DEAR ABBY: My sister is cheap. She's also not good at choosing gifts for people. Often, the things she gives are worse than if she'd done nothing at all. An example: She was just here visiting and brought my 4-year-old a toy car she'd picked up at a garage sale (fine, so far), but one of the wheels was broken off. She had the wheel in her purse and said something about gluing it back on, but never did. Once she left, we tried to glue it, but it turned out the toy wasn't fixable, and my son was very disappointed.

This isn't the first time this has happened. There's a history of clothes that are too small, ripped or dirty, toys sent so late the child has long outgrown that stage, etc. It's not a matter of money. She's the director of a large law school, so she can buy anything she likes. It is a matter of attention.

I've spoken to her several times about not bringing gifts anymore, but she glosses over the disappointment and says she loves seeing kids open the things she brings. Someday, my kids will be old enough to see her behavior as quirky, but for now I want it to stop. Am I right? -- GIFT RIFT IN THE WEST

DEAR GIFT RIFT: You are not wrong. Your sister appears to be "a little off-center." I agree with you that one day in the not-too-distant future, your children will be discerning enough to notice the "gifts" your sister brings are soiled or broken and selected without regard to their interests or taste. A way to avoid the problem would be not to invite her to visit around birthday or holiday time, or intercept her inappropriate gifts before the kids see them.

DEAR ABBY: Last year, we renovated our house. We now have a south-facing roof that is ready for the installation of solar panels. Our utility company has an incentive program to lower the cost of the equipment, but it ends in six months.

The only thing holding us back is the next-door neighbors' old, tall tree that shades our roof where the panels would go. The tree is cracked and has been coming down in sections over the last several years. Previous owners of the house had to repair their front windows and gutter after a large branch came crashing down in a storm.

The current owners are a young couple with a small baby. We have had occasional, friendly driveway conversations but don't really know them. Would it be presumptuous to ask if they would be willing to let us pay to have their tree removed? People can be prickly about their property. But maybe they wouldn't mind someone else covering what is probably an inevitable cost.

We want to continue having a friendly relationship, while also moving forward with our project. Thoughts? -- UPGRADING IN NORTH CAROLINA

DEAR UPGRADING: Because you have a cordial relationship with these neighbors, it shouldn't be offensive to point out that their tree presents a problem. When you do, tell them that a falling branch had damaged their front windows and gutter, which caused an expensive repair. Explain that the cracks in the tree could present a danger to their little one, then volunteer that you are more than willing to pay the cost of having it removed.

DEAR ABBY: My relationship with my mother-in-law has been rocky for the nine years I've been married to her daughter. She has been very hurtful at times, saying things like, "You're not welcome [in her house]." She has never accepted me.

She was recently unable to stay within the boundaries my wife and I set with her when she visited us. We had asked her to keep it light and just enjoy lunch together, but she started telling us my wife should apologize to her niece over a trivial misunderstanding. When I asked her to leave, she started crying and said, "I'm so disappointed that my first-born married such an awful human being." Advice? -- DISRESPECTED IN RHODE ISLAND

DEAR DISRESPECTED: Clearly, you do not like your mother-in-law, and the feelings are mutual. She was wrong to cross the boundary by criticizing your wife during that lunch, but you may have overstepped by ordering her to leave. Depending upon how close a relationship your wife would like to have with her mother, some sessions with a licensed family therapist may be in order if the three of you are willing.

DEAR ABBY: When I was invited to see the birth of my great-grandchild, I said yes. I was told if my granddaughter didn't give birth by the 14th of the month at the latest, the doctor would induce on that day. I forgot it could happen on any day. I went out of town on Friday the 11th, which is when my granddaughter called to let me know she was on her way to the hospital.

I missed the birth of my great-granddaughter! I know it's my fault, and I am heartbroken because I can never get that back. Also, my granddaughter is no longer speaking to me. I've tried calling her, but she won't answer. I feel so horribly sad, like I've made the mistake of a lifetime. Please advise. -- TRIPPED UP IN COLORADO

DEAR TRIPPED UP: While your absence at your great-grandchild's birth was unfortunate, it is not the mistake of a lifetime. You are human, and human beings make mistakes. That your granddaughter won't speak to you is regrettable, but hopefully she'll mellow after she receives your large bouquet of flowers and abject letter of apology.

DEAR ABBY: My son-in-law says I am lazy and antisocial because I use the drive-up grocery option. I told him that when I use the drive-up, I do less impulse buying and save time and money. Am I wrong? -- INSULTED IN WISCONSIN

DEAR INSULTED: Of course you are not wrong. What you are doing works for you, and you shouldn't be criticized for it. Ask yourself why your passive-aggressive son-in-law feels the need to put you down. Is there something else going on in your relationship with him ... or in his head?

DEAR ABBY: I have a group of wonderful women friends I have known for decades. We get together monthly for dinner and drinks at a local restaurant. The location is generally left up to whoever has a birthday that month, and usually varies among three choices.

Occasionally, I bow out if they choose a restaurant that caters to a local creep. This man, "Bob," has never been charged with an offense, but I was one of his victims 20 years ago, weeks after my first husband's death. Bob broke into my home and stole items from my husband's office. I was there at the time, and he came into my bedroom while I was dressing. I screamed at him, and he responded that I hadn't heard him knocking at the door and "he wanted to make sure I was all right."

I have no ties to Bob, but my friends do. All of them are aware of his actions and reputation. So is the owner of his nightly hangout, but Bob is a jolly bar guy and buys drinks, so everyone (except me) is OK with it. I get PTSD at the thought of attending one of our dinners when this particular establishment is chosen, so I usually skip those nights.

A few of the women in my friend's group have told me I need to just "get over it," but I can't. Any advice on how to handle this? -- VICTIM IN WISCONSIN

DEAR VICTIM: I am sorry for what happened that day. Although Bob didn't touch you, the terror was real. I do have a couple of suggestions regarding how to handle this. The first is to continue refusing to attend birthday celebrations that might expose you to the man who broke into your home. (Did you file a police report?) Also, think twice about how "wonderful" a woman friend is who would choose that restaurant for her party. If your PTSD continues, consider consulting a licensed mental health professional who specializes in it.

DEAR ABBY: I've been engaged three times, and each time something happened and caused the engagements to be broken. I'm 38 now. I'm not sure if marriage is ever going to happen, but it's something I have looked forward to and is a dream of mine. However, the more I think about it and how things are these days, I can't help but wonder if it will ever happen for me. What do you think I should do -- keep hoping, or put marriage on the back burner? -- HOPING AGAINST HOPE IN INDIANA

DEAR HOPING: Sit down and ask yourself what went wrong with each of your engagements so it won't be repeated. Then begin plotting out a different life for yourself, an interesting one filled with activities, adventures and the pursuit of subjects that interest you. This can become your gratifying reality. If you do, it will expose you to people you might not otherwise meet. Of course you can keep "hoping" for marriage, but your chances of finding what you're looking for will be better if you become more active than if you preoccupy yourself with this "dream."