DEAR MISS MANNERS: Since my husband, then-teenage daughter and I relocated from New York some years ago, we have run into a rather awkward situation due to the fact that my husband greatly resembles a local politician who was voted out of office after passing some bond issue that left a local municipality in dire financial straits.

This all happened before we moved here, so we do not know all the particulars, but we have strangers approaching us out of the blue and calling him nasty names, making snide remarks about "Who is this, and where's your wife?"

This happens about a dozen times a year. When we politely explain that he is not who they think he is, they usually apologize and leave us alone, but some people do not believe us. Sometimes they become threatening.

We considered moving back home to New York when we retire, but our daughter has married here and just presented us with our only grandchild, so now we want to stay. Any advice for us?

GENTLE READER: Perhaps you could announce the (belated) news of the birth of your grandchild or other such event in a local newspaper, complete with pictures of yourselves? You could even add, "Margaret and Thurber Innocent -- frequently mistaken for Governor No-Good" as part of the caption.

Miss Manners is not usually in favor of public announcements for anything other than weddings and deaths (especially since social media has made them all but redundant), but thinks that an exception could be made here.

Otherwise, continue as you have ("Yes, I understand that I do bear a resemblance, but I am not he") and hope that the harassment -- and public memory -- subsides. If it becomes threatening, of course call the authorities. Or give up and have your husband declare that he has amended his ways. America does so love a comeback.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Is it poor manners to drink water while you are eating? I have a small esophagus and choke very easily, so I take a drink after most bites that require chewing. My daughter's boyfriend told my grandson that I have "bad manners," which I felt was rude and out of line.

GENTLE READER: Yes, it was. And poor judgment, besides, to confide in your grandson. Miss Manners assures you that drinking water frequently is infinitely preferable to choking.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: When I mentioned to a new acquaintance that my mother died 25 years ago, she said, "I'm sorry."

It struck me as odd, because I am 65 years old and my grief was resolved decades ago. Is it appropriate to express condolences regardless of how much time has passed since the death of someone close?

GENTLE READER: As opposed to saying, "Aren't you over that yet?"

It is a peculiar task to expect someone to assess the state of relative grief-over-time with anyone, much less with a new acquaintance. That this person wished to express her sympathy is gracious -- and Miss Manners would consider it less so for you to question that.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Occasionally friends, on my birthday or Christmas, have given me a card announcing they've made a (financial) gift in my name to their favorite cause, which is not one I'm particularly a supporter of, although not one to which I'm opposed.

Since gifts among us are not expected, I always find this awkward. Is there a polite way of responding?

GENTLE READER: Ah yes, the Potemkin gift: one that is not a gift, but which you cannot fail to acknowledge without giving offense.

Miss Manners sympathizes, but still requires a thank-you note, perhaps one saying how good it is of them to support a cause that you know is special to them.

She would recommend that you also say how much you are looking forward to learning about this unfamiliar organization if she did not fear that your friend would miss the implication -- and instead bombard you with propaganda.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: While it is currently common etiquette practice to send thank-you notes after a job interview, is this practice in fact confusing personal with business? And does sending notes on stationery further confuse this purpose, which is to find a qualified candidate for the position?

I do understand that an interviewer does not have to interview the individual and could just as easily pass the person over, but it does seem to be mixing business with personal.

GENTLE READER: Everyone has business correspondence for which it is not acceptable to use the current employer's letterhead. In addition to interview thank-you letters, personal stationery is properly used for job application letters and for threatening to sue the phone company, to give two examples. It can even be used for congratulation or condolence notes to co-workers.

While Miss Manners sometimes recognizes the need to refer to "personal stationery" to distinguish it from company letterhead, so naming it does not render it unfit for all business correspondence, any more than calling an invitation "personalized" makes it so.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: When a phrase such as "As you know," or "As you have no doubt heard," precedes a bit of news of which the recipient has, in fact, no previous awareness, is it proper to correct the news-bearer's mistaken impression?

On the one hand, it seems petty; on the other, it could inform the person that a channel of communication assumed to be working had failed. For example, an email that was supposed to be sent to a group was not delivered. My typical response is, "Actually, I had not heard, but thank you for telling me."

GENTLE READER: There is another possibility, namely that the speaker is attempting to avoid responsibility for the failure to deliver the news in a timely manner. However, Miss Manners agrees that your response is both proper and efficacious, whatever the speaker's motivation.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My girlfriend is very particular about table manners. She makes a point of leaving a scattering of food on her plate at the end of a meal rather than finishing every crumb as I do.

I know it only amounts to one or two forkfuls, but having traveled extensively in very poor countries, I think this is wasteful and absurd. The plates are also harder to wash. What are your thoughts?

GENTLE READER: That she would like to be excused before someone discovers her responsibility in this matter. But that would be cowardly.

The sad truth is that a century ago, it was indeed the case that children in families that could afford it were taught not to finish everything on their plates. The embarrassing part is that the rule was phrased as "Leave something for Miss Manners" (and in England, "Leave something for Lady Manners").

So yes, while some people were starving, others were wasting food. Miss Manners was not starving, because she got all the rich folks' leftovers.

It was Eleanor Roosevelt's grandmother who repealed this rule. As recounted in Mrs. Roosevelt's "Book of Common Sense Etiquette": "My grandmother came to believe that food was needed in the world and we who had an abundance should not waste it."

Miss Manners agrees -- thoroughly and, as you might notice, selflessly.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Is it rude for two co-workers to carry on a whispered conversation in the next cubicle? Would it be rude to ask them to whisper a little bit louder?

GENTLE READER: What, exactly, would you say? "I'm so sorry, but could you speak a bit louder, please? I'm having trouble eavesdropping."

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Friends like to lend me books because they know I like to read.

Almost all my reading is done electronically, by borrowing books from the local library. I am notified by email when a title that I have requested is available. I then have a window of time to read that book before the book is gone from my reading device.

Should I read the lent book from a friend first, and possibly not get my own book read in time, or should I read my own book first, and read my friend's book only when I don't have any of my own books pending, thereby keeping my friend's book longer then the lender might have intended, although never specified?

GENTLE READER: Well, then, specify.

Miss Manners rather doubts that people recommend and then lend books unless they have already finished reading them, or never intend to do so. Thus, there is probably not a rush to get them back. But she does understand that a point can be reached when the lender begins to think that the book will never find its way home.

So she suggests saying, "It could be a while before I get to it. Shall I ask you for it then, or is it all right if I take it now?"

DEAR MISS MANNERS: How do I politely state that lunch will not be provided on a birthday party invitation?

GENTLE READER: By saying it will be at 10:30 a.m., or 3 p.m., or midnight. Just don't hold it at lunchtime.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)