DEAR MISS MANNERS: One of my girlfriends recently got engaged. I was very happy and excited for her, as she had waited for this proposal for what seemed a long time. When she texted me with a photo of the proposal taking place, I quickly texted back my congratulations. The next day, I then followed up with a phone call to again congratulate the happy couple and find out the details of the proposal.

Imagine my dismay when, a few days later, my friend discussed with me how disappointed she was in her friends' response to her engagement! She proceeded to tell me that it really bothered her that none of her good friends took her out for champagne to celebrate or for a manicure.

I sat there in silence as she talked about what she has done for her friends who have gotten engaged, but no one did it for her.

Am I a bad friend for not doing these things? I assumed there would be engagement parties, bridal showers and everything else that comes along with this engagement, so I never thought of doing something extra so quickly for her.

Is this something I should bring up with her as to why it bothered me that she came off as so self-centered?

GENTLE READER: First, a warning:

Do not agree to be a bridesmaid to this lady. If in the first flush of this happy time, her thoughts are not focused on her new life with her fiance, but on how others should pay her obeisance, it is only going to get worse.

Miss Manners' next cautionary advice is not to get into a discussion of your friend's fault or your own grievance. Rather, you should be leading her into talk about the virtues of the bridegroom and listening to tedious wedding details (should the tablecloths be pink or rose?). That is the duty of a good friend under such circumstances.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Today the granddaughter of someone I know asked me point blank if I think her grandmother is beautiful. Is this a proper or improper question?

GENTLE READER: It is a dangerous one, as the world seems to be full of literal-minded people who would rather state their blunt opinions than consider and react to the subtext that would lead someone to ask such a question.

In any case, the proper answer to the granddaughter is yes. Miss Manners assures you that all grandmothers, like all babies, are beautiful.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My friend of many years has become predictably rude, demanding and demeaning to wait staff when we lunch together, a ritual of many years. I find that I cannot abide her ill-mannered treatment of these people, plus it ruins my meal.

Recently, while in a restaurant together, I gently asked her to treat the wait staff nicely. She exploded in anger against me and walked out. Can this friendship be saved?

GENTLE READER: No. Not at lunchtime, at any rate.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I'm 63. My wife is 53. We've been married for 25 years. I often get "funny" comments about our age difference, like "Oh, Darlene (my wife), who's the old guy with you? Ha ha."

I'm still young-looking. I often get comments that I don't look my age. I'm 5-foot-11 and weigh 185 pounds. I run half-marathons. So I'm in good shape. Please, how do I respond to such harsh comments?

GENTLE READER: "Darlene?! Are you seeing an older man?"

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Many of us who use drive-thrus regularly are often on our way to work. Unfortunately, we often end up behind someone who has placed an order for at least a dozen people. This situation tends to defeat the purpose of the drive-thru and renders the term "fast food" an oxymoron.

People who need to feed a whole lot of people and don't have time to cook should go to a supermarket delicatessen. They will probably save money that way, and the rest of us will save time. Please help me get my message out to the public.

GENTLE READER: And what would that message be? No fast food for parties over 4? Or 6? It is always frustrating to be delayed in line, especially when there is a promise of speed right there in the name. (But then again, so is the word "food," and Miss Manners would not presume to regulate that notion, either.)

Unfortunately, one can't make specific decrees as to the size and quality of a party who is only asking for their own right to the same service as you. Or make recommendations as to how they would be better served.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: A friend sneezed in my direction at dinner, with my plate of food in the target zone. Although he apologized, I was horrified about eating the food, but also did not want to embarrass him or make him feel bad.

I ate it, rather than ask for a replacement. (Yuck!) What would have been a polite way to avoid consuming his germs?

GENTLE READER: Yuck indeed. Miss Manners commends your valiancy -- and iron stomach. Your reaction goes beyond any reasonable expectation of good manners.

But she agrees that it would be difficult to come up with an excuse for asking for the food to be replaced without embarrassing your friend. It would have been polite for your friend to have done so on your behalf.

In lieu of that, however, you could have discreetly stopped eating and politely eschewed any questions as to why -- or said that you yourself weren't feeling well. Surely not an inaccurate statement, given the circumstances.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Is it ever proper to ask who else will be attending a party?

GENTLE READER: Not before accepting the invitation. That would be tantamount to asking whether it would be worth one's while to attend.

But afterward, Miss Manners can offer you the excuse of wanting to know if there is anyone attending who might want -- or offer -- a ride.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: In a box of candy that has paper holders, do you take the wrapper and candy, or do you just take the candy and leave the wrapper?

GENTLE READER: Take the paper, as it will reduce the necessity to lick your fingers later. Miss Manners says this on practical, more than etiquette, grounds because she assumes that the chocolate will be more correctly dressed (meaning, in this case, undressed) at a formal function.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have a pet peeve that I would like to call my generation's attention to. When I show you a picture on my cellphone, I mean for you to see ONLY the picture that I carefully selected.

I am not giving you permission to scroll left and right in search of other pictures, related or otherwise. If I want to show you another, then I will scroll for you. It isn't that I have incriminating evidence on my phone, but I don't appreciate an invasion of my privacy.

Should I just firmly hold on to my own phone when a friend wants a closer look from now on? How would you suggest handling people who think your phone pictures are a public album? By the way, this has happened a number of times with different people, and was not an isolated event.

GENTLE READER: In the days of wallet photos, it was easy to take a baby picture out and hand it to a friend for admiration without running the risk that he would help himself to your cash. Technology has now improved our lives to the point that he can also read your correspondence, check your schedule, and find out what you have been reading.

Miss Manners agrees that handing over a cellphone should not be taken as an invitation to shop, but she also understands your friends' confusion, and suggests that you retain possession. The same device can be used to send the picture in question -- and only the picture in question -- to your friend's phone.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Is it proper or good manners that, when a person is complimented, they return the favor and find something complimentary to say back?

GENTLE READER: As the polite version of the schoolyard retort "You're another"?

Generally, it looks too much like repaying a debt before it can accumulate interest. Miss Manners recommends letting the conversation go on a bit after thanking the complimenter, and then finding something quite different to praise.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)