DEAR ABBY: After 17 years of marriage, I learned, to my dismay, that when he was 22, my husband had a long-term relationship with a 16-year-old. He insisted that she had lied about her age and told him she was 20.

But even after finding out her true age, he went back to her. Her mother was OK with it, as well as other family members who all knew she was underage. It makes me sick to my stomach. They engaged in sexual activity when she was underage. They were even engaged until she allegedly cheated.

I'm livid because he tried to say he told me she was underage, but he never did. I would never have dated or married someone who knowingly had sex with an underaged individual. I've been questioning a lot about this marriage, but this sent me over the top. Am I overreacting because he "was young and dumb" and "did something stupid and never did it again," as he puts it? -- CAN'T GET OVER IT

DEAR CAN'T: The most important line in your letter as far as I am concerned is this one: "I've been questioning a lot about this marriage." The first item on your agenda should be to make an appointment with a licensed marriage and family therapist so you and your husband can start working on what's wrong with your relationship.

His feelings for that girl were sincere. He would have married her had she not cheated on him. If he has been a faithful and caring husband since your marriage, it's time to forgive him for his youthful indiscretion, which was encouraged by the girl's family.

DEAR ABBY: My son and daughter-in-law are in their early 30s. They have a 5-year-old child who hasn't seen a doctor since infancy. They opted not to vaccinate. Although my husband and I do not agree with it, we keep our mouths shut.

Our precious granddaughter has been sick with a severe cough and fever on and off for close to two months. Although they have health insurance, they refuse to take her to a doctor. They treat her with over-the-counter meds and holistic remedies.

I finally told my daughter-in-law I felt it was negligence to not take the child to a pediatrician. The other grandmother feels the same way I do. Now I'm being "canceled" for finally expressing how I feel. I am disconsolate with the thought that they would actually do that to me. I did apologize for my choice of words and the way I said them.

What else can I do to make things right again? My son is no help. He doesn't go against his wife for any reason. -- HEARTBROKEN NANA IN FLORIDA

DEAR NANA: If I read your letter correctly, you stated that your grandchild has had no vaccinations. Nothing to prevent whooping cough, diphtheria, measles, chickenpox or polio. To me, that describes gross negligence. Because your henpecked son refuses to step in, you may have to accept there is nothing you or the other grandmother can do to "make things right again." But the two of you could contact child protective services and ask if they agree that what's happening is negligence.

DEAR ABBY: I am the father of an adult son, "Kirk," who is in a relationship with a younger woman who has a young child. Neither is well educated, but they both have decent jobs.

Kirk has a teenage daughter who is getting ready for college in another state. They are close, although I'm not sure to what degree he supports her financially. I have saved some money for her college, but he has not. Kirk never married her mom.

My concern had been that my son and his girlfriend might be trying to have a baby. When he told me she is pregnant, I was beyond livid and let him know what a mistake this was. I told Kirk he owns nothing nor does she, and asked what that baby has to look forward to. His girlfriend receives no support from her child's father.

My son has now stopped talking to me. Is this my fault? I spoke what I believed was in the best interest of all parties involved, financially and morally. -- SEES A MISTAKE IN FLORIDA

DEAR SEES: Sometimes, before we speak, it is wise to ask ourselves, "Is it true? Is it helpful? Is it kind?" While your comment was true, the girlfriend is already pregnant.

Financially, Kirk will be on the hook until his second child becomes an adult, whether or not he marries the mother, so I'm thinking what you said was neither helpful nor kind. If you want a relationship with your son, it may be time to apologize.

DEAR ABBY: I am a lesbian who has been in a relationship for a year and a half. My partner was with men the majority of her life. One of her last exes is someone she now calls her best friend. She talks with and texts him every day. I now have trust issues with them because of something I saw four months ago.

I love a lot about her, except she's not very affectionate with me, and I need that. I knew when I was first getting involved with her that he was going to be in her life. They have no children tying them together, but we all go kayaking often. Although I'm not comfortable with it, she has given me no choice if I want to kayak with her. She also hides things from me, like when she buys him gifts.

How do I handle the jealousy I feel for him? I can't stand to be around him, because I know in my gut there is deception. But I don't want to lose all the good I have with her. -- THREE'S A CROWD IN VIRGINIA

DEAR THREE'S A CROWD: What does "all the good you have with her" entail? What I gather from your letter is that you have spent a year and a half with someone who is bisexual, whom you don't completely trust, and who makes you feel like a third wheel.

From where I sit, your jealousy is justified. Three in a relationship is awfully crowded, unless it's by mutual agreement. If you haven't talked to her about your feelings, you should. And if you can't arrive at a resolution, end your suffering and move on.

DEAR ABBY: My very dear friend has discovered that her live-in boyfriend of two years has been hiding $55,000 in credit card debt. This man contributes very little to the household expenses (she owns the home) and barely helps to maintain it. Instead, he spends his money on alcohol and vaping products.

He refuses to share any details about his debt and doesn't like being asked about it. She has asked him to drink less and stop vaping entirely, but nothing has changed. What advice should I share with her? I don't want to hurt her feelings, but I want to give fair and honest advice. -- FRIEND WHO CARES IN MAINE

DEAR FRIEND: If you want to give your friend fair and honest advice, wait to be asked for it. Do not offer it unsolicited because it will be ignored. If, however, she should ask, feel free to let her have it with both barrels. Her boyfriend is a substance abusing freeloader who is unwilling to change, and she deserves better.

DEAR ABBY: My best friend, "Juliet," recently lost her months-old baby under tragic circumstances. After several months, she is now pregnant again. Abby, I'm worried. She's in her 30s and wants to live with her mother for an indefinite period after the baby is born. Juliet is still with her husband.

I don't think this is healthy. It will not only take away from the couple's independence, but also reduce Juliet's confidence in being a new mother. We are so close that we call each other soul mates. Should I say something or let her do what she thinks is right? -- STANDING BY IN TENNESSEE

DEAR STANDING BY: As concerned as you are about Juliet, let her do what she thinks is right. Having lost her baby "under tragic circumstances," she needs all the emotional support she can get. If her husband is fine with that arrangement, resist the urge to interfere.

DEAR ABBY: At Christmas, I worked all day cooking a lovely turkey dinner with all the side dishes and champagne. I told my "mature adult" boyfriend that dinner would be ready at 5 p.m.

At 5 p.m., I put the (hot) food on the table and called my BF to come in. Instead of coming to the table, "Mr. Mannerless" made an (unnecessary) phone call to a woman friend and talked for nearly an hour. While the dinner got cold, I got hot! When he finally got off the phone, he grabbed a plate of food and left to watch TV. He didn't even eat with me! What should I have done? -- SIMMERING IN SOUTH DAKOTA

DEAR SIMMERING: It isn't a matter of what you should have done last Christmas. The question is what you intend to do about someone as inconsiderate as the unappreciative turkey you have been dating. He may be a mature adult, but his disregard for your feelings is appalling.