DEAR MISS MANNERS: Having finally become familiar with my mobile phone, I now find I conduct both personal and professional conversations by texting or instant messaging with some frequency. It's the real-time implications of these conversations that baffle me.

I ignore my phone at home while it charges (still having a landline and desktop computer), and have it set not to ring when out and about. I feel it's something I may check entirely at my own convenience, though I do try to at least pay daily attention.

My question is about responding to text messages. Should I be conscious of being distracting or intrusive when replying, i.e., while that person is working, sleeping or involved in some important life event? Since I feel so empowered to ignore my own phone at will, somehow it doesn't always occur to me that I might be interrupting someone else if I'm still awake after midnight or unaware of their daily activities.

GENTLE READER: Just as you have mastered the ability to silence your own cellular telephone, it is reasonable -- if not necessarily accurate -- to assume that your correspondents have done the same.

Absent explicit requests, Miss Manners would not expect you to keep track of when others are working, sleeping or involved in important life events. She hopes that technology continues to permit at least a modicum of mystery to remain on the subject.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My grandkids are 12 and 11, and my daughter wants to go on a vacation. She has asked me if I would come and sit at her house for two weeks, except for the one weekend when my son will keep them.

I have a husband who is not my child's father. He feels this is wrong of her to ask me to do this.

GENTLE READER: If your husband and you do not wish to baby-sit the grandchildren, you have Miss Manners' blessing to decline to do so. You do not have her permission to invent rudenesses. There are too many already, without adding requests to watch the grandchildren to the list.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: What is the etiquette regarding online gift-giving for the holidays with respect to wrapping? I have four children and have received numerous gifts for them from relatives that were ordered online where wrapping was an option.

Yet several of them chose to call me and ask me to wrap the gifts when they arrive so they could save a few bucks. Now I have to spend the few evenings before the holidays up late wrapping other people's gifts.

GENTLE READER: And what about the relatives who show up for Christmas, but have not been able to wrap their presents (or have had them forcibly unwrapped) because of airport security?

Miss Manners may be lulled into an excess of holiday goodwill, but she would suggest keeping an extra roll of wrapping paper on hand to comply with the advantages and disadvantages of modern life. Presumably you should be able to count on others to do the same for you.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Every year we receive a Christmas letter from a couple we see frequently and therefore we are up-to-date on what's going on in their family. Their annual letter seems to be nothing more than an opportunity to brag about vacations, vacation homes, their children's careers and their purchases.

If there was a death in their family and thus a duty to mention it, it is reported as the best funeral ever! Of course after the boasting has been thoroughly covered, the last sentence always includes a wish for our family to have a holiday filled with peace and joy.

I find this type of form letter to be shallow, self-serving and in very poor taste. What was once a means of keeping in touch with distant friends and relatives and conveying the spirit of the season seems to have morphed into a very different agenda. What is your opinion of these letters?

GENTLE READER: Astonishment that you get this only once a year.

Have these people not discovered that on social media, they could post every single day, even multiple times a day -- boring not just you, but untold numbers of people, including some they don't even know? That they could supplement this with pictures, including of every meal they had?

Miss Manners notices that selfie press releases, passed off as "news" about oneself and one's family, have become a year-round nuisance. The object is to cast the subject in a favorable, if not enviable, light. No doubt your correspondents think of their tone as being cheerful, even when reporting a death.

But they, like nearly all social media posters, suffer from the fatal fault of failing to consider their targeted audience. Personal news should be sent only to people who do not otherwise know it and yet can be presumed to be interested.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My ex-husband and I remained friendly after our divorce in 1979. He passed away 23 years ago. I have never remarried, and now I do not see myself as a divorcee, but a widow. Would it be incorrect to call myself a widow?

GENTLE READER: It doesn't bother Miss Manners, and it certainly can't bother your former husband; presumably, he did not leave a subsequent widow. But if you want to be fastidious, you can achieve the same effect by saying simply, "My husband died."

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My niece was married 12 years ago at city hall with only her parents in attendance. She regrets having no pictures of the day.

I would like to surprise her with a vow renewal ceremony. Is a surprise a bad move? Many people are telling me to involve her in the planning.

GENTLE READER: First, allow Miss Manners to say how sweet it is that you want to do something for your niece and her husband.

Next she is obliged to tell you that surprising people with a set-up that requires them to go through a ceremony to which they had not agreed is an appalling plan. Please just ask them if they would enjoy your giving them an anniversary party.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have a step-niece who never writes thank-you notes. This is normally a mere annoyance because it makes it impossible for me to know for sure if a birthday card or gift arrived safely, but I've come to expect the lack of acknowledgment for the normal gift-giving instances.

I sent this niece a graduation card with a monetary gift enclosed. I shouldn't have been surprised that a thank-you never arrived -- either in written form, email, text, or even through her parents -- although I'd hoped that the special occasion might have inspired a sudden burst of politeness.

No such luck. However, in this case, I'm finding it much harder to get over my annoyance. It's especially difficult to be gracious when my brother asks me to mentor this girl (his stepdaughter) as she begins her studies at my college alma mater. I don't warrant a thank-you note, but it's perfectly OK to hit me up for my time and advice?

So, given that changing this girl's lack of manners is most likely impossible, can you advise me of a mantra I can say to myself that allows me to keep up good family relations? I will see this family in a few short weeks, and I don't want my grudge to show.

GENTLE READER: As your brother has invited you to mentor this girl, your first act of advice could be about encouraging kindness and generosity by showing gratitude. Not only will this ease the unpleasantness for you, but it will also be extremely useful to her in future business and social relationships.

While Miss Manners does not generally condone chastising people for their etiquette transgressions (that, after all, is her lot in life), in this particular case, you have been invited to help the poor girl out. If worded properly and kindly ("Now that you are in college, you are going to want to be sure to express thanks for any acts of kindness, if for no other reason than to show that you are grateful and make them want to continue"), correcting her behavior would help everyone out.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: On a sunny morning, I put on my running shoes and took the same tour I always do. Unfortunately, this time, a funeral just started at the church I always pass. The funeral car was still on the way to the church and the family of the departed were walking behind the car.

I was running on the sidewalk, in the opposite direction. It was so weird, that group of people were mourning, and I was running happily, thanking God for the beautiful weather. Should I have stopped running until they passed? What is the right thing to do?

GENTLE READER: Unless you are physically in their way, Miss Manners does not -- nor would anyone -- expect you to cease all activity and pretend you are temporarily among the bereaved. An alternative to stopping your run would be going across the street so as to maintain a respectful distance as a courtesy.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)