DEAR MISS MANNERS: Is it appropriate for one of my friends to text my fiance exclusively with casual conversation? They were not friends prior to our relationship. I'm not asking if it's wrong, considering that I do not know the situation, but rather I'd like to know if there are any guidelines that deem it appropriate.

GENTLE READER: Are you asking if it is appropriate for your friend to be friends with your fiance? Or are you asking Miss Manners to tell them to stop?

If your fiance is texting your friend while you are trying to hold a conversation with him, then guidelines would deem this to be rude. Otherwise, you would do well to be happy that everyone is getting along.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Should I refrain from asking my sisters-in-law, none of whom I'm really close to, to not come to the hospital waiting room to wait with me while my husband, their brother, has a relatively routine surgery?

One of them is just nosy. I'm sure they love their brother, but we never associate with them, and I just don't want the stress of having to make small talk with them. It's awkward, and I don't want to be hurtful, I just want to be alone to wait.

GENTLE READER: Yes, you should refrain. As inconvenienced as you might feel, this is their brother, and nosy or not, they have as much right as you to wait for him at the hospital. What is more, they have known him longer.

The stress of making small talk with in-laws is called being part of a family. Miss Manners is afraid that you must share the vigil with them. But she will allow you this: If the sisters ask if there's anything they can do for you, you may send them out for coffee -- but only if you do so graciously.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am giving a birthday party for my 3-year-old granddaughter who lives out of state. I'm expecting 50 guests.

I just found out that my daughter and granddaughter unexpectedly cannot travel at this time. I have all of the food prepared, games, loot bags, snow cone and cotton candy machines rented, etc.

Do I cancel the party, or continue the party and mail the gifts to my granddaughter?

GENTLE READER: As opposed to keeping them for yourself?

Miss Manners sympathizes. As your toddler granddaughter has made so many out-of-town friends, you don't want to disappoint them.

Certainly, it is odd to have a birthday party without the guest of honor. Odder still, to try to pretend that loot bags and cotton candy were meant for your adult friends at another event.

Perhaps you can send an email and explain the situation, inviting your guests to attend anyway, but toning down the birthday aspect of it to just a fun multi-generational party. Your guests might bring presents anyway, but if they don't, you have less time to spend at the post office.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: A good friend adheres strictly to your rule that both corn-on-the-cob and asparagus may be eaten with the fingers. Unfortunately, the consumption of asparagus by this individual resembles nothing so much as a log being fed into a sawmill, and corn-on-the-cob an old-fashioned speed typist (with a manual typewriter) coming at full speed to the end of the row and zinging back to its opposite end.

How am I to reconcile these good manners with these unattractive sights presented at my dinner table?

GENTLE READER: By serving something less challenging.

In saying this, Miss Manners recognizes that the possibilities for annoying others at the table are limitless. And she realizes that by suggesting a change in the menu, she may be accused of reducing your freedom. Consider it an aesthetic choice, like those of celebrity chefs who insist on locally sourced foods.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: In the past two years, I have received invitations to several baby showers. In most cases I knew the expectant mother.

For two others, however, I had no idea who the young lady was. The name was unfamiliar, as was the name of the hostess. No information was given that would help me determine the identity of the soon-to-be parents.

(I feel it necessary to mention that both my husband and I come from very large families. We have three dozen nieces and nephews, and even more cousins.)

In one case, a relative called a few days before the RSVP date and asked if I was going. When I said I wasn't sure who the young lady was, she told me it was the girlfriend of one of my nephews. I had never met her, nor had I been told he was dating anyone.

For the second one, I was baffled. Finally, I called to RSVP and expressed my regrets. The day after the shower, I saw pictures on social media. The young lady is the girlfriend of a cousin's son.

I discussed this with several friends who have faced similar difficulties. Is there a polite way to ask, "Who is this person and why am I invited?"

GENTLE READER: The problem is easier if the guest of honor's last name has been omitted, as it often now is. You may then call the host and profess confusion about the identity of the mother-to-be: "I'm so sorry, it's just that I know several Persephones, and I didn't know which one you were friends with."

The same technique can be used even if the mother-to-be's full name was supplied -- providing you are willing to look ditzy: "Silly me. How could I have missed that? There she is right on the invitation."

Miss Manners observes that the new mothers in question themselves sound a bit ditzy, not only for having friends who send incomprehensible invitations, but also for neglecting to join formally the families they are about to grace with descendants, if only because wedding invitations do list who goes with whom.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I inherited a beautiful set of sterling flatware, made in 1908, that had belonged to my grandparents. There are 12 spoons of which I can't figure out the use: They are the size of what we would today use as serving spoons -- but 12 of them!

They can't be soup spoons because I also inherited another silver set from 1917 -- a different pattern -- and those have the traditional round spoons. Can you help me figure out what was the purpose of these spoons?

GENTLE READER: Certainly. You only have to realize that your ancestors were more precise about their silverware than people are apt to be today.

Your grandparents were indeed eating soup with those large oval spoons -- just not creamed soup, which requires the round spoons that your other relatives thoughtfully provided. Should you someday inherit small round-bowled spoons, Miss Manners will consider your life complete, as you will then also be able to eat bouillon properly.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My husband and I own a small business together. For a bit, our oldest son worked with us. He no longer does, and due to drug and mental health issues, we had to file a restraining order against him.

Since he worked there, occasionally we have to field questions on how he is doing. I have been pretty good with a vague, "Like many young adults, he is out there trying to find his way."

My husband hasn't handled this well at all and tends to overshare, explaining exactly what happened and how he feels about it. While I appreciate how much our son's actions have hurt him, I don't feel this is appropriate -- we're there to listen to our customers' life stories, not the other way around.

I have tried diverting the conversation by being lighthearted about it; I have asked him in private to please stop oversharing our personal life with our customers; and I have tried abruptly saying, "Enough about our son. How have YOU been?" hoping he'll take the hint.

All to little effect. Is there a polite way that I can shut down a line of conversation before he gets going?

GENTLE READER: You might point out to your husband that if your son is able to overcome his problems, he will have the additional burden of dealing with his father's public condemnation. While Miss Manners also recognizes that your husband needs an outlet for his anguish, you might steer him to intimates who, like yourself, can sympathize without going public.

If neither of these works, you could break in by saying soothingly, "Forgive us; we are understandably distraught" before proceeding immediately and firmly to business.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: How do you fend off rude questions from co-workers, such as, "That's a nice sweater. Is it NEW?"

I find they often like to look me up and down, scrutinizing every thread and every sleeve on my apparel, as they ask this question. While I don't mind compliments about my clothes, I do mind the judgment that follows these supposedly thoughtful remarks.

GENTLE READER: "I'm glad you like it." Miss Manners assures you that there is less thought and judgment going into those remarks than you think. That admirers deeply care about the provenance of your sweater strikes her as unlikely.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)