DEAR MISS MANNERS: My husband and I married this past year. After the wedding, we immediately began trying to become pregnant to fulfill our dreams of having a child.

It was several months of unsuccessful and frustrating attempts. I did everything I was counseled to do, including following a "schedule" for our love-making and tracking my cycles and urinating on ovulation sticks -- the whole nine yards. Nothing.

Then, six months later, I was diagnosed with a brain tumor that needed to be removed. It was major surgery, I was in the hospital for days, etc. (It was benign and I'm now fine.)

During my recovery period, my husband and I almost entirely abstained -- except once, which was basically me capitulating to his desires, as I was incapable of fully participating due to my surgical injuries.

Imagine my surprise when I discovered this one time resulted in a pregnancy! Miss Manners, I truly was very ill. The encounter lasted just a couple of minutes, and I had to prop myself up with pillows to even get it done!

I only did it to give my husband a little pleasure -- he did such a great job caring for me, and I wanted to give him something back. I never dreamed we'd get pregnant after the months of unsuccessful attempts.

All my doctors have given me the OK to continue the pregnancy, and the expectation is that the baby will be perfectly healthy and I will not have any troubles stemming from my previous medical problems. However, I feel extremely awkward about it, as all my family, friends and co-workers know about my recent surgery, and it doesn't take an expert to do some quick math to figure out I got pregnant during my recovery period.

We're almost ready to tell people about the pregnancy. How do I respond to questions about the timing of our pregnancy? I am truly excited to be able to move on from what was a very scary and challenging time in my life and have the baby we always dreamed of, but the idea of explaining to everyone I know that I was trying to be appreciative and did it for my husband seems mortifying.

I know this shouldn't be a problem, as no one with any good manners would ask about the timing, but it seems lately that manners are out the window.

GENTLE READER: It is difficult to accept the argument that you consider other people indiscreet when you yourself have freely -- and publicly -- offered up such personal, vivid and unnecessary details of the conception without provocation. Miss Manners is grateful that she does not have to try to look you or your husband in the eye.

No doubt people are nosy, but your friends would have to be paying awfully close attention to wonder about the timing and question its reasoning. If they do ask, you could simply say, "Yes, aren't we lucky?" and leave it at that.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My son's girlfriend's mother asked my son if he wanted to "come over for Thanksgiving dinner." I am amazed that she would invite him away from his own family on a day that has traditionally been reserved for family, although I understand that this holiday does include friends as well. However, I would like to know the proper way to handle this.

GENTLE READER: Handle what? As Miss Manners understands it, you were not invited. The only thing you have to handle is your son, if you are not happy with his decision.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have a friend who calls or comes by only when she has no one else to hang out with.

We've known each other for 13 years and have gone out together only two times that I can recall. She asks me to do things with her, then makes plans with other people and doesn't even let me know that she changed her plans, so I get stuck sitting around trying to come up with something to do all day.

I want to say something, but I don't know how to say it without sounding hurtful or resentful. What do you suggest?

GENTLE READER: "I'm so sorry, I'm busy." If you have gone out only twice in 13 years, Miss Manners assures you that this answer is unlikely to have an adverse affect on either your social calendar or what you generously call a friendship.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My friend invited herself to our house for Thanksgiving, and I did not say no. My husband had a fit and says no way. How do I tell her she cannot come over for dinner?

GENTLE READER: You might take a lesson from your husband in how to say no. Apparently he knows how to do this effectively.

Actually, you would have had to learn to top him at that had you actually issued the Thanksgiving invitation. But as your friend issued it herself, Miss Manners will allow you some leeway.

You could tell her, in tones of extreme regret, that while you would love to have her to dinner, it will have to be on another occasion, as in this case you had failed to check with your husband and now find that it is impossible.

But please do not try to explain why it is impossible. Part of the skill of saying no is to shut up afterward and not babble on, offering material for an argument.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: At a small, intimate funeral service for the elderly mother of a close friend, held in a chapel at the cemetery, I noticed the woman next to me reading something on her cellphone, after which she began texting.

I looked at her as she was doing this, and she stopped typing and, I thought, put the device away.

As the service progressed, however, she continually pulled the device out again and started texting. This happened throughout the service. Beyond the fact that it was unbelievably rude to do this in a church setting, let alone a funeral service, it was very distracting.

I was tempted to do a number of things, including asking her to put the device away or even changing seats, but I just kept quiet and endured her rudeness. What should one do in these situations? When is using such a device considered bad manners?

GENTLE READER: Suggesting that "You might find it less distracting to text outside" has the advantage of ambiguity: If said politely, it might seem to offer sympathy over annoyance caused by trying to read and write while surrounded by mourners.

Miss Manners prefers this to drawing attention to the fact that this person's dinner plans are more important to her than a friend's mother's death and the grief of the bereaved.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

Fraud on the social scene! It has come to Miss Manners' attention that invitations that are deliberately and shockingly misleading are being issued to unsuspecting people.

She does not mean to justify imperious guests who are outraged if the hosts fail to cede them control over the menu, the time, the dress code and the remainder of the guest list. Nor does she blame hosts who are unaware of their guests' legitimate restrictions, although it is prudent, these days, to ask if such exist.

Rather, she is thinking of dinners that turn out, upon arrival, to be fundraisers; outings whose secret purpose is unauthorized matchmaking; and parties with unannounced amateur entertainment programs, even if those do not star resident children. Most outrageous are the total bait-and-switch invitations by which hospitality has been apparently extended to those who, upon acceptance, are issued hosting responsibilities, such as bringing the food or paying a restaurant bill.

If frankly offered, these opportunities might be welcomed. But prior warning -- like highway signage announcing falling rocks -- offers the opportunity to take another road. Or at least to close the sunroof.

Miss Manners believes that a guest's commitment to an invitation, once accepted, is generally binding. But she leaps to protect guests who discover that a pertinent -- and perhaps unpleasant -- fact was omitted when the invitation was issued and accepted.

There are ways to rescind an acceptance once such a hidden purpose is revealed. One may firmly state a refusal to end mourning and to "move on" by considering a new romance. One may claim sudden indisposition without specifying that the indisposition came on at the prospect of home theatricals. One can explain that one's disposable income already goes to charities or candidates of one's own choice. One may plead to be excused because of an inability to comply with the shopping and cooking assignment.

But when there has been no warning at all, compliance cannot always be avoided. The correct response will vary depending upon whether one is being pelted with pebbles or boulders. It may be possible to demur when asked for a donation at an unexpected fundraising party.

But when an invitation to a restaurant party turns out to be pay-for-yourself (and perhaps even chip in for the purported host), Miss Manners will not allow a fuss that ruins whatever good feelings may have accumulated before the nasty surprise finish. The hapless non-guest should pay the bill and consider the relationship paid off, with no further obligations. At least it will be clear what lies down the road when the next invitation arrives.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I received the following invite from my brother's companion (over 79 years old): "My son wants a big gathering for Thanksgiving, as his son will be home from college, so he made arrangements for dinner at an Irish pub. They have a dinner for $18 complete with Irish music, etc. I would like it if you and your husband would join us too. My son has a place for two more at the table."

What kind of invite is this? Should I be prepared to pay $18 per? Does this sound like a treat ... but she did say her son wants to do it up big, etc.? What say you?

GENTLE READER: What Miss Manners would say is, "No, thank you." But, then, she is not tempted to buy a ticket to meet a presumably unknown student whose parent's idea of "doing it up big" comes at other people's expense. You may feel differently, and should be grateful that you have been warned in time to decide.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)