DEAR MISS MANNERS: When I run into someone I have not seen recently, we usually have a little chat that invariably ends with my saying “Nice to see you” and the person saying I should call him/her. This happens with acquaintances, people with whom I have lost contact, even sometimes a person I purposely have not contacted.

I am always at a loss as to how to answer this invitation. Usually I just nod and say I will call, knowing full well that I will not.

Do these people really mean that I should call them? Is there a polite way to respond without lying (I do not like to lie)? If a person actually wants to renew an acquaintance, shouldn’t he/she call me rather than exhorting me to make the call? (I am afraid I am often tempted to say so.) Is there a part of modern communication that I am missing?

GENTLE READER: To answer your questions, in order: No. Yes. Yes. Yes.

Miss Manners realizes it is possible she is overconfident by saying “no,” these people do not want you to call. They may simply be indifferent, and therefore unwilling to expend the minimal energy required to call themselves.

The advantage of short answers is, strangely, their ambiguity: By saying “yes” to a suggestion that you should call, you may be lying, or you may simply be agreeing that, in an ideal world, yes, you should call. What you are missing about modern communication is that while technology has made it easier, human nature has not always made it more desirable. There may be a reason you lost touch.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My son will marry soon after the one-year anniversary of his beloved dad’s death. Instead of the usual guest “favors,” I would like to have small printed cards on the table that say: “In lieu of guest favors, we have made a donation to (CHARITY NAME), (FATHER’S NAME)’s favorite charity.“

I don’t want to dampen our son’s happy day, but I hate to think of celebrating without some thoughtful remembrance of his devoted father.

GENTLE READER: As an opponent of guest favors, other than for single-digit birthday parties, Miss Manners would not mourn their absence. But the “bait and switch” nature of what you propose troubles her: “No swag for you” strikes her as a less gentle way to remind guests of a deceased father than mentioning (FATHER’S NAME) in a toast.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: If the restaurant hostess is leading my wife and me to a table, who should follow behind the hostess, and who should bring up the rear? Not an earthshaking question, just curious what the “rules” say.

GENTLE READER: This being an entrance, at least metaphorically, the rules for passing through a door apply. Ladies first, gentlemen second. Miss Manners notes that the rules allow an exception for particularly crowded restaurants where a lady may require a blocker to clear the way.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: We are sending out electronic invites to our office Christmas party and would like to express that the invitation is for employees only, not guests.

How do we say that politely? Also, we do not want the invitation to be forwarded to other guests.

GENTLE READER: Then hold it during office hours.

In that case, a special invitation is hardly needed, and everyone is present anyway. But once you place it during the employees’ time off, Miss Manners assures you that you will counter legitimate resentment if you define “happy holidays” as extra hours spent away from spouses, partners and children.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My boyfriend and I always have a debate around Christmas and birthdays. I tell him that I want gift cards, because I never know what I want and never need anything, but he INSISTS that a gift card isn’t an acceptable gift. I’m not joking, either; gift cards are less stressful than worrying that I’ll get something I really don’t want.

GENTLE READER: Why do you want to discourage the gentleman from thinking about what might please you? Even if he sometimes guesses wrong, Miss Manners would consider thoughtfulness to be a habit you would want to encourage.

All a gift card really says is, “I know where you shop, so go ahead and do your own thinking there, because only you know how to please yourself.” You can do so later by returning and exchanging.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: So, my best friend got engaged. We share mutual friends, and as we have three other friends getting married this year, we have wedding events (engagement parties, bachelorette parties, weddings) in the next two months.

My birthday is the week before one of the out-of-town weddings (at which all our friends will be in attendance). I wanted to throw a birthday party for myself (since my friends are too busy planning weddings), until my best friend with the wedding asked me if I would be interested in having a joint birthday/engagement party.

I am single and turning 25. I don’t know how to tell my friend that I want one evening about me, even though I know how selfish that sounds. All of the same friends that would be in attendance at the engagement party would be at the birthday party, but that doesn’t include the bride/groom’s family, and anyone else who is part of the wedding and would attend an engagement party.

Am I in the wrong to want to say that I want a party that is about my birthday solely?

GENTLE READER: Well, let us rather say slightly childish.

Miss Manners realizes that adult birthdays have turned into major occasions for “selfie” parties. And for that matter, weddings are also approached with the notion that the guests will serve as an audience to a biopic, rather than as witnesses and celebrants at a ceremony.

If you confess your feelings to your best friend, she might be able to indulge you by changing the date of her party. But if not, weddings take precedence over birthdays -- you will have a birthday every year, whereas we hope your friend will not have multiple weddings.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: A work colleague has posed that we give an impromptu holiday gift to a cleaning staff member in our building. The “minimum donation” is far above what any of us at work feels comfortable giving.

One of us politely let him know that his request borders on extortion, especially given the aggressive nature in which he posed his request (e.g., threats that non-participants will be labeled “anti-immigrant” and “anti-Christmas”).

I don’t disagree with my colleague’s impulse to be generous in the holiday season, but I’m deeply disturbed that he’s perhaps using this act as a way to demonstrate his leadership skills and power in the office.

I’m wondering if there’s an alternate way to express our gratitude to the cleaning staff, rather than through large sums of money.

GENTLE READER: Gratitude to employees is best expressed with money, although the amount must be determined by each contributor.

But Miss Manners assures you that you needn’t worry about your colleague’s leadership skills -- he doesn’t have any. Issuing bills and adding threats is no way to lead people. And to remove any sense of power, you need only ignore this and contribute what you see fit.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am frequently invited to one-on-one lunches by representatives of various alumni and charitable organizations that I donate money to.

While I do try to accommodate these requests, which are essentially fundraising overtures for the organizations, I find myself at a loss as to who should pay the bill.

I’ve always thought that the person extending the invitation should pick up the check, and most of the time they do, but there have been a couple of awkward occasions when my lunch partner left it to me to pay. What’s the correct thing to do here?

GENTLE READER: You can hardly avoid paying if you are left with a silent luncheon partner. But you can resolve not to be caught again.

Miss Manners imagines that the representative justifies this as not adding to the organization’s expenses. But you may equally well justify it by subtracting the amount from your donation.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Every year, my husband and I host a potluck Christmas party in our home. We spend considerable time sending out written invitational flyers and decorating our house.

We ask that everyone RSVP, and many do. However, there are some who do not acknowledge the invitation and do not attend. Others do not acknowledge it, but then they do attend.

With all the various avenues for communication these days (phone, text, email, Facebook message, etc.), do you find it unacceptable that people ignore the RSVP? Should I remove them from the party list?

GENTLE READER: Sure. With those who ignored both the invitation and the party, you’ll achieve the same effect as if you had invited them.

As this is an annual party, Miss Manners assures you that the errant guests will complain that they have not received invitations. Then you can say, “Oh, would you like to attend? My list says you didn’t respond last year, so I didn’t think so.”

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)