DEAR ABBY: I've been with the same guy for almost five years. I was madly in love with him the first three years, but after I had my daughter, things slowly changed. We haven't been intimate in a while. I had some female issues I wanted to take care of, plus I'm not physically attracted to him anymore. He makes little comments about it to make me feel bad. He doesn't want to discuss anything, so talking to him is impossible.

We broke up a few months ago but got back together. He moved all his stuff out, so now he makes me feel guilty, telling me he has nothing and our house doesn't feel like his anymore. By the way, he doesn't pay for rent or household expenses like groceries, etc. I pay for everything because he doesn't work. Yet I have to give him money for his gambling addiction.

I don't want to be with him anymore. But the last time we broke up, he was terribly verbally abusive, and I don't want to go through that again. What should I do? -- INDECISIVE IN ILLINOIS

DEAR INDECISIVE: Tell him you no longer want to be his sugar mama; he will have to find someone else to feed him and finance his gambling addiction. Do NOT do it while the two of you are alone. Make sure to have several friends or relatives with you for moral support and to help him collect whatever things he has at your place. If you do, it may curb his verbal abuse. After that, change the locks on your doors and do not admit him to the house again. If he forces his way in, summon the police. If you don't rid yourself of him, he will suck you dry.

DEAR ABBY: My in-laws live 90 minutes away, so when they visit, they usually stay with us for a night or two. I don't mind hosting them. They are delightful people, and we always have a good time. However, now that they're getting older, I'm wondering what the etiquette is for sleeping arrangements.

We don't have a guest bedroom, so they sleep on a pullout sofa with a pillow topper. While they've never mentioned it, I know it's not all that comfy, and I know they have some age-related aches and pains. When my grandparents stayed with us when I was a kid, they usually slept in my sister's double bed, and she slept on the floor in the room I shared with my other sister.

Would offering my in-laws my son's double bed be a good idea going forward? (Something about offering the master bedroom seems weird.) I'm fortunate to have great in-laws and would like to do right by them. It's just a night or two, after all. What would you recommend I do? -- COMFORT CREATURE IN NEW JERSEY

DEAR COMFORT CREATURE: Ask your in-laws whether they would be more comfortable if you changed their sleeping arrangements. If they say yes, have a chat with your son, explain the problem and tell him you want him to sleep on the pullout sofa bed when his grandparents are visiting.

DEAR ABBY: I recently hosted my husband's birthday. It was a great party. I reserved for 85 people, including the DJ, his assistant, the party planner and her crew. On the day of the event, 20% of the guests who RSVP'd did not show up. One couple said their two daughters had a debut party that night. Another family said their son had an outing. Others had legitimate reasons, like being sick or the house catching fire.

I gave my guests ample time to RSVP. I sent the save-the-date cards four months before, the invitation two months before and the deadline to RSVP two weeks before the event. I even extended the invitation to allow other adults and kids to come to the party. I was too generous. I think it's rude for the families who RSVP for a certain number of people to dismissively not show up because of another event, not considering that each head count means additional cost and planning for the meal, seating chart, etc.

How do I let them know I wish they would have told me ahead of time so I could have removed them and saved myself a few hundred dollars? Or should I even let them know? -- GENEROUS HOST IN TEXAS

DEAR HOST: If I thought a lecture to these boors would be effective, I would tell you to go ahead and do what you have in mind. However, a more effective and less confrontational way to save yourself a future headache would be to simply omit them from your guest list.

DEAR ABBY: My sister-in-law is a lovely woman -- generous, with a heart of gold. Her husband, my husband's brother, is a kind and gentle man who works hard to provide for his family. They do much for their community and seemingly have every moment of the day occupied with something.

But whenever I'm with my SIL, she never fails to whine about where her husband falls short. Sometimes, she does it in front of him. It's uncomfortable because I don't want him to think I agree with her. Almost always the problems are minuscule. Example: The house is never clean enough, or he's not doing X-Y-Z to help her. (To me, it looks like he does plenty.) She says she's always doing "everything herself."

I'm not one for confrontation and don't want to cause trouble in our relationship because I do enjoy her a lot, and I'm afraid of the repercussions of "going there." But enough is enough. It makes me dread one-on-one conversations or not want to interact because it is draining. How do I handle this? -- ZERO TOLERANCE

DEAR ZERO TOLERANCE: Ask your sister-in-law to please stop complaining, because when she does it makes you uncomfortable. After that, when she starts again, change the subject to something else -- cooking, gardening, even politics or religion if you think it will distract her. Good luck.

DEAR ABBY: A relative is getting married, and the RSVP date has passed. It was announced many months ago and was to be a big, formal church wedding, with eight or nine groomsmen and bridesmaids, a flower girl and ring bearer, followed by a reception.

On the last day of the RSVP deadline, the couple sent out a postcard stating: "Change of plans! After much consideration, we have decided to have a private wedding ceremony. Meet at the reception as planned."

I think it's extremely rude and presumptuous to be expected to travel a great distance at a hefty expense only to find out that guests are now excluded from the actual wedding. I'm trying to make sense of this awkward situation. Any advice? -- LEFT AT THE DOOR

DEAR LEFT: Yes, I do have a bit of advice for you. Because you are unhappy with the change of plans and find them to be "rude and presumptuous," send a congratulatory card to the happy couple that reads: "Change of plans: Sorry, we will be unable to attend your reception, but we wish you all the best!" (Their plans changed; so can yours.)

DEAR ABBY: Am I obligated to give people a free ride just because I am going to the same place or in the same direction? Too often people who barely speak to us suddenly remember we exist when they want something, especially if they or their child needs a ride somewhere.

Sometimes, they give lame excuses like, "Oh. I'm almost out of gas." Other times it's that they have chosen to do something else -- like go to a party -- instead of picking up their child. I don't mind helping occasionally, but it's to the point where I feel these people know they can do whatever else they wish because they know I'll pick up the slack. I'm tired of being the chauffeur. I don't want to make waves, but how can I say no? -- UNHAPPY DRIVER IN LOUISIANA

DEAR DRIVER: Here's how. The next time you feel imposed upon, speak up and just say NO, that it isn't convenient. Do not feel obligated to go into detail or lie about why not. If this makes waves, it means that your relationship with that person wasn't friendship, but transactional.

DEAR READERS: Happy St. Patrick's Day.

May you always have

A sunbeam to warm you

Good luck to charm you

And a sheltering angel

So nothing can harm you.

Laughter to cheer you

Faithful friends near you

And whenever you pray,

Heaven to hear you.

LOVE, ABBY