DEAR MISS MANNERS: Shrugs have always been poor manners, or at least that is what I was taught. When asked a question, you should give a proper verbal answer.

My stepson has now started to shrug in response to things, and then actually to say "Shrug" as his verbal response. I have not corrected him, and he does not mean to give offense. I'm just puzzled.

If you verbally say "Shrug" as an indication of your disinterest/not caring about a question, is that considered a proper verbal response?

By the way, the statement of nonverbals seems to be catching among the teenage generation. I've also heard "Yawn" to indicate boredom and "Gulp" to indicate trouble. Maybe it's all that texting.

GENTLE READER: It might be an even older phenomenon, namely comic books.

The rudeness is not the fact of the shrug being nonverbal -- presumably you do not have a court reporter handy who needs oral responses -- but rather that it shows disrespect. This is true however the shrug is conveyed.

As parents, you or your husband should talk to your stepson and tell him that this is not acceptable behavior. Miss Manners recommends avoiding the phrases "Kapow!" and "Bam!"

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I had a fight with my girlfriend and we haven't spoken since the week before Thanksgiving. She left a Christmas gift at my house today. I do not want to continue our relationship. What should I do with the gift?

GENTLE READER: Return it, with a polite note of thanks and the explanation that under the circumstances, you do not feel you can take advantage of her generosity. Not returning it would signal a possible willingness to return, Miss Manners must warn you.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am a director at a church weekday program. We had a training last night at work for the faculty. After the meeting, it was brought to my attention by another teacher that texting was being done during the meeting. I am not sure what my approach to confronting the employees should be. I am upset that they did not feel it was important enough to give me their undivided attention.

Please advise on this matter. Our policy states that because we are a licensed day care facility, we will not use our phones at work. Each employee signs the policy at the beginning of the year. The meeting and training was fun, and it was on the subject of "cooking with children" in the classroom.

GENTLE READER: Reminding people of your policy at the beginning of a training session is not out of place. But Miss Manners feels that your particular circumstances make the task easier than usual. Pass around an empty soup pot, and ask the trainees to deposit their phones into it. In addition to enforcing the policy, you will be reminding your students that it is not difficult to imagine what might go wrong when bringing children, open flames and electronics into close proximity.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am a 39-year-old wife, turning 40 in 2015. I am very happily married, moderately successful and childless.

Since my wedding 16 years ago, I have not had an occasion to "be celebrated," and I think it's about high time! No baby showers, no children who will graduate or get married. No grandchildren.

Frankly, a girl needs a reason to get dolled up, buy a gown and get some attention, and I, for one, don't think there is anything wrong with that.

Can my husband and I throw a classy, formal "black and white" party for friends and family that celebrates, well, me? Gifts would be gratefully declined and donations made to a worthy cause instead, for those who feel moved to do so.

My parents are, thankfully, still here, and my sisters' kids are now adults but not yet married and moved on. Now seems like a great time to celebrate life!

Or am I just a total crazy person who is so self-centered she can't see past her very own nose to realize that this is a really bad idea?

GENTLE READER: Yes, but there is an awful lot of that going around. Miss Manners has the impression that if you asked people whom they most admired and would like to honor, they would freely admit it was themselves.

The selfie party, for whatever excuse, has become commonplace. Grown-ups throw themselves annual birthday parties, brides and expectant parents demand showers, and those who, like you, missed a possible milestone that could have been such an occasion are asking for compensation.

At least you are not proposing this as an excuse to extract material tributes. And the desire to dress up and have a festive time, in this era of relentless casualness, is understandable. So if you are willing to make some minor adjustments, Miss Manners would be happy to help.

Give your formal party, buy yourself that dress, celebrate life, just don't advertise that it is all about you. Don't call it a birthday party -- just a party, whose object is to give your guests a good time. Occasion parties have so crowded out purely-for-fun parties that your friends are bound to be delighted and grateful.

And that way, you will be celebrated for what you have done for others, instead of what you have demanded for yourself.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My husband has always refused to wear a tuxedo at the few formal events we have attended since retirement, but I am now hoping to get him into a dinner jacket for formal nights on a cruise.

Are these two styles interchangeable? What kind of occasions call for which mode?

GENTLE READER: Good news for your husband: He can wear a dinner jacket, with Miss Manners' approval. That is because "dinner jacket" is a fastidious term for what is commonly called a tuxedo.

Some time after 1886, when tailless (and thus relatively informal) evening clothes for men first appeared, the name this suit picked up from being introduced at the Tuxedo Club in Tuxedo Park, New York, came to be considered too commercial for gentlemanly use. On invitations, the correct term is "black tie" (as opposed to "white tie," the now-rare full evening dress), and in conversation, it is a dinner jacket, with the pants simply assumed.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My daughter was 7.5 months pregnant when the ultrasound relayed that her baby had passed away. Her baby shower was around the corner, and we have many gifts here.

I am wondering, what is the protocol? My husband and I would like to keep the gifts as an encouragement to our daughter for the future. Some have already told me to keep the gift. Do I ask each person, or does my daughter just send thank-you notes?

GENTLE READER? The former. Your daughter doesn't (and shouldn't) have to express thanks for presents she has not received. Please spare her the pain of explaining the situation to each person.

Since you will need to cancel the shower anyway, tell each guest that you will make arrangements to return the presents. If they decline the offer (which they likely will do, but you cannot suggest it), then you may keep them tucked away for future use.

But Miss Manners begs you not to tell your daughter of your plan. It is unlikely that the prospect of receiving presents will be an effective -- or tactful -- way to encourage her to try again.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I'm planning to visit a town where I lived and worked for a number of years. A dear friend who is still there wants to gather all our old colleagues for a picnic or series of luncheons.

I recognize this as a very kind gesture on her part. However, these former colleagues and I have not stayed in touch, and, although we spent time together in groups on a regular basis, we never hung out together individually.

I don't really consider them old friends. A couple of them are good friends with my good friend, but they were never people whose company I enjoyed, frankly. Nonetheless, she considers them my good friends as well -- sort of by osmosis.

I really don't want to spend precious time with any of these people, "catching up" when we never bothered to before. I honestly don't dislike them, but there are several good friends outside this group that I do plan to visit with during my limited time in town.

Is there any gracious way to ask my good friend not to plan my social calendar, or do I just try to grin and bear it? I couldn't not tell her of my impending visit so she wouldn't have time to plan anything.

GENTLE READER: Tell her thank you for the offer, but that your time on this visit is limited, and the two of you have so much to catch up on that you really would prefer to keep it just the two of you. Further add that there are a few other friends about whom you feel the same way. If your friend continues to push her plans, Miss Manners suggests you assure her that there will be other visits where you are not so pressed for time.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)