DEAR MISS MANNERS: My husband and I recently had my now ex-girlfriend, her husband and her sister for brunch during their visit to our city. At the end of the meal, each of them used the bathroom in the reverse order I just listed, and the latter took what seemed an inordinate amount of time in there.

Soon after their departure, I discovered that the bathroom not only smelled of vomit but retained residues on the toilet, the floor and the adjoining walls. Because no one mentioned that they had felt ill, I assumed the act was voluntary. I had noticed her looking thinner than ever, yet eating heartily throughout the meal.

My reaction fluctuates between disgust at having to clean up after the act, and compassion for what is clearly a manifestation of bulimia. At the moment I've resolved not to share a meal with her again, but how to address this in the meantime?

GENTLE READER: As a general rule, Miss Manners prohibits hosts from noticing, much less discussing, what goes on in the bathroom.

But as this seems to be an extreme case -- and a matter of health -- she will allow it. Up to a point.

You may discreetly ask your friend if everyone in her family is healthy by saying you noticed that someone took ill after the meal -- and that you hope the meal itself was not the culprit. If she takes this as an opportunity to talk to you about her illness, then you may offer sympathy or help.

But if she doesn't, then you must let it go. Although it is widely supposed to be compassionate to confront people about unhealthy behavior and to advise them to seek help, it is often counter-productive. In cases such as this, the lady knows all that, is continuing to do it anyway, and by embarrassing her you would be likely to stir up resentment and defiance.

But, as you said, you should resolve to meet in places where food is not involved.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am a mother of 2-year-old twins. I am also a practicing attorney in a large law firm. Twice last week, relative strangers gave me unsolicited advice about parenting, specifically telling me I should be a stay-at-home mom instead of working.

First, a neighborhood acquaintance told me that the reason my children were having a hard time falling asleep (I had mentioned this in passing on a walk) was because I "never see them." She went on to say that she doesn't know what I am doing with my career, but that it "can't be more important" than raising my kids.

Then, a day later, a flight attendant told me that I should not work so that I could really "be a mom."

Both of these unpleasant conversations went on longer than I could bear, but I did not know how to end them tactfully. I found myself upset by the judgments and had a hard time thinking clearly about a polite but clear response. Any advice for next time?

GENTLE READER: Say, "Thank you for your concern" and change the subject.

There is no end to the advice being offered when it comes to rearing other people's children. Miss Manners need hardly tell you that don't have to heed it and should not take it to heart.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: When I was 22, several dear friends were kind enough to send gifts when I participated in a debutante ball. I thanked them all in person.

However, I am now 30 and have failed to send written notes. I feel terrible about this and have for years, but I am uncertain if sending notes at this stage would simply remind them of the insult.

GENTLE READER: Penning a few notes at the time would have been far less work than fretting about it for eight years, a fact of which you must now be aware. Miss Manners mentions this for the benefit of those who complain that their lives are too busy for gratitude.

While etiquette does not have a statute of limitations, your friends are unlikely still to be thinking about your omission. Sending thank-you letters now is more likely to frighten than to atone: Your friends will either worry about either your mental equilibrium or their own postal service.

That you are still worrying over your slip suggests that it has not recurred. The next time you express gratitude to one of these friends for a new gift, include a light-hearted reference to the original gift and mention that you still remember it with affection.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: As a freshman at my dream university in another state, I want to notify close family members and friends of my change of address, but I'm unsure of how to do it.

I don't want to post the information freely on social media. My older relatives don't have Facebook anyway, I don't check my own account that often, and there is always a concern about privacy and safety.

I thought about sending short, personal notes including my new address and how excited I am about college, but a friend told me that the idea seemed "desperate" and like I was "begging for gifts and money."

I hadn't even thought of it that way, and I don't want to make anyone feel obligated to write to me or send me care packages. I just wanted to make sure they had the option if they wanted it. What is the best way to notify a change in address without seeming "grabby" for gifts?

GENTLE READER: Assure your friend that those in search of gifts are not so subtle as to disguise their request as a change of address notice. As Miss Manners is sadly aware, they specify the item -- or items -- they want, the store at which it is to be purchased, the amount the giver may expect to pay for it, the color and the delivery method.

And they rarely trouble to write personal notes to their targeted benefactors. That is what you could do, when you send your change of address.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have now reached the age when service people find it amusing to say, "Can I help you, young man?" -- the joke being that I am obviously not a young man.

Would it be rude to reply by saying, "Yes, thank you, handsome" (or "beautiful")?

GENTLE READER: It took Miss Manners a minute to get this, and your service people may take it at face value. But she congratulates you on a comeback that meets her requirements of making your point without being rude.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: While my husband, young son and I were dinner guests at a couple's home, the man in the couple -- in front of my husband and his wife -- complimented what I was wearing, saying that it "accentuates the right places."

To be clear, the outfit was not low-cut or revealing. I simply said, "Um ... thanks" and looked uncomfortable because I really didn't find the remark appropriate.

A general "I like that outfit" or "You look nice" would be one thing, but to add that said outfit "accentuates the right places" was another, especially from a married man (and old enough to be my father at that) to another man's wife.

My husband told me later that he thought the compliment was questionable, but at the time, he just let it pass.

The man's wife was obviously not happy with her husband's remark. But instead of saying anything to him about it, she was snippy with me for the rest of the evening and lectured me on my child-rearing.

Should such a situation arise again, what would be the best way to deal with a host who says something mildly inappropriate -- while I would still be a good guest?

GENTLE READER: Considering that the husband was lewd and the wife snippy, Miss Manners doubts that the situation will arise again with this particular couple, whom you can cross off your visiting list.

Should you encounter such a remark again, you could exclaim, "I didn't know that you used to be a tailor!" As soon as he denies this -- and before he has a chance to say that he was referring to your figure -- you should add, "That's too bad. A good tailor is hard to find. Does anyone know one?"

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Do you send an anniversary card to a couple who are separated?

GENTLE READER: What would it say? "Happy anniversary, each in your own way"? "Hope you make it to the next one"?

Miss Manners would consider it more tactful to ignore the occasion.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have always been under the impression that showers should never be given by immediate relatives of the honoree, lest the family be seen as "grubbing" for gifts. Instead, showers should be given by dear and generous friends.

I know that this notion is often ignored these days, but is it still nonetheless true, or am I just too old-fashioned?

GENTLE READER: Only if you think that dignity is a fashion.

Etiquette rules that have an arbitrary connection to the underlying principle of manners sometimes change. For example, a lady who allows her ankles to be visible is no longer considered lewd.

However, the rule you mention has a direct relationship to the moral imperative against soliciting on behalf of one's family. It will not change, no matter how many people disobey it.

When legitimate changes do occur, you may be sure that Miss Manners will inform you.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)