DEAR ABBY: Years ago, my spouse's friend "Valerie" invited us to lunch. I had never met her, but had previous contact with her through email. Valerie clearly did not like me. We sat over lunch for four hours, and during that time, although she sat across from me, she never looked at me, never spoke to me and never acknowledged my presence. It was humiliating and dehumanizing. Since we live in a different state, it was clear to me we would not be meeting again.

Well, Valerie has now renewed contact with my spouse through letters and emails, reestablishing old ties. I have asked her to not let Valerie back into our lives. I'm upset that she has accepted contact after how Valerie treated me. My spouse hasn't addressed Valerie's behavior, and at the time of the incident, I was asked to just let it go, which I did.

Now that Valerie has resurfaced, contacting only my spouse and addressing cards only to my spouse, it's clear the "game is on" once again. My spouse has not supported my feelings and refuses to acknowledge Valerie's rudeness during that luncheon visit.

I do not want to be friends with this person. My spouse has made clear she intends to remain in contact with this person and is not going to bring up "old dirt" with her. Am I wrong for asking her to forgo this friendship and not let this person back into our lives? -- UNACKNOWLEDGED IN OREGON

DEAR UNACKNOWLEDGED: No, you are not wrong. Ask your spouse why she is nurturing a relationship with Valerie and, if she would like to end your relationship, to please say so now because you feel threatened by what Valerie is doing. It's honest, and if your fears are true, it is better to know now.

DEAR ABBY: I've been seeing a man for about a year. For the most part, we get along fine. We spend a lot of time together, and he professes his love for me. His intentions are to be together forever, although there has not been a proposal. I think I could continue this relationship indefinitely.

There's just one thing: I'm not physically attracted to him. He is presentable and well-groomed, but it can't compensate for the fact that he is homely. I am, to put it plainly, a beautiful woman. I have always dated "in my league."

I am trying hard not to be shallow, but this bothers me greatly. Sometimes I'm just disgusted. I know we'll both age, but until then, he'll still be ugly. I do have feelings for him, so should I try harder to overlook his defects? -- TORN ABOUT HIM IN NEVADA

DEAR TORN: No! For both your sakes, please don't do that. The man you are writing about deserves someone who is more focused on inner qualities than you seem capable of. Forcing yourself to like him should not be necessary. Because this bothers you so much, do both of yourselves a favor and let him go.

DEAR ABBY: My best friend since the 9th grade and I have always watched NFL football on Sundays. We have watched through the births of my children (he is the godfather to both; they are now adults), deaths in the family -- everything. He has never married or had a significant other. He is very family-oriented, though. He has two sisters and two brothers.

Two years ago, his siblings moved to other states. It was a very sad time for him. The bond I thought would never be broken now has been. I completely understand his visiting them during Thanksgiving, Christmas and any special event, but my view is, besides those visits, he could see them at any time during the entire six-month offseason from football.

When I said this, he told me things have changed, and although he has been back both summers, he tells me it's cooler and more pleasant to visit them in autumn. Of course, I am the one who drives him to the airport every time. I truly miss my best friend on those Sundays. I'm hurt and would like your advice on what I can do. -- LONELY SPORTS FAN OUT WEST

DEAR SPORTS FAN: I understand your sadness and hurt feelings, but it's time to start accepting reality. Your friend has explained that his family circumstances have changed, and you must accept it. The changes in his circumstances have nothing to do with you and everything to do with his desire to stay connected to his siblings.

It's time to become proactive. Your next step should be to find another sports fan who can watch (or attend) these sporting events with you, which will help to fill the void that now exists on football Sundays.

DEAR ABBY: My friends of 20-plus years bought their "dream home," and they're now 90 miles away. They have not cleaned the place even once since they moved in. Ten years ago, I lived with the wife and her parents for six months. I quickly realized that she and her family never cleaned their home.

I understand she had an injury from an accident several years ago, but I have chronic pain from arthritis and still find a way to clean my apartment. Her husband was enabled by his mother for the first 35 years of his life, so he never learned to do anything except pay bills and save money.

The moment you walk into their home, you are hit with a smell. And forget using the bathroom -- the toilets have brown rings, and their shower is so cruddy I wait to return home to shower. I can hardly eat there because of the smell and the dirty tables and kitchen. Would it be awkward to send them a gift card for house cleaning? Also, how do I decline an overnighter? -- METICULOUS HOUSEGUEST

DEAR HOUSEGUEST: Why this couple hasn't thought of hiring a cleaning service is anybody's guess -- unless the husband is so intent on saving money that he's too cheap to spend it. By all means, send them the certificate, and after you do, postpone any return visits until you know it has been used.

DEAR ABBY: My wife and I have been teachers since 1999. We married in 2011. She became vegan in 2017. It helped her beat diabetes, which I love. However, she's pure vegan for animal rights and listens to vegan podcasts all day long after teaching and on the weekends. I mean all day, every day with earbuds in. I have to say, "Knock, Knock" to even talk with her.

Right now, she's listening to podcasts and messaging vegan people on social media and doesn't even realize I'm typing. I love my wife, but I can't escape the frustration of not being able to have a conversation with her about anything.

We have no kids together, but I raised her son from 7 years old. He moved to live with his dad because of her obsessions with work and veganism. I love her, but the fridge is filled with kale. Should I stay, or should I go? -- AFTERTHOUGHT IN OREGON

DEAR AFTERTHOUGHT: Tap your wife on the shoulder and ask her to remove her earbuds. When she does, give her an earful. Tell her you love her but you need a partner who is willing to be more of a companion than she has become. Tell her you shouldn't have to ask permission to talk to her because of her preoccupation (obsession) with her podcasts.

If you want food in the house that isn't vegan, go out and buy some. And if she's unwilling or unable to accept and adapt, try marriage counseling before calling a lawyer. The marriage you have described is not a happy one, or you wouldn't have written to me.

DEAR ABBY: I'm growing concerned for my grandparents. They are in their late 80s and homebound. Recently, a new tenant moved into their garage apartment. They LOVE her. The rest of the family is suspicious of her. She has no job and no car and has never paid rent. She frequently spends the day with my grandparents and recently "helped" them change all their usernames and passwords to something more "simple and easy."

My grandparents live on Social Security. They have no savings, and I don't believe they have a will. From my perspective, they are setting themselves up to be robbed, abused and left high and dry by a crook disguised as their friendly tenant.

Is this worthy of an Adult Protective Services investigation? My grandparents guilt the rest of the family by saying, "At least our tenant comes over often, unlike the rest of you." (I live three hours away). Do I need to mind my own business? They aren't suspicious at all. -- DUBIOUS IN TEXAS

DEAR DUBIOUS: An investigation is not an accusation. The relationship your lonely grandparents have with this tenant is unusual. Contact APS, inform them about what's going on with your grandparents and let someone there decide whether your concerns are worth following up on. Better to be safe than sorry.