DEAR MISS MANNERS: Our cardiology group practice is planning a holiday party for our employees. The proposal is to have a DJ and dance floor. However, the employees’ spouses are not invited.

It seems wrong to me to encourage dancing among co-workers without their spouses present. Am I just old-fashioned? Is this common? I have never been invited to a party with dancing without including spouses.

GENTLE READER: Old-fashioned? Or not paying attention to what is going on in the world right now?

At any time, it would be inhospitable to have an after-hours party -- Miss Manners assumes that you do not plan to dance in the emergency room during the lunch hour -- without inviting spouses and partners. In a period of super-awareness of sexual harassment in the workplace, it would be reckless and foolhardy.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have been under the impression that it is considered in bad taste to bring one’s own infant along when attending a baby shower as a guest, as attention would be diverted from the guest of honor to the infant. I have no problem with that and, frankly, look forward to a little time with only adults.

But what about “gender reveal” parties? I’m not a fan of these parties as a whole, but my close friend is hosting one, so I will attend in support of her growing family. Should I bring my own baby along, or leave him with his grandparents for a few hours?

GENTLE READER: As the friends of expectant mothers may be likely to be young mothers themselves, there is no reason that Miss Manners can see for a general rule banning babies from either showers or gender reveal parties (and she agrees with you about the silliness of the latter). Surely the hostess and guest of honor should decide, keeping in mind whether the guests would be happier not having to find babysitters or getting away for an adult party.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My mother-in-law lives alone. Each year since her first grandchild was born, she has sent out holiday cards with photos of the children. They go to her friends, colleagues and clients, most of whom we don’t know.

She did not consult me or my sister-in-law on this, and I found it odd to receive a card in the mail with a photo of my child on it. Shouldn’t holiday cards represent the people who live in your household?

I would note that I doubt I will take this up with her, as I don’t wish to make things unpleasant, but I would appreciate an etiquette ruling all the same.

GENTLE READER: Etiquette rules are based on moral considerations, one of which is kindness. Therefore, a rule forbidding a grandmother to send out cards picturing her grandchildren is inconceivable to Miss Manners.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: When you receive an invitation to a birthday party and it states that dinner will be $25, are you obligated to buy a gift?

GENTLE READER: As a sponsor of this event, you are one of the hosts. If you want to give yourself a present, Miss Manners has no objection.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: This past Thanksgiving, at the home of the same close friends with whom I have spent the last several Thanksgivings, the host and I began a political discussion between dinner and dessert.

We are at opposite ends of the spectrum, but the discussion was civil. The hostess informed me that other guests were uncomfortable with our discussion. She directed her comments solely to me, not to both her husband and me.

She took me to task in front of the entire party about how it was not good to discuss politics when people do not agree, but her comments also included a long story recounting how representatives of my political side had been rude to her during the recent election. She said point-blank that she did not want her Thanksgiving to be about politics, so the subject of conversation should be changed.

I was so upset by this ungracious treatment that I discreetly left the party a few minutes later. The next day, she called to say she was sorry that I felt the need to leave, but that she has the right to set the subject of conversation in her home. She offered no apology for embarrassing me, but she reiterated that politics were not an appropriate topic of conversation.

I grew up in a politically divided household; my father was a Democrat and my mother was a Republican. There were frequent political discussions, often passionate, but always civil and respectful. My hometown was also a small state capital, so political discussions were always a part of any social gathering.

Have we reached a point in this country where politics can only be discussed with people who share the same views? At parties, must we forego passionate discussions about politics, the arts, religion -- basically all ideas -- and dwell solely on the humdrum gossipy events of people’s daily lives?

Needless to say, I will not attend any future parties at this friend’s home (assuming I’m invited), but should I avoid discussing anything that can be remotely considered controversial when I am at social events?

GENTLE READER: If you and your host were able to discuss your political differences in a calm and civil manner, Miss Manners would consider it a public service.

Mind you, she is aware of the social ban on controversial topics. But that specifically has to do with those who are unable to do so in a respectful manner, which may now include a vast majority of the population.

There is no such exception in the rule against embarrassing one’s guests.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: When I am having guests for afternoon tea, do I use little plates, with the teacups set on top of them, or do I use little plates plus the teacups set on their matching saucers?

GENTLE READER: The cups and saucers are correctly placed on top of the little plates, sometimes with a tiny napkin in between saucer and plate. This is especially convenient for any of your guests who have three hands with which to hold the filled food plate and the saucer while drinking from the teacup.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: After sending us a “save the date” notice for a fall wedding, our nephew called to say that he and his intended were overwhelmed by wedding plans, especially the family pressure to include relatives they scarcely know.

They decided instead to elope to the Southwest. We agreed it was a great plan, and thought no more about it. That is, until learning that what had evolved was actually a destination wedding, complete with a dinner and a reception, to which “close friends and relatives” are invited -- my husband’s sister among them -- though we are not!

I am feeling miffed! Am I out of line?

GENTLE READER: No, just out of favor. While this whole procedure was clearly rude, Miss Manners recommends that you consider yourself lucky -- and that much richer -- for not having spent money on a forced vacation with (apparently distant) relatives. As an added bonus, she permits you to forgo the present that she feels certain will be solicited, and suggests you reward yourself with an actual vacation.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I usually wear my best clothes to a funeral. But at a recent funeral I went to, wearing a posh velvet purple blouse, I was ridiculed and told (in front of everybody) that it was inappropriate and I shouldn’t have worn it.

I now feel insecure in what I want to wear, as well as inferior that my clothing choice was not taken seriously. I am a grown woman and this shouldn’t affect me, but it does. What should I do, Miss Manners? What is suitable attire for a funeral?

GENTLE READER: Black. “Best clothes” does not necessarily mean “poshest and showiest” when it is for a funeral. The point is to look smart, but respectful -- not, Miss Manners warns, to upstage the guest of honor.

Another point is that criticizing other people’s choice of clothing, let alone doing so publicly, is astoundingly rude.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My sister invited my kids and me for dinner at her house. She baked two types of bread: one with raisins and one plain.

We all sat down at the dinner table and she set down both loaves of bread. Her children started eating from the one with raisins, then my children started eating from the plain one. When she saw them doing that, she immediately forbade it. She told them to eat from the raisin one because it had already been eaten into. They responded that they don’t like raisins. She responded, “Eat around them.” Could you imagine any reason that would justify a host forbidding her guests to eat food that she herself served them? One would think the reason she baked two types of bread was so that her guests would have an option. Apparently they didn’t -- or at least my kids didn’t.

GENTLE READER: Next time you attend dinner with your relatives, Miss Manners recommends that you instruct your children to take a long, sad Dickensian pause, look up from their plates and say, “Are we allowed to eat this?”

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)