DEAR ABBY: I have had a falling out with my sister over her 13-year-old son, my nephew. He is generally a happy child, with everything a boy could want in moderation. My sister is separated from his father. She has primary custody, but they do have a co-parenting relationship.

My nephew respects and obeys his father, but he treats my sister like crap. He yells at her and his grandmother, constantly talks back, etc. When he tried it on me, I put him in his place with some choice words. My sister took offense, and we argued over it. I think he needs clear consequences for disrespecting adults. Instead, my sister makes excuses for why he behaves this way -- "He didn't sleep well last night. He's upset about X-Y-Z," etc.

I know I'm armchair parenting, but I cannot stand to see this child yell at my sister or elderly mother, and I will not tolerate that behavior toward me. We end up arguing every time I try to talk to her about it. I have stopped spending time with them because of it. Advice, please. -- OLD-SCHOOL AUNTIE

DEAR AUNTIE: Your nephew may act out because he is entering his turbulent teens, and this is a phase. It could also be that his mother has yet to make him suffer the consequences for his disrespectful behavior toward you and his grandmother.

Since your sister and her ex are co-parenting, they should both be talking to their son about "respect." His grandmother also has a tongue, and she shouldn't tolerate her grandson's bad behavior, either. Personally, I would handle it by avoiding the kid until he straightens up, which may take forever.

DEAR ABBY: A dear friend of 12 years recently lost her beloved dog (who she called her third child) to old age. She chose to put the dog down because of health problems and has been racked with guilt ever since.

I lost my 19-year-old son 10 years ago to suicide. This has been the worst decade of my life, and I grieve for him every day. My friend has been equating the death of her pet to the death of my son, which has caused a major rift in our relationship. It is not only insulting but also beyond hurtful to me to hear that the passing of a pet is as painful and tragic as the loss of my son.

I have told her time and time again there is no comparing the loss of a human child to the loss of a canine "child," yet she continues to disagree. How should I deal with her and this situation? Your advice would be greatly appreciated. -- GRIEVING MOM IN THE SOUTH

DEAR GRIEVING MOM: I will cut your friend some slack because she's in pain right now, but she's deluded. The pain of sending a beloved pet across the Rainbow Bridge and that of losing a child are not comparable, and for her to have said it -- not only once but to harp on it -- is ridiculous. The best way to deal with this woman would be to distance yourself until she regains some perspective.

DEAR ABBY: My wife and I are in our 80s, married for 61 years. We are financially well-off and have few medical issues. As we approach our departure from this Earth, we've created the necessary legal documents to distribute our assets. So, what's the problem? My spouse is a "collector." We have several wonderful china settings, sterling silver and beautiful linens. At one time, we set a beautiful table.

Today, old age has caught up with us. Most of those invitees are gone. But my spouse and I are living like we did 50 years ago, and it's getting on my nerves. Nobody wants our stuff! It's time to divest ourselves of possessions that somebody else might have an interest in and get them off our hands. My spouse refuses to part with anything. There's always an excuse to keep the clutter.

I saw this in my parents decades ago. If it came in the front door, it didn't go out again. Why are people so addicted to things, and what can be done to alleviate my anxiety? -- READY TO LET GO IN SAN FRANCISCO

DEAR READY: Consider this: Every piece of china and crystal, every pattern of silverware and all the accessories that people used to think were necessary to create a beautiful home (and life), have treasured memories attached. Where you see clutter, your wife sees the happy years spent acquiring it and entertaining.

Because these items are no longer being used, they could be boxed up "just in case" they are needed again. Photograph them so you have a record of what they are, and discuss with your wife possibly donating them to a charity thrift store. While you are correct that young people today aren't as avid about formal entertaining as members of your generation were, there are still people around who recognize quality and value who might be interested in having some of it.

As to your anxiety, discuss this with your doctor and, if necessary, ask for a referral to a therapist for some counseling.

DEAR ABBY: I have a wonderful, intelligent 19-year-old daughter. She's a junior in college in another city. She has always been extremely thin. We have taken her to doctors to address this. They discovered a vitamin deficiency and suggested she eat more nutritious foods with vitamins prescribed.

My question is, is it OK to push foods on her after her barely eaten meals? She gets full immediately and doesn't always take her vitamins. I don't want her to distance herself from me by insisting she eat more. -- MOTHERING MOTHER IN TEXAS

DEAR MOTHER: I do not recommend that you "push" foods on your daughter. If you do, it may cause her to rebel. I do, however, think it might be a good idea for you to do some research about eating disorders, because your daughter may have one.

DEAR ABBY: My best friend of 40 years, "Savannah," has been in a bad marriage for 20 of those. Her husband has cheated on her repeatedly. He can't keep a job, and he emotionally abuses her and her daughter. Now that she's finally fed up, he refuses to leave the house.

Despite how bad his behavior has been, Savannah is doing nothing to move the divorce forward. She continues paying for his travel and includes him in family get-togethers in what she calls a "sacrifice," made at her daughter's request.

It has been incredibly difficult to be supportive, hear about how harmful this has been, support her when she says she's getting out, and then hear that for one reason or another he's still there. When I challenge her and suggest she's making excuses for not progressing with the divorce, she becomes defensive and shuts down the conversation.

Over the last two years, she has taken to calling me twice a day, and becomes frustrated if I don't answer. I have asked her to stop telling me stories about her husband's behavior -- which usually lasts a week or two. I am at my wits' end about how to be a good friend without taking on the stress of her horrible situation and feeling generally overwhelmed by her outreach. What can I do to help her, but also prevent our friendship from imploding? -- WEARY FRIEND IN MICHIGAN

DEAR WEARY FRIEND: What you may need to do is accept that one of the reasons Savannah's dysfunctional marriage has lasted as long as it has is because she wants it to. She doesn't need to move forward because she has you to dump on when the pressure becomes too great.

It may be time to stop focusing on what you can do to help Savannah and concentrate on what you need to do to help yourself. If that means stepping back and letting her find solutions to her problems without your help, don't feel guilty for doing it.

DEAR ABBY: For years, a group of us former co-workers has been going out to dinner once a month. My daughter is part of the group and is also the youngest. Lately, she has been dismissed and ignored by two members of our group (there are six of us).

Being her mother, I am hurt by how they have treated her. She has stopped going out with us, but I'm uncertain if I should also stop. They have been nothing but nice to me. I'm lost on what to do anymore -- to go, or not to go? -- HURT IN THE MIDWEST

DEAR HURT: Have you asked these two former co-workers why they made your daughter feel unwelcome? Their behavior was rude. Have you asked the two who were welcoming what they think about all of this? Perhaps you (and your daughter) would feel more comfortable socializing with only them. That said, I do not think you should drop out of the group if you enjoy their company.