DEAR MISS MANNERS: My 17-year-old daughter has a serious boyfriend. Recently I have had three separate individuals ask me if she is having sex, since she is in a serious relationship.

I am appalled! Since when has it become acceptable to ask about anyone's -- especially a teenager's -- personal life?

I try to deflect this by saying that her private life is private -- but these same individuals then try and instruct me that I should have a more open dialogue with her about sex.

Miss Manners, my daughter and I have a lovely and communicative relationship, but I have no desire to share this information with nosy outsiders. How can I reply to these outlandish questions in a way that does not hint at any private details while putting an end to this inappropriate line of questioning?

GENTLE READER: These people can hardly wait to lecture you on how naive and old-fashioned you are to object to such questions. And if you try to argue otherwise, this vulgar haranguing will only get worse.

So Miss Manners advises you to startle them by going with the implied accusation of being prudish. This is counterintuitive, she knows, but it works.

Thus you would take on an expression of shock and exclaim, "Are you insulting my daughter?"

This will force them to claim that all young people are sexually active -- and that gives you the chance to say, "Are they really? And they don't even mind if their parents repeat their confidences to anyone who happens to be curious?"

DEAR MISS MANNERS: What is the correct way to address someone who has a terminal illness?

GENTLE READER: As a living human being.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am in second grade and sometimes read your column. Here is my question: Is it ever polite to burp out loud? I was wondering this because my brothers burp a lot, and they say in some cultures it is polite to burp to show that you like the food.

GENTLE READER: Knowing about different cultures is important, and Miss Manners gathers that your brothers have learned that there are other languages of behavior, just as there are other languages that different people speak.

The next lesson is when to use such languages. For example, it would be wonderful if they could speak Japanese. But would they go around speaking it to Americans who did not understand?

There are places where burping is understood to be acceptable. In America, it is considered unfortunate at best, but rude if no attempt is made to control it.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My nephew is getting married. They have a limited budget. Would it be tacky to offer them the cake topper and unity candle from my wedding? I will never use them again and have no children to hand them down to.

GENTLE READER: To offer items for which you have no use because you think the recipients are too hard up to buy their own will not endear you to them. Miss Manners thinks you would get a better reaction by saying that you would be honored if they would use the topper and candle because they mean so much to you.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Is punctuation in text messaging necessary?

GENTLE READER: Onlyifyouwanttobeunderstood

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My employer texted a photo of a woman he's seeing while he was out on a date with her. This isn't the first time it's happened.

I know the woman through him and like her, but it's not like we're family. I don't know if he asked her permission. I feel like there's something manipulative about this behavior, and I don't want to be involved. Any thoughts on how to gracefully handle this uncomfortable situation?

GENTLE READER: There are so many things that are improper about this situation that Miss Manners hardly knows where to start. That your employer may not have asked the subject's permission actually seems the least of his offenses, although still great.

Whatever his ulterior motive with you might be, it is certainly not professional. If you wish to keep the relationship so, try saying, "Oh, you must have accidentally sent your dinner date's picture to me. Did you mean to text me a work question instead?"

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I stayed with my parents for a week during vacation. I moved out years ago and no longer have a room, but stayed in the guest room.

My family took no time off for my visit and made no special efforts to spend time with me, despite the fact it had been years since I had been home, as my job keeps me out of the country.

At the end of the visit, even though it felt as if I was an imposition and not a daughter coming home, I thanked my mother with a massive hug and some flowers, and my father as well, before I left to return overseas.

Months later, my father calls to tell me my mother is angry with me for not sending a thank-you note. I was shocked that this was even an issue. If I were staying with friends or even other family members, yes, I would absolutely write thank-you notes, but to my own parents? For a week visit during which they didn't even make time for me?

This caused a huge rift in the family, and I understand that I could have just written the note, but it's the principle of the matter that I'm their daughter, it wasn't a special occasion and I didn't see the point. Was I wrong in thinking a thank-you note was inappropriate?

GENTLE READER: You are not wrong in thinking that written thanks for going home are not mandatory. Flowers and a hug are an acceptable response after visiting one's own parents.

Forgive Miss Manners for being suspicious, but your family's behavior seems so insensitive and yours so impeccable that she wonders if the family has an additional grievance. That, whatever it is, might be unfair or unwarranted. However, a note that is part thank-you, part inquiry into the reason that your parents are so distant, might pacify your mother and help repair the rift.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: We are preparing to celebrate my daughter's fourth birthday and are hosting her first party. We don't expect any gifts. The invitation is extended for them to come celebrate with us, no gifts expected.

Lately, on half the invitations we've received, there is a statement about "your presence is the only present required." But if we show up empty-handed, there still appears to be a pile of gifts, and we feel embarrassed. When there is no mention on the invite, people still seem to bring gifts.

Is it better to put the "no gifts" disclaimer on the invitation, or just say nothing and hope they know that it's not expected? It seems tacky to mention gifts, but might it appear that we expect them if nothing is said?

GENTLE READER: When you say that "we" do not expect any gifts, Miss Manners would be delighted, if surprised, to hear that the pronoun includes your daughter and not just you and your spouse.

Denying, convincingly, that your child is counting on a present, and yet showing enthusiastic gratitude when one arrives, is good manners, but it would require an emotional dexterity that challenges even adults. Although hypocrisy in the name of good manners can be a virtue, telling people on the invitation that a present is not expected at the birthday of a 4-year-old strains credulity beyond reason.

Better to omit any mention of presents, accept the gifts that do arrive with a smile, a thank-you -- and, of course, a subsequent thank-you card -- and put them away quickly, for later consumption.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Why are cuss words, cuss words?

GENTLE READER: By general agreement, arising from usage, that certain words are offensive. Miss Manners is therefore puzzled that people who enjoy shocking others sprinkle them around so freely as to nullify their effectiveness.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: A very dear friend of the family has passed away. He will be cremated with a memorial service in the future. I would like to do or give something to his widow, but I'm not sure what would be appropriate.

GENTLE READER: Gift-giving in connection with funerals has a long and troubled history, tied up as it unavoidably is with the feelings of the survivors. But death should not be automatically considered a fundraising opportunity.

Until recently, gifts tended to flow from the bereaved family to other mourners. Victorian widows provided mourning clothes to their servants, who were allowed to keep them, presumably because they already fit, and in the expectation that the staff might be affected by financial consequences resulting from the loss of family income. Modern widows sometimes give personal items belonging to the deceased to relatives and friends as tokens of remembrance.

Gifts to the principal mourner raise different issues. The desperate family whose source of support died may be discreetly helped by friends financially, although good taste precludes this from being preceded by active solicitations by the recipients.

Whether or not the loss was economic, death is inevitably a loss of company and companionship. Miss Manners therefore observes that unobtrusive but ongoing attention is often the most welcome present.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)