DEAR ABBY: My wife and I stopped having sexual relations eight years ago. She keeps our two grandchildren 11 to 12 hours a day, five (and sometimes six) days a week. (That's 60 to 70 hours.) By the time they're picked up, she's irritated, agitated, frustrated and wants to be left alone. She doesn't want to talk or spend any time with me. She can't see that keeping the grandkids that much has interfered with our relationship with each other.

We are about to separate because I don't want to live my last few years with someone I can't hold or kiss and who doesn't want to hold or kiss me because she's so irritated and frustrated by the time the kids leave. She doesn't want to be bothered. She just sits in her recliner and goes to sleep.

There's plenty of love, loyalty and trust between us, but after eight years of no intimacy, I think I have waited long enough. I have tried talking to her about it many times. She says she has lost her desire, but she can't see the reason is because she's having that same bad day, every day. Any advice before I finalize this? -- HAD IT IN ALABAMA

DEAR HAD IT: I am glad you wrote. There may be more than one reason your wife's energy and sex drive have disappeared. You state that there is plenty of love, loyalty and trust between you. Please suggest to her that she consult her doctor and ask to have her hormone levels checked.

I can't help wondering how old your grandchildren are and why she is expected to take care of them for 11 to 12 hours a day. It may simply be too much for her. However, a thyroid issue or a decrease in estrogen may also be contributing to her exhaustion. If that's the case, there are medical solutions available if your wife is willing to explore them.

Your marriage is worth fighting for, and I hope your wife will see the wisdom before she or your relationship collapses under the weight of the responsibility she has taken on.

DEAR ABBY: I am a 74-year-old woman who has no surviving immediate family. I have two cousins who are still living. One of them is my age and, to this day, may not know he was adopted as a baby. I discovered it when I was very young and snooped through my mother's nightstand drawer. I mentioned it to my aunt (his adoptive mother) 30 years ago, and she made me promise not to ever tell him. Is it best to let him live his entire life not knowing, or should I somehow bring it up to him? -- COUSIN WHO WANTS THE BEST FOR HIM

DEAR COUSIN: I will assume that both of your cousin's parents are deceased. How do you think he will feel when you announce that his entire life has been a lie? Do you think he will be warmly greeted and accepted by siblings who never knew he existed? I know you are eager to tell him the truth, but "the truth" is that his parents are the people who raised him. At this late date, I think it would be better to keep the promise you gave to your aunt rather than disrupt your cousin's life.

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I are retired and happy. Each of us was married before. We're not rich, but we get by without help from anyone. We have been blessed with a big family. Between us, we have six children, 15 grandchildren and a great grandchild. This does not include the in-laws, because quite a few of these offspring are now married.

I am bothered by the sense of entitlement that seems to run rampant in this group. We never receive a "thank you" for anything we do for some of them, whether it's a birthday, graduation, shower gift, wedding, or an acknowledgement for a funeral. Most of them are old enough to have better manners than that, but it doesn't seem to matter.

I have bitten my tongue on more than one occasion. When we tried to stop sending gifts, we were called out on it by the two worst offenders. We don't want to give because "we have to." We want to give because we want to. And while we may want to give, we don't want to feel underappreciated either. Any advice? -- UNAPPRECIATED IN INDIANA

DEAR UNAPPRECIATED: Just this. Feel free to unburden yourselves to the worst offenders. Tell them in plain English that when a gift goes unacknowledged, it makes the giver feel the gesture is unappreciated, and you don't like feeling that way. Make it clear that if they cannot summon up the energy to practice basic good manners, you will find another way to spend your money. I cannot make your relatives change, but if you do this, you may be able to wake them up.

DEAR ABBY: My husband of 20-plus years received a Facebook message from an old high school girlfriend. The message was wildly inappropriate (extremely risque) and ended with her offering to fly out and "meet up" if he ever wanted to. When my husband saw the message, he read it to me and to his best friend, who happened to be in town visiting. Those two guys were laughing so hard they were crying. They thought it was the funniest thing ever, while I was thinking she has a lot of nerve.

My husband wrote back and declined her proposition. But later that night, I was doing some internet sleuthing. (Who wouldn't?) Abby, she is a marriage counselor! Her message went from being a former flame's cliche message to repulsive on so many levels. She of all people should know better. I'm itching to give her a piece of my mind. What do you think? -- PERPLEXED IN PORTLAND, ORE.

DEAR PERPLEXED: IF you really feel inclined to contact your husband's old girlfriend, choose your words carefully. Tell her that when your husband received her message, he read it to you and his best friend, who happened to be in town visiting, and although the two of them were howling with laughter, you didn't find it funny. Then close by saying you are disappointed that someone who is in a helping profession would stoop that low. (Mic drop.)

DEAR ABBY: We have a mutual friend who's very dear to us. He's a kind-hearted and generous disabled vet who's too proud to ask for help. Unfortunately, due to his ill health and physical limitations, his home is unkempt. He lives among piles of dusty trash, empty cartons, unfinished projects, dirty clothes and even animal messes. It smells very unpleasant, especially in the heat.

The last time I visited, I sat down in what I thought was a "safe" clear spot and came away smelling of cat urine. Despite our repeated offers, he declines our help to clean up. Unfortunately, it's so bad that people no longer want to visit his home.

He recently volunteered to host a traditional holiday gathering for our group of friends, but if he does, I'm afraid no one will show. (I'm hesitant to eat anything prepared there anyway, and so are others.) We've discussed moving the event, but we're afraid it would hurt his feelings, since he really enjoys hosting. Plus, what would we say?

Renting a small hall was our first thought, but he's insistent and excited for the company. Your advice on how to approach this delicate situation would be appreciated. -- IN A TOUGH SPOT IN MICHIGAN

DEAR TOUGH SPOT: Your friend appears to be a hoarder. He may enjoy hosting and want company, but it isn't going to happen if people are afraid to go to his home and consume anything because of the filth and the odor. The person closest to him has to explain to him that although you all love him, his party would be better attended if the celebration was held off-site. He needs to understand why others are staying away, and he may need physical and psychological help to improve his situation.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a young gay man with a problem. I met a cute guy, "Mark," with a sweet personality, and the sex has been awesome. We spent two consecutive nights together in a hotel, but two days later he went to church, and he's now convinced that being gay is wrong. Mark still rubs my foot with his under the table while we eat and kisses me on the lips. He tells me he loves me very much, but now I'm getting mixed signals. At night on our dating app, Mark sends nudes of himself, even though he says gay sex is wrong. What should I do? -- MIXED SIGNALS IN GEORGIA

DEAR MIXED SIGNALS: Mark is conflicted about being gay because the church he attends made him feel guilty about it. Talk with him and suggest that you feel he could benefit from counseling to help him become more comfortable about who he is. There are three LGBTQ community centers located in Atlanta. If Mark is unwilling, please understand it could be a long journey for him toward self-acceptance. If you are not prepared to wait, you should move on.