DEAR ABBY: My niece, who is engaged, is blossoming into a full-fledged bridezilla. She has upset her mother so deeply that she may not attend the wedding. The bride is dictating what her guests are to wear, in addition to telling her mother what she is to wear that day. She has also ordered my sister to get hair extensions and have her makeup professionally done.

The list goes on and on. She brought her girlfriends to a bridal shop and, without asking about a budget, tried on gown after gown with no regard to cost. She fell in love with one that is beyond her mother's budget and demanded, "This is my dress!" My sister, wanting to avoid a scene, paid for it.

My sister has been excluded from all the wedding planning. The bride is deferring to her father and stepmother, who are paying for most of the wedding. If anyone offers a suggestion or asks a question, it is met with hostility. How do we handle this? My sister feels defeated and is deeply hurt by her daughter's actions. -- AUNT OF A MONSTER

DEAR AUNT: This production (I hesitate to call it a wedding) has gone so far out of control that there is nothing you or your sister can do about it. Her chance to intervene and inject some sobriety vanished the moment she paid for the bridal gown she couldn't afford.

If your sister can't afford hair extensions and a professional makeup job (and possibly a new dress) for her daughter's special day, she should consider coming just as she is and forgo being part of the wedding. She should also thank her higher power that she isn't being ordered to fly to Bermuda or Bali in order to participate.

DEAR ABBY: My wife has been neglectful and hateful toward me ever since I was verbally abusive more than four years ago. I had fallen into a serious substance addiction around the same time, but I have been clean for more than a year. The addiction was another reason she is hateful toward me and holds a grudge.

I understand how addiction affects loved ones and that our relationship is probably over. My problem is, we have two very young children and split the mortgage and all other bills 50-50. I cannot afford to live on my own. She can't afford to live alone, either. I can't imagine trying to pay child support as well as rent somewhere else, even if I got another full-time job.

I have done everything I can to make amends, but there is no hope. We tried counseling. It didn't help. I don't want to abandon the kids, but I don't know what to do. Is there any hope at all? -- LOW IN OHIO

DEAR LOW: So the abused has become the abuser. Unless your wife is willing to bury the hatchet (somewhere other than in you) and agree to marriage counseling with a different therapist, I don't think there is hope for the two of you. Ask her if, for the sake of the kids, she is willing to try. But if she refuses, consult an attorney about separating as amicably as possible.

DEAR ABBY: I recently married and was excited to be part of my husband's family. My own siblings and I are not particularly close. During COVID, one of my husband's sisters started a family text chain in which they share what's happening in their lives. I thought it was a great idea.

Not technically being a family member yet, I understood why I wasn't included in the thread. But after our wedding, I wasn't added to the chain. Come to find out, none of the spouses are included. I have also learned from my husband that his mother really had no use for any of her kids' spouses, because technically "we are not one of them."

They aren't sharing earth-shattering information with one another. It's normally fun stuff or things their kids are up to, etc. It is very hurtful that I'm not included. I have to hear everything secondhand from my husband.

Am I wrong to feel this way? I asked him to add me to the list and he tried, but he couldn't. Instead of pursuing it with his sister, he just dropped it. I have asked him several times to see what he can do, to no avail. I feel like he doesn't have my back. Your advice? -- LEFT OUT IN FLORIDA

DEAR LEFT OUT: Your husband doesn't have enough power in his family to do what you have been requesting, which is regrettable. Rather than pout, consider starting a text chain of your own, comprising of all the outcasts who have been excluded from the "our bloodline and nobody else" chain. It might be fun, and you may find it's a club that is welcoming and has some interesting things to say.

DEAR ABBY: My wife of 26 years is having an affair with another (married) man. We have teenage kids and so does he. She has been having him over and meeting him out for the last four months. The kids have noticed how she takes off in the middle of the day for hours to do a "solo hike." Several times, my teenage daughter has called me at work, frantic, saying Mom is not answering either of her phones and was supposed to pick her up at the agreed-upon location.

My wife claims to love us both and wants to continue both relationships. For our family's sake, it is sad that this has happened. He is the manager of a local business, and I encounter him from time to time. I want to ask him how he thinks this is OK. What should I do? -- SHARING HER IN MASSACHUSETTS

DEAR SHARING HER: Make up your mind about what kind of a marriage you want. If it's what you are experiencing now, do nothing. However, if it isn't, tell your wandering wife she must end the affair now. Offer her the option of counseling to see if you can get your marriage back on track.

Instead of talking with the man she's having the fling with, tell his wife what has been happening if she's unaware. That your wife is so irresponsible she would leave her daughter stranded while she's "hiking" is disgraceful. If your wife refuses counseling, contact an attorney.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a 32-year-old woman who has been with my boyfriend, my first and only partner, for 11 years. Overall, our relationship is healthy. He's smart, kind, supportive, caring, loyal and funny. I can see us getting married and living a happy life together.

The problem is, aside from a few short-term gigs, he hasn't had a job for the last six years, when he left his office job to move with me for my career. I've done well. But although he has applied for all sorts of jobs -- sales, admin, medical, police, government, fast food -- no one has hired him.

Last year, he developed a heart condition, and he can no longer perform physical labor. He also suffers from depression. So, I've been paying for nearly everything. I'm lucky not to have credit card debt, but at age 32, I have no retirement savings. My job barely covers living expenses for us and our pets.

I want to progress in life and have an equal partner. We've discussed marriage, and I think he's "the one." But how long should I hold out hope of him finding a job? Do I just keep on hoping, or do I consider ending things and breaking both our hearts? -- BURDENED IN FLORIDA

DEAR BURDENED: Has it occurred to you that the reason the man you love has been unable to find employment all this time may be connected to his depression? It would benefit you both if he consulted a doctor and sought treatment for it. Free and low-cost counseling is available through the county, as well as through colleges and universities with departments of psychology. Please explore this before ending your relationship because it could be the solution to your problem.

DEAR ABBY: My sister has become very interested in Zen meditation. I'm afraid she has become obsessed with it. She spent a week at a special meditation workshop during which she said she meditated all day, every day to the point that her back hurt from sitting so much. She's now saying she wants to become a Zen priest, which necessitates spending three months at a Zen center meditating constantly.

My sister has a husband and two teenage daughters I think she's neglecting. She earned a master's degree in economics at a prestigious university but works only part time as a bookkeeper to allow more time for her Zen center.

How can I politely persuade her to focus on her family and career, and let Zen meditation be her hobby rather than the focus of her life? -- PRIORITIES IN THE WEST

DEAR PRIORITIES: Your sister is an adult, intelligent and capable of making her own decision about the path in life she chooses. Nowhere did you state that her husband and children disagree with it. I do not think your input on this subject, regardless of how "politely" you offer it, will be welcomed. Keep your opinion to yourself unless asked for it.