DEAR ABBY: My beautiful adopted son, "Allen," age 32, took his life six months ago. He had struggled with mental illness his entire adult life. He'd had a close relationship with his cousin -- in fact, the boys were inseparable. But when Allen started smoking tobacco at 13, my sister would no longer allow him around her son, even though her husband smoked. Allen was devastated.

My younger brother has a big cabin and hosts annual deer hunting events. I approached him several times to ask if Allen could be invited to the hunt or just be invited to the northern woods for fun. His answer was always "Not this time."

My husband died 11 years ago. Coming from a big family, I thought I'd get some help from them. Quite the opposite. Today, I'm left with bitter feelings toward my family. I know I'll never get over these losses or the feeling that the rejection from my siblings was part of Allen's depression. I'm not looking to mend my relationship with my siblings, just some words of comfort. -- SADDER THAN SAD IN MICHIGAN

DEAR SADDER: Please accept my deepest sympathy for the loss of your son. Your family may not have included him because they didn't understand his mental illness and felt ill-equipped to cope with it. This is not to excuse the fact that they distanced themselves, but rather to try to explain why they may have kept him at arm's length.

There is support available for you in the absence of theirs so you won't feel so alone. The American Foundation for Suicide Prevention could enable you to find a grief support group near you. To find one, visit afsp.org. Another terrific organization is the National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI). Visit nami.org and you will find a wealth of resources for families like yours. Please don't wait.

DEAR ABBY: I have a friend I've known for 30 years. We have shared many good times together and feel like family. The problem is, she cuts me off during every phone conversation. It doesn't matter if I'm talking about the weather or something I think is important -- she interrupts me in mid-sentence and announces she has to go, for whatever reason. She has done this for years, but lately it's gotten worse.

She's in a new marriage, and we rarely talk anymore. But when we do, it's a given that as soon as I get into talking, she has to go. I never do that to her. I listen patiently and quietly while she tells me about her life. Should I just forget about our friendship and stop answering her calls? Telling her will only make her mad to the point that she won't talk to me anymore anyway. -- CUT OFF IN KENTUCKY

DEAR CUT OFF: If telling this friend how her behavior affects you will drive her away, you should definitely tell her how you feel. If, after that, she runs in the opposite direction, it will indicate that your relationship was on shaky ground and has reached its expiration date.

DEAR ABBY: I suffered an injury that caused internal bleeding, which then gave me iron deficiency anemia. I was battling its symptoms of depression and anxiety before I was diagnosed. Never having had any mental health struggles in my life, I had no idea what was happening to me. I was happy and calm my whole life until this medical condition changed my behavior considerably.

My wife of 20 years left me. I was diagnosed with the iron deficiency anemia after she had left. After the diagnosis, I was able to stop my blood loss and cure the anemia. Its symptoms went away, and I returned to my normal self.

I was sure my wife and I would reconcile after my diagnosis, but she says I was using the illness as an excuse for my behavior. She doesn't understand it was the cause. She mistakenly believes I am permanently mentally ill. She doesn't understand that these symptoms went away once the illness was cured. She says it brought out my true personality, which is not true.

My wife and family are my whole life. I didn't get this medical condition on purpose. We have a 4-year-old daughter I am a great father to. My wife is throwing away our family and trying to take my daughter away from me because I had a curable illness, which I no longer have. How can I get her to understand what happened and save our family? -- SADDEST MAN IN THE WORLD

DEAR SADDEST MAN: You can't force your wife to reconcile, but it would be beneficial to both of you to consult your physician so he or she can explain the reason for your personality change and assure her the problem is not permanent. If that doesn't help, then you will have to accept that the marriage is over for the most tragic of reasons and go on with your life. I am so sorry for your predicament.

DEAR ABBY: My husband died two years ago. It has been a struggle, but we are making it. I have two sons. One is on his own; the other is in middle school. I want to move back to my hometown, but my son wants to stay here with his friends and go to the local high school like his brother did. I don't have anything holding me here besides my job.

I am so sad and depressed. Moving back home with friends and family closer would be better for me but maybe not better for him. Losing his dad has been really hard on him. It will be four years before he finishes school. I just want to be a good mom. Please advise me. -- NOT SURE IN SOUTH CAROLINA

DEAR NOT SURE: Do not move your son while he is in his last year or two at the middle school. By then, cliques have formed, and he may find it difficult to fit in at the new school. The time to make that move would be the summer before your son's freshman year of high school, because at that time every student will be entering a new environment and be on more equal footing socially. It couldn't hurt to discuss this with a counselor at your son's school and ask for suggestions.

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I have been married three years, and we generally trade off spending holidays with each of our families. Because neither set of our parents is willing to travel to us, we go to them.

My mother-in-law takes great pride in hosting and sets a beautiful table. She'll spend an entire day in the kitchen, forgoing visiting with guests and wearing herself out to present an amazing dinner. If this brought her pleasure, there wouldn't be a problem. But, Abby, she complains bitterly about how tired she is, how much her feet hurt, how much work it is to have people in her home and how she resents it.

The thing is, she won't let us help. I've offered each time to help her cook, bring dishes made ahead of time or take a turn so she can sit down. Each time I have been sternly rebuffed, as if I've asked something embarrassing. When I tried leading the cleanup crew, her response was a hard no. I even suggested I come a day early and help with prep work, also no. I'm pretty sure she tells her friends she has lazy kids. Suggestions? -- BAFFLED IN PENNSYLVANIA

DEAR BAFFLED: Your mother-in-law appears to love to suffer. She is a martyr, so please stop attempting to deprive her of her pleasure. Try as you will (and have), you can't change her. Of course, you and her son could offer to take her and Dad OUT for a lovely dinner. If you haven't already experienced enough rejection from the woman, you could give it a try. But don't be surprised if she refuses the offer or takes this personally. What she may say to her friends about you should not affect you.

DEAR ABBY: I'd like your opinion regarding the financial help I give my sister. When her husband passed 18 months ago, it was clear she needed some help each month. I've been sending her $200, which I can afford for now. (My husband and I are on Social Security.)

Eight months ago, she took in an old acquaintance for the purpose of collecting room rent. Turns out he can't or won't work, and she is supporting him now as well as sharing her bed. Also, their past relationship was disastrous. Both of them were alcoholics at the time. She has now resumed drinking with him, after having quit a few years ago.

Abby, I don't want my dislike for her lifestyle to impact my financial help, but on the other hand, I feel I'm being taken advantage of. Should I keep sending her money? -- SOUR SISTER IN ILLINOIS

DEAR SISTER: Have a talk with Sissy. Tell her you have been sending her money because you felt she needed it after the death of her husband. Then remind her that she has a new partner in her home, her life and her bed, and he should be contributing -- which is why you will no longer be sending her money. She needs to hear it.