY: I have been with my abusive husband for almost 30 years. I made several attempts to leave him, which resulted in him stalking me and threatening to seriously harm me and our children. Despite all his threats and abuse, I was forced to allow him to take our children unsupervised. I would end up going back so I could be present when he was around the children.

Our youngest just moved out and, surprisingly, my husband has calmed down. I am going to leave, and I'm looking for places out of state where he won't be able to find me. Honestly, I'm terrified. How do I move somewhere new and start over alone? -- ANONYMOUS IN THE U.S.

DEAR ANONYMOUS: Because you feel you may be in danger if you follow through with your plan to leave your abuser and start a new life, contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline. Its toll-free phone number is: 800-799-7233. The people there can help you formulate a safe way to escape. I wish you good luck and a much happier life.

DEAR ABBY: I work nine hours a day in a mental health clinic talking to the clients and doing billing and collections among many other things. I love my job. The problem is that when I step outside to take a break, I want it to be my quiet time.

Most people say a quick "hi," and that's fine, but a man in the business downstairs from me comes out and chats every time. He calls me by the wrong name (which I have not corrected) and talks while I respond with the bare minimum to show I'm not interested. Is there a nice way to say I am not interested in his company while I am on break? -- DECOMPRESSING IN WISCONSIN

DEAR DECOMPRESSING: Yes, but it will take backbone on your part. The next time you see this person, tell him there are two things about you he needs to know. They are: Your name isn't "Joan," and when you take a break from the pressure of your job, you would like to do it alone.

DEAR ABBY: My wife's sister died 14 months ago at the young age of 52. Since then, my brother-in-law has been texting and calling my wife constantly. He is grieving, and his alcohol problem has gotten worse. I have tried to be patient about their communication, but I'm finding myself getting jealous. What's your advice? -- BOTHERED IN ILLINOIS

DEAR BOTHERED: Have a talk with your wife about this. She is grieving the loss of her sister as well as trying to help her widowed brother-in-law. Put your jealousy aside, at least for now, and suggest she join a grief support group.

As to your brother-in-law, understand that his drinking problem won't resolve itself until he admits he has one and decides to join a support group or to dry out in rehab. You would be within your rights to point that out to him, as long as you do it with compassion rather than anger.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a single parent raising five young kids alone. I own my home, have a good job and have done well financially. Five years ago, after several years of making bad financial decisions, my parents showed up on my doorstep. Their house had been foreclosed on. I had given much advice leading up to it. I have also offered them advice since then to help get them on their feet. Little of it has been taken.

Living with them has triggered issues from my childhood, most of which they contributed to but take no responsibility for. They do pay a little to me in rent, help with housework and sometimes watch my children. But past issues are still evident, and I don't want that example around my kids.

I have made clear for months that they have overstayed their welcome, but they argue with me and take no steps to get on their feet. I have tried having meetings with them and my siblings. These end in shouting matches, and nothing changes. I know if I evict them, it will likely sever the relationship. Is that my only option? -- DISGRUNTLED DAUGHTER

DEAR DAUGHTER: You were kind to take your parents in, but you are being taken advantage of. This is a problem you should discuss with an attorney, because after having camped out in your home for the length of time your parents have, it may indeed take a formal eviction to get them out.

Do not expect to be thanked for the help you have given them all this time and, if I read your letter correctly, do not expect any assistance from your siblings. Do what you must for yourself and your children. You have given your parents enough.

DEAR ABBY: This morning, I found my husband has been chatting on his phone with a much younger woman. Since then, I have been wondering if I should ask him about it. He just retired, but I'm still working, and my job is in the afternoon and evening. He's an extrovert who loves being around people. Should I be worried he's cheating on me?

We've been married 30 years and have a grown child together. Our sex life isn't good. For many years, we worked opposite shifts, so we didn't go to bed and get up at the same time. Now we do, but he's alone during the afternoon and evening. I don't have any friends I trust enough to ask, and I'm certainly not saying anything to family. Can you help? -- SUSPICIOUS IN NEW MEXICO

DEAR SUSPICIOUS: Because you know her age, I’m guessing you already know quite a bit about this much younger woman. If you ask your husband about this, you will have to disclose that you looked at his phone. Spouses don’t usually do that unless they are suspicious something might be going on.

If you think what he's been doing could be a threat to your marriage, you are going to have to come clean and tell him you feel threatened by what you saw. Better to confront than to ignore and hope a problem will go away by itself.