DEAR MISS MANNERS: My husband and I seem to be at odds regarding the cookies our bank offers to patrons in the lobby.

I say that the cookies are to be enjoyed by patrons while they are there, and I object to my husband’s practice of coming home with four to six each time he visits the bank. When he arrives home, he places them in a plastic baggie and puts them in the freezer to eat throughout the week until the next time he goes to the bank.

GENTLE READER: Cookie plates are meant to be shared, which means that a one-per-customer rule should be observed, even if not posted.

Perhaps your bank feels differently, although as a rule, Miss Manners has observed that banks frown on customers who fill their pockets with whatever happens to be lying around just because it is not currently under lock and key.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: When our nephew celebrated his 10th birthday, my sister-in-law notified my mother-in-law of the date and time of the party about three days prior, and she then passed the information on to us.

My husband’s younger brother inquired separately and was told a different time. He passed that information on to my mother-in-law, who again passed it on to us the day before.

Neither my husband’s older brother nor his wife directly invited us and, feeling it was rude to assume an invitation, we did not attend. Unfortunately, it’s clear that we’ve upset them. In the past, when we’ve assumed we were invited to events, based on a word-of-mouth invite through his parents, it was made clear -- through comments made about not having enough food for everyone -- that we weren’t actually invited. There have also been birthday parties that were strictly meant for our nephew and his friends where we did not receive an invitation.

My husband tried to explain our reasoning, but it doesn’t seem to have cleared up the hard feelings. Were we wrong? Should we have gone anyway?

GENTLE READER: Would you tolerate an acquaintance who expected you to attend events to which you were not properly invited and for which the times changed without advance warning, only to be punished with unpleasant comments when you guessed wrong?

Likely not. But Miss Manners reminds you that, contrary to popular belief, family requires more effort, not less. You must therefore put aside your annoyance and concentrate on clearing up the confusion. Tell your sister-in-law that you are extremely sorry to have missed your nephew’s party and you would appreciate her help in ensuring it does not happen again. You could throw in that you also felt terrible when you attended her cookout, only to discover that you were not invited.

Tell her that if she could relay invitations directly -- rather than going through your mother-in-law -- you would be immensely grateful. And then, because it is family, you will have to start calling and confirming directly if she does not do as you asked.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: When saying hello and goodbye to my friends, I often give them a quick hug. If my friend is with someone else that I do not know well, I would feel awkward giving that person a hug, too.

In that case, is it better to not hug anybody, so that I don’t treat people unequally?

GENTLE READER: Etiquette does not require one to parcel out one’s affections equally, and, Miss Manners hastens to add, social systems that lack a sense of humor -- morality, for example -- actively object to doing so.

The acquaintance merits no more than a handshake, while the friend can be greeted with a handshake or hug as circumstances and inclinations permit.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Every year, after the busiest time in our fairly small professional office, the partners give me (the office manager) a pretty substantial cash gift. I feel that I should write a thank-you note at least, to let them know that I appreciate it.

However, every example of a thank-you note that I can find indicates that I should mention what I plan on using the cash for. I don’t feel that it’s appropriate to tell the people that I work with that I plan to use it for groceries, or to pay off my car loan.

GENTLE READER: Staunch promoter of thank-you notes though she is, Miss Manners uses a different word to describe a cash payment in a professional setting, as opposed to a present given socially.

It is called a salary or, in your case, a bonus. No thank-you note is generally required, but because of the small size of the office and the bonus’s not being automatic or calculated according to previously articulated rules, you may want to send a short, handwritten note.

But unless you have reason to make the point that you need this money for groceries, you should simply express your gratitude.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: How should I respond when people get too curious about why I have a licensed service dog? Too often, I’ll have someone ask exactly what she is trained to do for me. Being a licensed health care professional myself, I usually simply respond, “She was trained for me.”

When they become even more persistent, I usually say, “Are you asking what medical disability I have?” What is a polite comeback rather than saying, “My medical information is federally protected by HIPAA, and you cannot ask about my medical history”?

GENTLE READER: A question about why the person wants to know will be taken as an invitation. And if you make a legal argument, you will inevitably run into a nosy lawyer who is happy to debate whether medical privacy laws apply to private individuals as well as health care providers.

If your questioner fails to stop when you reasonably say that the dog was trained for you, Miss Manners recommends an unambiguous follow-up: that neither you nor your dog cares to discuss it. This may lead to an unpleasant pause, but the rudeness will not be yours.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: You have addressed the situation of invitations where money is solicited to pay for an event that people thought they were being invited to for free. I have the opposite problem.

Every year, my organization sponsors a fundraising dinner. I purchase a table and then invite people I know to attend -- not by purchasing tickets themselves, but as my guests, sitting at my sponsored table.

I have been sending out printed invitations saying, “Mr. and Mrs. (our name) request the pleasure of your company at ...” Although that wording should make it clear that they are being invited as guests, several invitees decline; I find out later that it was because they thought I wanted them to purchase tickets.

The names of the organization and the event leave no doubt but that it is a fundraiser. So how does one word the invitation to make it clear that the guest is invited as just that?

It seems rather crass and insulting to my potential guests to put something like “This is an invitation, not a solicitation to purchase a ticket” on a formal, or even informal, invitation. Should I say something like, “We request the pleasure of your company as our guests”?

GENTLE READER: The problem, Miss Manners suspects, is that charities use the same apparently hospitable wording. They request “the pleasure of your company,” and slip in a little card saying -- surprise! -- that they also expect the pleasure of your money.

Your friends are unfortunately assuming that you are up to the same little trick. So it would be better if you did not mimic the charity’s invitation. You could write “Please come as our guests” on a card with your formal names, or, less formally, say that in a brief letter.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My husband and I disagree about who should announce “hello” when someone comes into the house.

Should the person who comes in the door call out a greeting such as “Hello” or “I’m home”? Or should the people already in the house call out “Hello” when they hear someone?

Or, is it OK for neither to happen, and for all to wait until they actually see each other in the same room, which could be a long time if everyone is just going about their own business?

GENTLE READER: The time-honored exchange is “Honey, I’m home!” and “Is that you?”, each called out at the same moment.

So Miss Manners does not consider this a question of precedence. The object is to prevent the person who is arriving from thinking that the spouse has absconded and the house is empty, and the person remaining at home from thinking that there is a housebreaker afoot.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Is personally delivering an invitation, wedding or otherwise, socially acceptable?

GENTLE READER: It was traditionally considered preferable to avoid the post by sending a footman, as Miss Manners recalls. If you do not happen to have a footman, you may use your own feet.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)