DEAR MISS MANNERS: With the advent of current events being headlined via social media, what is the proper way to inform a participant that their information is false, including verification, without this Southern gentleman’s informing said offender that he/she may be the stupidest creature ever to draw breath?

GENTLE READER: Well, not that. No matter how much Southern charm you dress it up in.

If one were to go around correcting and berating everyone who spoke an untruth, one would do little else. And the fact that this behavior is being modeled by people we nevertheless elect to office does not excuse it.

If you wish to shield yourself from lies and propaganda, Miss Manners suggests that you disengage from offensive social media. Doing so provides a much more pleasant existence, and allows you to maintain friendships that might otherwise be dissolved.

If you cannot resist engaging, she would limit you to the occasional response that the offender “might be mistaken,” accompanied by corrected information. But as it is as easy to manufacture and call up incorrect “facts” as correct ones on the internet, do not be surprised if that person comes back for more and the battle continues.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Our family, including three children, are vegetarians. We are not the preachy, whiny kind; we just don’t eat meat. We have a full, fun, colorful, healthy diet of pastas, fruits, veggies, pizzas, bean dishes, etc. Most restaurants these days offer plenty for our family to choose from.

A cousin of mine also has children, and claims they have gluten allergies and lactose intolerance. (These are undiagnosed by a doctor. She just “feels” that’s the case.) Regardless, whenever they are at our home at meal times, I ALWAYS provide gluten-free/lactose-free options. I even baked a separate, gluten/lactose-free birthday cake at my child’s party so their kids could have cake.

When we go to their home, no such courtesy is extended to us. Family cookouts are basically just meat on the grill. No side dishes, not even any buns. Though one time, they did have potatoes.

Is it wrong to expect that when you are invited to a mealtime gathering that there be something you can eat? I can’t IMAGINE being so rude to my own guests.

GENTLE READER: While Miss Manners is sympathetic to your situation, she notes that you began by boasting that you were not the “preachy, whiny kind” of vegetarian. But unfortunately that appears to apply only to situations (your own house, a restaurant) that could easily accommodate you.

Your attention to your cousin’s mere feelings about certain foods (which, Miss Manners reluctantly points out, are also what yours are) is commendable, and it is not unreasonable to assume that your cousin’s family would act in kind. But they have not. So to maintain your low-maintenance status, eat around the choices and, if necessary, fortify before you go. Yes, it might be noticeable, but then it will teach your cousins to provide something of sustenance for you in the future.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My husband has a movement disorder and neurological condition that is only going to get much, much worse. It is clear from things he says (there are “filter” issues) and from his balance issues that he is ill.

Strangers and neighbors bluntly ask what is wrong. I simply say my husband is private about his health, but is there something better I could say? Even firmer? I am getting annoyed, but have been worried about hurting people’s feelings.

When he is rude to strangers in public, it baffles them, hurts their feelings, and humiliates and worries me. My response is to take him out of the public place and get him settled in the car, and then go back and thank the person for their kindness to someone who is clearly ill. Is there a better way?

When we are invited out socially, unless it is by someone who knows us well, I always feel I have to refuse. Is there a polite way to accept an invitation for myself but make it clear he won’t be able to come? I simply cannot enjoy these things if I know he is going to say something horrible to people who are hosting us. As it stands, I simply thank people and refuse. And I would want to reciprocate, but again ... his behavior in our home is unpredictable, so my social life is pretty much shutting down.

GENTLE READER: It is surely small consolation, but the more common filter issue these days is people who are fully capable of controlling their impulses, but choose not to.

Miss Manners does not suggest that you pretend that your husband is one of those people. Rather, it might be a relief for others to hear that, in this case, there is a medical reason for the disorder. She hopes that healthy people do not glom onto similar excuses for their own rudeness.

If versions of “I am afraid that he is not well” (also a perfectly good reason for him to stay home when you are invited out) do not satisfy nosy inquiries, however, you may provide some levity by saying, “It is an unfortunate condition, but at least he is not running for office.”

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I had a sudden allergy attack while waiting for a friend in the lobby of a nice restaurant. A very kind older gentleman saw my situation and offered me his handkerchief. I was very grateful and thanked him through tears and runny nose. Before I gained my composure, he was gone.

I just stuffed the used handkerchief in my purse, but what would be the proper thing to do if this were a person I would be in further contact with? Such as at a dinner party, or on some form of public transportation? Surely I wouldn’t give it back?

GENTLE READER: Yes, but only after assuring the owner that it is being returned in better condition than after it was borrowed.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: When my husband and I eat out, I’ve noticed that at many establishments, both casual and formal, a server greets us with “How are we this evening?” This question is later followed by “How would we like our steak prepared?” and “Would we like some dessert?”

While no doubt servers are likely attempting to create a friendly rapport, I find the use of this pronoun not only grammatically incorrect but also overly familiar. Thus far, I’ve not commented, but it is becoming quite aggravating.

I’m tempted to respond with, “I would like my steak cooked medium-well, but I cannot speak for you.” Am I being overly sensitive? Am I the only one who is bothered by this trend? What is an appropriate response?

GENTLE READER: Such use of the plural is indeed clumsy, overly familiar and ungrammatical. Miss Manners can find no defense for it, even if it lacks the anger and passion with which the pronoun wars over gender are being fought.

But it is also clumsy and overly familiar to attempt to teach proper speaking to people who are only going about their business. Otherwise, one might be tempted to point out that you mean “irritating” and not “aggravating.”

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My mom’s family likes to invite exes to family events and then act innocent, saying they don’t understand why their relatives get upset. This has been going on for 20-plus years.

I have made the decision that I don’t socialize with my mom’s family at all, because I never know who will be in attendance. My ex-husband is invited for Christmas. My dad, who I haven’t seen in about 10 years, was invited to my mom’s family reunion despite the fact that they have been divorced for 40 years (and by the way, he never went to her reunions when they were married). He even brought his wife.

I understand when there is a wedding or funeral, but for holiday events, it seems crazy. I have decided not to associate with any of my mom’s family, and do not regret my decision. I just want them to stop involving my adult kids into trying to guilt me into attending family events.

My daughter is pregnant, and that side of the family is going to have a baby shower for her that I don’t want to attend. She will also have a baby shower thrown by her sister, which I don’t want that part of my family to attend.

Please tell me what to say or do to make this stop. If these people weren’t related, I would never spend any time with them because I feel that they are bad influences on myself and my kids.

GENTLE READER: Without defending your relatives’ behavior, you must continue to minimize their opportunities to amuse themselves at your expense. If you find yourself at events with already-blacklisted relatives, Miss Manners agrees that expanding the list to include inconsiderate hosts may be all that remains. Comments sent through your children can be ignored.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)