DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have noticed that after having a tweet go viral, many users leave their cash transaction app addresses below the tweet as a sort of virtual tip jar. I usually leave a tip if I find it funny, as I would at a restaurant with good service.

A friend recently told me he does not tip, no matter how much he enjoys the tweet. I feel like this is rude and devalues comedic expression. He believes that a tweet, regardless of content, probably doesn’t deserve his money. Who is in the right here?

GENTLE READER: Well, it seems that “free speech” is, in fact, dead. What an amusing new twist on that notion.

Miss Manners understands that social media is often used as a platform to try out comedic material. If and when that material is transferred to the stage or page, its authors should be duly compensated. In the meantime, they need not be paid for the rough draft.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: The nephew of one of our family friends came to visit from another part of the country. We are both 15 years old and white. I was surprised that the N-word was a normal part of his vocabulary, but I’ve made no move to stop him from using it, because he didn’t seem to have malicious intent.

It’s his first time away from home, and since he’s our guest, it would be rude to correct him. Were he an adult, I would have no issue telling him how offensive and unacceptable the term is. I feel torn between trying to spare his feelings and trying to spare others’ feelings in the future. I found myself wondering, “What would Miss Manners do?”

GENTLE READER: While it is generous of you to presume the best of your acquaintance, it is impossible to separate the word he is using from its malicious intent. It is inherently meant to offend.

Rather than your age being a hindrance, Miss Manners finds it uniquely suited as a means of peer pressure: “I was taught never to use that word, and I think you will find it’s considered horribly offensive here. Other kids are likely to feel the same, and I would not want you to feel ostracized.” You will thereby be showing him the most infinitesimal glimpse of the feeling he has clearly heretofore been imparting on others.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: When someone asks for a recipe that I do not want to share, what should I say? The requested recipe is one I have been cooking for 50 years. Living in a small town, I’m afraid that “my” recipe will make the rounds and no longer be associated with me. After a person compliments a hostess for a particular dish, why can’t that person wait for the hostess to offer to share the recipe?

GENTLE READER: “Well, if I share it with you, then I will no longer have the pleasure of luring you back for more.”

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I met with an old friend, a lady I had not seen for many years. I knew that her former spouse had dumped her for a younger woman a few years ago, after about 50 years of marriage.

His name came up in our conversation, and I learned that he died last winter. I automatically expressed my regret and said that I was sorry.

She looked as though her wish was that he was in some particular corner of hell. I apologized for saying anything, and let it go at that.

How should one respond in such a situation? Having never met her ex, I could not really express an opinion about him or his treatment of her.

GENTLE READER: Your behavior having been correct, Miss Manners only hopes that your friend will read this answer, as your exchange will not be the last time your friend hears condolences for a man whom she is evidently now happy to have seen go.

Because ex-spouses often have trouble gauging their own feelings about the death of a former partner, even close friends may be at a loss for what to say. The answer is a neutral expression of regret. The proper answer is “thank you,” with a sad look if the regret is shared, or a tight lip and change of subject if it is not.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My aunt texted me and said her company was looking to hire new people, and that she had me in mind for a position. She told me to submit a resume directly to her, and she would put in a good word.

While I appreciate it, I am simply not interested. My current job doesn’t have great benefits, but I love it, and as of right now, I am definitely not looking for a new one.

I don’t know how to tell her this; I am afraid she will be offended or won’t want to reach out in the future. Or worse yet, she won’t take no for an answer (she can be a bit harsh). How do I handle this in an appropriate way?

GENTLE READER: Anticipating -- and avoiding -- unwanted consequences is an admirable trait, but as etiquette most often deals in the here-and-now, it is sometimes a bit nearsighted.

Before dealing with the distant problem of turning down a job offer your aunt’s company has not made -- or the middle-ground problem of a rude rejoinder your aunt has not made -- we must first solve the immediate problem. That is accomplished by saying that you are flattered she thought you would be a good fit, and that you would be happy to hear about such things in the future -- but at the moment, you are more than content with your present job.

No reasonable person would find this offensive. How to answer the unreasonable person who does object is not something Miss Manners can provide without knowing the form the offense takes. The aunt who pouts at you from across the room at the next family birthday party should be gently ignored, while the more vociferous one will require more active measures.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Sometimes at work, colleagues will ask me to review an important document they have written. They are seeking my input on the content, not the grammar.

However, I often find grammatical errors. I’m no expert, but I do have a background in journalism and have been trained to find grammatical mistakes. If the error is glaring, such as accidentally omitting a word, I will point it out. But if the error is small, or one that few people would even recognize as an mistake, I don’t mention it. After all, I don’t want to be that obnoxious, nitpicking co-worker.

Nonetheless, I wonder if it would be better to make the corrections to help my colleagues, even though I may come off as intolerable.

GENTLE READER: “Nitpicking” has gotten a bad name. Like the word “literal,” people have grown so accustomed to using it figuratively that they have forgotten the literal meaning, which is to remove the nits -- lice eggs -- from someone’s hair.

A child with lice should be grateful for a nitpicking parent (and if they are not, their teachers and the other parents surely are).

Similarly, a colleague who requests the services of a copy editor should be grateful when that person identifies potentially embarrassing mistakes, large or small.

Miss Manners recognizes, without accepting, that an ability to write clearly and grammatically is considered either elitist or beneath contempt. (Could we at least decide which?) She therefore makes no objection if you return the edited document with a disclaimer that you’re sorry about the grammar changes and hope they will be useful -- you just couldn’t help yourself.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Several weeks ago, my wife and I enjoyed a meal at one of our favorite restaurants. She ordered filet mignon, but was brought prime rib. We did not object, but at the end of the meal, we pointed out the error to the wait staff.

We did not expect a refund. My wife thought it inappropriate to complain at the end of the meal.

Several weeks later, at a different restaurant, I ordered a rare tuna steak. It came out well done, but I did not send it back. In the past, I have sent back a martini if it was not made right.

I have come to think that it is more rude than discriminating to send something back. (Yes, I have had some “too wet” martinis, and endured.) Any thoughts on appropriate behavior in these situations?

GENTLE READER: As a paying customer, objecting to a genuine mistake, at the time it is discovered, is not impolite. It becomes so when the mistake is past remedy (you ate it two courses back and the price was not materially different); or is more a matter of preference than fact (the order is what it was stated to be, but not what you expected); or is reported in a belligerent or sarcastic manner.

Miss Manners is unable to gauge the level of suffering caused by a wet martini, but recognizes that saying nothing about a minor mishap can be the kinder course.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)