DEAR MISS MANNERS: In the first few moments after my arrival at a college reunion, an old acquaintance came up to me with great enthusiasm, seized my hand and gave it a bone-crunching squeeze. It was so viselike that I had no power to squeeze back and thus defend myself.

My weakness was partly owing to a sprain in my index finger that occurred about three months earlier and which I had assumed was healed. To top everything off, I am a classical pianist who once played professionally and now does it for fun.

But the handshake did its worst, and I instantly worried I might never play again. The pain was such that I couldn't help crying out, "You've crushed my finger! It was recovering from a sprain!" My old acquaintance drew back in horror, became contrite and apologized.

Realizing that I may have spoiled the moment, I tried to make up for it by smiling (while still wincing inwardly) and tossing off the comment, "Don't worry. I'll send you the medical bill," then continuing with a bit of jovial small talk as if everything were back to normal.

But I feared things were not back to normal. In the weeks leading up to the event, this person had emailed me saying how much he looked forward to catching up. Within seconds of the encounter, he drifted off to other classmates, and our paths crossed only one more time when I reassured him that my finger was fine and I was just trying to razz him. But he drifted away once more.

I will say that after his severe handshake my finger still hasn't re-healed. What, if anything, did I do wrong, and is there any way to redeem the situation?

GENTLE READER: There is, but it will require an apology on the part of the already-injured party: you.

Miss Manners hopes you recover fully and cannot blame you for reacting when your hand was crushed. Because your friend had no ill intention and apologized, your subsequent impulse to assure him that you will be fine was the right one.

Unfortunately, you have not convinced him. Whether or not you believe in your heart that you overreacted, you need to tell your friend that you did and apologize. This will be more convincing if you do not tell him that his greeting has ended your career as a pianist.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I sell restored vintage products online. My customers often send me long emails thanking me for the work I do and sometimes even sending pictures.

I'm a one-person operation and time is always short. I like to respond, but usually with just a quick, "Thanks for the note, glad you like it."

This seems so insincere after reading a much more thought-out email. Most of the time I don't respond at all. What is the etiquette?

GENTLE READER: If the choice is insincerity or rudeness, Miss Manners prefers the former. But she doubts that your grateful customers are weighing "thank you" for its emotional heft, and disputes your premise that brevity is necessarily insincere.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My 17-year-old daughter has a serious boyfriend. Recently I have had three separate individuals ask me if she is having sex, since she is in a serious relationship.

I am appalled! Since when has it become acceptable to ask about anyone's -- especially a teenager's -- personal life?

I try to deflect this by saying that her private life is private -- but these same individuals then try and instruct me that I should have a more open dialogue with her about sex.

Miss Manners, my daughter and I have a lovely and communicative relationship, but I have no desire to share this information with nosy outsiders. How can I reply to these outlandish questions in a way that does not hint at any private details while putting an end to this inappropriate line of questioning?

GENTLE READER: These people can hardly wait to lecture you on how naive and old-fashioned you are to object to such questions. And if you try to argue otherwise, this vulgar haranguing will only get worse.

So Miss Manners advises you to startle them by going with the implied accusation of being prudish. This is counterintuitive, she knows, but it works.

Thus you would take on an expression of shock and exclaim, "Are you insulting my daughter?"

This will force them to claim that all young people are sexually active -- and that gives you the chance to say, "Are they really? And they don't even mind if their parents repeat their confidences to anyone who happens to be curious?"

DEAR MISS MANNERS: What is the correct way to address someone who has a terminal illness?

GENTLE READER: As a living human being.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am in second grade and sometimes read your column. Here is my question: Is it ever polite to burp out loud? I was wondering this because my brothers burp a lot, and they say in some cultures it is polite to burp to show that you like the food.

GENTLE READER: Knowing about different cultures is important, and Miss Manners gathers that your brothers have learned that there are other languages of behavior, just as there are other languages that different people speak.

The next lesson is when to use such languages. For example, it would be wonderful if they could speak Japanese. But would they go around speaking it to Americans who did not understand?

There are places where burping is understood to be acceptable. In America, it is considered unfortunate at best, but rude if no attempt is made to control it.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My nephew is getting married. They have a limited budget. Would it be tacky to offer them the cake topper and unity candle from my wedding? I will never use them again and have no children to hand them down to.

GENTLE READER: To offer items for which you have no use because you think the recipients are too hard up to buy their own will not endear you to them. Miss Manners thinks you would get a better reaction by saying that you would be honored if they would use the topper and candle because they mean so much to you.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Is punctuation in text messaging necessary?

GENTLE READER: Onlyifyouwanttobeunderstood

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My employer texted a photo of a woman he's seeing while he was out on a date with her. This isn't the first time it's happened.

I know the woman through him and like her, but it's not like we're family. I don't know if he asked her permission. I feel like there's something manipulative about this behavior, and I don't want to be involved. Any thoughts on how to gracefully handle this uncomfortable situation?

GENTLE READER: There are so many things that are improper about this situation that Miss Manners hardly knows where to start. That your employer may not have asked the subject's permission actually seems the least of his offenses, although still great.

Whatever his ulterior motive with you might be, it is certainly not professional. If you wish to keep the relationship so, try saying, "Oh, you must have accidentally sent your dinner date's picture to me. Did you mean to text me a work question instead?"

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I stayed with my parents for a week during vacation. I moved out years ago and no longer have a room, but stayed in the guest room.

My family took no time off for my visit and made no special efforts to spend time with me, despite the fact it had been years since I had been home, as my job keeps me out of the country.

At the end of the visit, even though it felt as if I was an imposition and not a daughter coming home, I thanked my mother with a massive hug and some flowers, and my father as well, before I left to return overseas.

Months later, my father calls to tell me my mother is angry with me for not sending a thank-you note. I was shocked that this was even an issue. If I were staying with friends or even other family members, yes, I would absolutely write thank-you notes, but to my own parents? For a week visit during which they didn't even make time for me?

This caused a huge rift in the family, and I understand that I could have just written the note, but it's the principle of the matter that I'm their daughter, it wasn't a special occasion and I didn't see the point. Was I wrong in thinking a thank-you note was inappropriate?

GENTLE READER: You are not wrong in thinking that written thanks for going home are not mandatory. Flowers and a hug are an acceptable response after visiting one's own parents.

Forgive Miss Manners for being suspicious, but your family's behavior seems so insensitive and yours so impeccable that she wonders if the family has an additional grievance. That, whatever it is, might be unfair or unwarranted. However, a note that is part thank-you, part inquiry into the reason that your parents are so distant, might pacify your mother and help repair the rift.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)