DEAR MISS MANNERS: The demise of the formal occasion is a real tragedy. I used to keep three tuxedos "warm." Now I eagerly await the next chance.

However, many men protest because they are embarrassed by their inability to tie a bow tie and repelled by the option to use a clip-on. These protesting fellows miss the major advantage of any formal occasion, that of being in the presence of lots of beautifully turned-out women in attractive gowns of a seemingly infinite variety.

GENTLE READER: If these poor gentlemen can't tie a simple bow, who ties their shoelaces for them?

Never mind. Miss Manners believes it would be more helpful to inform such gentlemen what delicious intimacy they could foster by looking helpless and asking one of those beautifully turned-out ladies for assistance.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am a member of a quasi-military organization. At the end of the year, we will have a traditional military banquet, and I plan to wear gloves, as I have at other past formals.

During the dinner portion, will I be expected to remove my gloves? I have been told that the men are to remove the gloves, but no one can tell me if the same is expected of the ladies.

GENTLE READER: Yes, indeed. The rule against eating or drinking while wearing gloves applies to everyone, Miss Manners assures you. Ladies would look just as yucky in food-stained gloves as gentlemen.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My boyfriend bought me a bracelet as a gift. A year later, we exchanged the bracelet at the jewelry store for an engagement ring.

Unfortunately I am not going through with the wedding. My question is, should I return the ring or is it considered a gift because it was originally a bracelet?

GENTLE READER: Nice try, but you considered it an engagement ring when you were engaged, and it has not suddenly turned back into a bracelet.

Miss Manners can only offer you the comfort that any serious jewelry given with the expectation of marriage should be returned, so you would have been returning that, anyway. She is delicately skipping over the fact that the bracelet was given before your engagement because a lady should not be accepting serious jewelry from a mere boyfriend.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: What is proper when an invitation arrives with the words "no gifts, please" on it?

Some of my friends insist that a gift should be given anyway, and some say that a group gift is all right. One said that if a gift is given, it should be sent, not brought to the party. Do people put "no gifts" on an invitation as a sign of modesty? What should I do? I have received several invitations like this lately.

GENTLE READER: "No gifts" -- what could be more plainly stated? Miss Manners wants to believe that people put this on invitations to relieve their guests of a presumed obligation.

She has had to oppose this, while commending the intention, because one is not supposed to be thinking of one's guests in terms of presents, not even to discourage them.

But since no one seems to get it -- some thinking as you suggest, others presuming that it means that only cash donations are acceptable -- it is useless, anyway.

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DEAR MISS MANNERS: I did not send Christmas cards in December; however, I purchased New Year's cards, which I have not sent as of yet. When is it too late to send friends New Year's Cards?

GENTLE READER: When your friends start remembering to date their checks with the correct year or are busy addressing Valentines, whichever comes first.

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DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am sorry for never saying "thank you" to my family and want to apologize, but I am not sure how to go about doing it.

You see, as a child my mother would always force my siblings and me to write thank-you notes to family after receiving birthday and Christmas gifts. We were taught that it was the right thing to do.

However, once I hit my preteen and into my teenage and college years, I became lazy and stopped sending thank you letters. Even after I received a plethora of wonderful gifts for my high school and college graduation.

Of course, I was too old for mother to make me do it, so I just didn't. Soon, the gifts stopped coming, and I don't blame my family for doing so. It's not that I want them to start sending gifts again, but now that I'm older and wiser, I am regretful. I want my family to know that I am sorry and that I truly appreciated everything they did for me.

How do I apologize? In a phone call? A letter? Or is too late?

GENTLE READER: At the moment, it is too early. Years late, but just a mite too early. You wouldn't want your letters (yes, you are back to being told to write letters) to make the recipients think that you were sitting around at Christmas time thinking, "Hey, where's all the stuff?" and writing to encourage it.

But you can get started on writing now, you will be happy to hear, because New Year's will do. It even provides plausibility to the notion that you are reflecting rather than collecting.

Your letter should begin something like this, with no -- repeat: no -- mention of presents:

"I've been thinking back over my past, and I remember all the kind things you have done for me over the years. I don't think I have ever properly thanked you, but I want you to know how much I appreciate your thoughtfulness nevertheless."

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Recently, my husband and I have fallen upon hard times and have been blessed enough to have considerate friends and family. We have been showered with no-strings-attached gifts of clothing, food and even money.

Now, my mother has always taught me that when someone gives you a gift, the least you can do is to buy thank-you cards to fill out fully with a hand written thank you on the inside.

My dilemma stems from the fact that it doesn't seem right to use the much-needed money (even though cards cost so little) that was gifted us for our needs to buy the cards. I have thought of using our printer and card stock that we have on hand to make my own, simple, cards myself, but still feel this is not appropriate, especially since I don't have the proper envelopes for said cards and would end up also making those myself.

GENTLE READER: You are in luck. Miss Manners assures you that a hand-written and hand-made is not just acceptable, but more gracious than anything you can buy. Paper with a printed "Thank You," whether bought or from your own printer, looks more like a receipt than a real letter with all the words written in your own hand.

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