DEAR MISS MANNERS: My best friend emailed this Christmas wish list on behalf of her 12-year-old daughter to her friends (no family members):

"Greetings all. Zoe has asked me to email you her Christmas list. We're going to my parents'/grandmother's for Christmas, so if you need the address to ship anything there, please let me know."

The list included a particular laptop, (flat screen) TV and DVD player, money/credit gift card, certain video games, a new bike ("she outgrew her old one"), gift cards (naming a number of stores), a tablet and so on.

Then, "Look forward to talking to you all soon."

Am I wrong for feeling accosted? She is constantly sending out appeals for money or gifts. I wouldn't have minded a wish list that was actually reasonable, but my friend constantly makes remarks like, "You don't have any children, so you should have plenty of disposable income."

How do I respond? Normally, I would ignore it, but I feel like this is just too egregious and something needs to be said because her emails/requests become more outrageous with each round.

GENTLE READER: Once you have said that you wouldn't have minded a more modest list, Miss Manners notes that you have conceded that you do not object to this family's dunning you. Once you accept the principle that they can help you dispose of your disposable income, you are just haggling over the price.

If such is the case, you need only ask your friend for other suggestions, in the hope that a reasonable one will slip in. But if you are as appalled as Miss Manners is at the very idea of begging for luxuries, the best rebuke is to ignore the email.

As your friend is not shy, the talking she threatens may be a demand to know why. You could tell her that you assumed that it was intended for those who had said that they planned to buy Zoe a present and had asked for suggestions.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My boyfriend and I are planning on going long distance. He is currently away on vacation, but I noticed he is very distant and doesn't answer my emails even when he does get them and read them.

I'm feeling very lonely and don't think we should continue with the relationship. I feel that this is what a long-distance relationship will be with him. I want to break up, but Christmas is coming and he is not returning until the 20th. I don't know if breaking up with him then is too cruel. Should I wait until after Christmas or should I do it before?

GENTLE READER: What if he comes back excited to see you, bemoans the unreliability of email and hints at the wonderful Christmas present he got you?

Miss Manners is just checking whether yours is a momentary pique, or a sign that you really want out.

In either case, you should lead up to it immediately, by saying that the separation made you realize that the long-distance plan will not work for you. Should he convince you otherwise, you may both still have a pleasant Christmas. If not, you will have saved you both from exchanging and then returning presents.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My children occasionally have friends to our home to play, and one of them is exceptionally rude to adults.

When our children behave rudely, we respond with, "Could you make that a polite request, please?" or "That was unacceptable. Please try again." But what do we say to the visiting child who does not belong to us?

My husband doesn't want the child in our home again. I would like to find an acceptable way to handle the situation as the adult in charge. What would you do?

GENTLE READER: If she were the adult in charge of everything, Miss Manners would give misbehaving children The Look and they would instantly shape up. But she recognizes that for anyone else, it is tricky to discipline someone else's child (and never acceptable in front of the parent).

However, your house, your rules. You could give this child's upbringing the benefit of the doubt by saying, "I'm sure that your parents wouldn't allow you to talk to them that way." But if the child assures you that indeed they would, "Well, we don't allow Jackson to, so perhaps you can help us in setting a good example."

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have a friend who leaves her voicemail box full so you cannot leave messages. I mentioned this to her in a casual way, and her response was, "If it's important, I figure they'll call back."

I think what she's saying is her time is more valuable than others. I find this really annoying. What can I say without totally alienating her?

GENTLE READER: "Call me when you have a moment."

DEAR MISS MANNERS: For more than 30 years, I have hosted a holiday party at my home and tried my best to make it as sophisticated and gracious as I know how. We start at the civilized hour of 8 p.m., I stand at the door in formal attire to greet my guests, and I provide a full-service bar and expansive holiday buffet dinner. My guest list includes acquaintances from across the state, as well as many political figures.

Although I have tried to provide a memorable holiday experience, I am sorry to say that only one or two of my closer neighbors have reciprocated with as much as a cup of coffee. Would I be uncouth to trim my guest list to those with whom I share a closer relationship?

GENTLE READER: The unfortunate thing about annual holiday parties is that many guests come to think of them as a sort of public entertainment. It is better than going down to see the New Year's ball drop, they figure, because it comes with free drinks.

Thus they believe that the usual guest obligations -- answering promptly, showing up and reciprocating -- do not apply. Alas, some people behave this way all the time.

Why should you keep entertaining these people? If they were really eager to see you, you would have heard from them during the year. Miss Manners advises such mistreated hosts to skip a year now and then. Or switch holidays. That is the easy way to throw people off. Should anyone be so rude as to complain about not being invited, you can say, "Oh, we're not doing our regular party this year."

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I fly frequently on business and, as often as possible, book a seat in the exit row for the additional room needed to work while in flight.

On two recent flights, I boarded the aircraft to find another passenger in my seat who asked if I would "mind changing seats" so a couple or family could sit together. Even though the seats proffered in exchange had less space and inhibited my ability to use the time to its best advantage, I acquiesced on both occasions.

While I am somewhat troubled by their presumption in occupying the seat first and asking later, I am more troubled by my own inability to come up with a polite way to refuse their requests. Can you assist, please?

GENTLE READER: Yes, but you must promise Miss Manners not to amend her answer with excuses about needing to get work done. Surely you do not want to suggest that your work is more important than their family -- at least not to parents who are already frazzled by traveling with children.

The polite way to refuse is to say, "I'm so sorry, but I would prefer to keep my assigned seat." Although the flyer should not have first occupied your seat, it was not impolite to ask you to switch seats. There is also nothing impolite about refusing. It is then up to you to maintain the courage of your convictions while sitting next to a sad-eyed 5-year-old on a six-hour flight.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Every December, I sit down with my address book and write holiday greetings to those near and far. I inquire about family members, comment on recent events, share news of my own life, etc. In essence, each card is a short letter.

I am always delighted to receive cards from others, but I am often disappointed with what I receive. Inside a beautiful card, addressed by hand, is often only the following: "Dear (name), Happy Holidays! (Sender name)"

Am I wrong for thinking that sending cards like this is improper? To me, it feels like sending someone a carefully wrapped box without anything inside. But it seems to be in vogue. Am I missing something? Have I misunderstood the tradition?

GENTLE READER: Which tradition? Yours is charming, but a mere greeting, with a real signature, is not improper. It is a bit like saying "Hi" in passing, rather than stopping to chat.

Miss Manners suspects that the annual one-on-one catching-up that you so graciously do will become even more rare. People who have been posting their every move and meal on social media all year don't have that much left to tell.

She urges you to keep alive the traditional concept -- not so much that of reporting on yourself, although you will include that, but of asking after others. That is what has been lost in the epidemic of "sharing."

Perhaps your correspondents will appreciate your interest enough to respond in kind. In any case, you will have shown them that greetings can go beyond "Hi" or the "Like" button.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)