DEAR ABBY: I am 34 and recently found out I have started menopause. I knew it might come early for me because most of the women in my family began in their 30s and were done by 50. I have no biological children and now probably never will. I guess I waited too long for the right time, the right person, etc. I was always careful to use birth control when I became sexually active and never left it up to my partner.

I am now having a hard time coping with this feeling of loss. I know I shouldn't be grieving something I never had, but I find myself tearing up thinking about it. I'm angry at myself for missing out on it. I have been married to a wonderful man for almost two years, but we have been together for 10. I wanted to be married and financially stable before having children.

I feel like I'm being punished. My poor husband takes the brunt of my frustrations and anger, which isn't fair, and I apologize when it happens, but I find myself slowly drifting into isolation because of it. I don't know what to do anymore. I'm sad, angry, frustrated and empty. I wish I had an answer or anyone who understands to just hear me. Any advice? -- GRIEVING IN OREGON

DEAR GRIEVING: Your feelings are understandable. It's time to seek counseling for help to stop blaming yourself or your husband and cope with your feelings of sadness, anger and frustration. Once that is done, it may be time to consider your options for fulfilling your maternal instincts. These include fostering, adoption, surrogacy and volunteer mentoring. Please consider them.

DEAR ABBY: Three years ago, I discovered I was being excluded by my co-workers. I have tried to not let it bother me, but it's starting to wear me down emotionally. I work in a dental office with a staff of seven women. I have worked with two of them for almost 20 years, and I always thought we had a friendship because we would go to lunch together and occasionally do things outside of work.

Three years ago, I learned they have a group chat with two of the other women and have gotten together outside of work and didn't include me. What bothers me most is they laugh and talk in front of me about the funny memes and videos they send each other.

I'm tired of being excluded, and I don't understand why they have done it. We all get along, so I'm not sure why this is happening. Any advice on what I should say or do? -- APART IN ILLINOIS

DEAR APART: Folks are entitled to socialize (or not) with anyone they would like after work. However, to treat you the way they have been seems insensitive, bordering on rude, and you have every right to say so the next time it happens. It may lead to a "difficult" discussion, but you have a right to tell them how it affects you. Do not depend upon your co-workers to be personal friends, which may not be possible. I encourage you to cultivate social relationships outside the office from now on.

DEAR ABBY: Years ago, my spouse's friend "Valerie" invited us to lunch. I had never met her, but had previous contact with her through email. Valerie clearly did not like me. We sat over lunch for four hours, and during that time, although she sat across from me, she never looked at me, never spoke to me and never acknowledged my presence. It was humiliating and dehumanizing. Since we live in a different state, it was clear to me we would not be meeting again.

Well, Valerie has now renewed contact with my spouse through letters and emails, reestablishing old ties. I have asked her to not let Valerie back into our lives. I'm upset that she has accepted contact after how Valerie treated me. My spouse hasn't addressed Valerie's behavior, and at the time of the incident, I was asked to just let it go, which I did.

Now that Valerie has resurfaced, contacting only my spouse and addressing cards only to my spouse, it's clear the "game is on" once again. My spouse has not supported my feelings and refuses to acknowledge Valerie's rudeness during that luncheon visit.

I do not want to be friends with this person. My spouse has made clear she intends to remain in contact with this person and is not going to bring up "old dirt" with her. Am I wrong for asking her to forgo this friendship and not let this person back into our lives? -- UNACKNOWLEDGED IN OREGON

DEAR UNACKNOWLEDGED: No, you are not wrong. Ask your spouse why she is nurturing a relationship with Valerie and, if she would like to end your relationship, to please say so now because you feel threatened by what Valerie is doing. It's honest, and if your fears are true, it is better to know now.

DEAR ABBY: I've been seeing a man for about a year. For the most part, we get along fine. We spend a lot of time together, and he professes his love for me. His intentions are to be together forever, although there has not been a proposal. I think I could continue this relationship indefinitely.

There's just one thing: I'm not physically attracted to him. He is presentable and well-groomed, but it can't compensate for the fact that he is homely. I am, to put it plainly, a beautiful woman. I have always dated "in my league."

I am trying hard not to be shallow, but this bothers me greatly. Sometimes I'm just disgusted. I know we'll both age, but until then, he'll still be ugly. I do have feelings for him, so should I try harder to overlook his defects? -- TORN ABOUT HIM IN NEVADA

DEAR TORN: No! For both your sakes, please don't do that. The man you are writing about deserves someone who is more focused on inner qualities than you seem capable of. Forcing yourself to like him should not be necessary. Because this bothers you so much, do both of yourselves a favor and let him go.

DEAR ABBY: My best friend since the 9th grade and I have always watched NFL football on Sundays. We have watched through the births of my children (he is the godfather to both; they are now adults), deaths in the family -- everything. He has never married or had a significant other. He is very family-oriented, though. He has two sisters and two brothers.

Two years ago, his siblings moved to other states. It was a very sad time for him. The bond I thought would never be broken now has been. I completely understand his visiting them during Thanksgiving, Christmas and any special event, but my view is, besides those visits, he could see them at any time during the entire six-month offseason from football.

When I said this, he told me things have changed, and although he has been back both summers, he tells me it's cooler and more pleasant to visit them in autumn. Of course, I am the one who drives him to the airport every time. I truly miss my best friend on those Sundays. I'm hurt and would like your advice on what I can do. -- LONELY SPORTS FAN OUT WEST

DEAR SPORTS FAN: I understand your sadness and hurt feelings, but it's time to start accepting reality. Your friend has explained that his family circumstances have changed, and you must accept it. The changes in his circumstances have nothing to do with you and everything to do with his desire to stay connected to his siblings.

It's time to become proactive. Your next step should be to find another sports fan who can watch (or attend) these sporting events with you, which will help to fill the void that now exists on football Sundays.

DEAR ABBY: My friends of 20-plus years bought their "dream home," and they're now 90 miles away. They have not cleaned the place even once since they moved in. Ten years ago, I lived with the wife and her parents for six months. I quickly realized that she and her family never cleaned their home.

I understand she had an injury from an accident several years ago, but I have chronic pain from arthritis and still find a way to clean my apartment. Her husband was enabled by his mother for the first 35 years of his life, so he never learned to do anything except pay bills and save money.

The moment you walk into their home, you are hit with a smell. And forget using the bathroom -- the toilets have brown rings, and their shower is so cruddy I wait to return home to shower. I can hardly eat there because of the smell and the dirty tables and kitchen. Would it be awkward to send them a gift card for house cleaning? Also, how do I decline an overnighter? -- METICULOUS HOUSEGUEST

DEAR HOUSEGUEST: Why this couple hasn't thought of hiring a cleaning service is anybody's guess -- unless the husband is so intent on saving money that he's too cheap to spend it. By all means, send them the certificate, and after you do, postpone any return visits until you know it has been used.