DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have always understood that it is not polite to place a handbag or clutch on the dinner table. I’ve been told to put it behind my back on the chair, or in my lap under the napkin.

However, I am going to a black tie dinner dance soon, and I would like to carry a vintage bag that was left to me by an elderly relative. It is very beautiful, and very delicate. It is shaped like an animal, somewhat rounded and with a flat base to sit on a flat surface.

When I experimented with placing it on my lap, it rolled off. There is no chance that I will put it on the floor. I think I can just manage to trap it on my lap at dinner, but what do I do when dancing commences?

GENTLE READER: Place it on your chair and hope that you are in an honest crowd. If you suspect otherwise, you might hold it in your left hand, behind the shoulders of your dancing partner, trying not to bounce it against him as you dance.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: What is the proper thing to do with people who don’t send back greeting cards?

We sent out over 50 cards last year, and only got 15 or so back. I know they cost money and a lot of time and, like me, are getting old-fashioned really quick, but should I be offended? I imagine the proper thing to do is to send them out just for the joy of the season.

GENTLE READER: As you realize, sending paper cards is a declining habit, now that there are easier forms of informal communication. (And annoying ones, such as electronic cards, which take up time and space on your computer.)

So before your declare yourself offended, Miss Manners urges you to put aside the question of how your correspondents react. The real issue is whether they keep in touch in some form. Do they ever call? Do they write -- perhaps in some way that you do not check, in which case you should inform them that you do not use social media (or whatever)?

If they are never in touch, you should realize that this has been a perfunctory relationship, hardly worth salvaging. But if you do hear from them, even once a year, as you apparently used to, you could keep up the tie with whatever means you each prefer.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: How long a dress is appropriate for “evening dress”? I have researched online and have found conflicting answers.

GENTLE READER: Indeed. As you will find at any formal event.

Traditionally, there were two types of evening dresses: dinner dresses, which have sleeves and long, straight skirts, and ball dresses, which lack sleeves but have big, long skirts to swish around the dance floor. Either may reveal a shocking amount of bosom.

But a lot has happened since then, such as “le smoking,” which is a female adaptation of gentlemen’s evening clothes, and the short dress made so elaborate or revealing that it could not possibly pass for a day dress. Miss Manners concedes that either can pass.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I’m struggling with how to respond to my co-workers this holiday season when they complain about how busy they are. While I appreciate that some people really do get overwhelmed for reasons beyond their control, far too often it’s passive-aggressive bragging about all the family and friends they have.

Meanwhile, some of us have no family besides a parent in a nursing home who’s losing touch with reality. And I know some people have less than that. It can be a very lonely time for some. But it’s not really in the holiday spirit to get snarky because I’m feeling sorry for myself!

GENTLE READER: Unfortunately, many of those busy people are not as joyous as you assume. From what they tell Miss Manners, they are over-burdened with the unrealistic expectations of others -- and often of themselves. And after the holidays, many will be bitterly reporting the misbehavior of that jolly circle of family and friends.

Miss Manners does not mention this to comfort you. Indeed, if you keep comparing your life to others’, you will always be dissatisfied, no matter what your circumstances. The proper way to respond to your busy co-workers is cheerfully to wish them well. And try to mean it. If you begrudge the happiness of others, you will violate not only the holiday spirit, but your own spirit of humanity.

Meanwhile, the classic antidotes for holiday blues are either to take the time that you are not spending on the chores of which others complain to indulge yourself, or to distract yourself by helping the less fortunate. For restoring a sense of self-satisfaction, Miss Manners recommends the latter (with perhaps a touch of the former).

P.S. Yes, Miss Manners knows that any other columnist would diagnose depression and tell you to seek treatment. Aside from the fact that she doesn’t practice medicine, (and wouldn’t diagnose from afar if she did), she believes that emotional reactions to the vicissitudes of life are not always some form of illness, and can commonly be dealt with.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My uncle is getting married on New Year’s Eve. This is his fourth wedding, and his fiancee’s fourth wedding as well. I am divorced and this is my year to celebrate New Year’s with my kids.

The wedding is adults-only, so I cannot bring them. I declined the invitation, saying I’m sorry I cannot make it but I wish them well. My mother feels that I should attend the wedding, but I would rather celebrate the new year with my kids. Am I wrong for declining the invitation to my uncle’s wedding?

GENTLE READER: We all hope that your uncle and his bride have found happiness at last. But while the hopes of the couple themselves may rise with each such occasion, those of well-wishers tend to decline. Seeing a fresh couple pledge their lives, and even seeing a somewhat wounded couple having recovered enough to try again, is presumably rewarding. Sitting there thinking, “Well, this one better take,” is less so.

So while Miss Manners supports you, she leaves you to convince your mother that while the wedding is a family occasion, so is New Year’s Eve with your children.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My husband’s siblings agreed that my husband could have their father’s home -- since he is the one who stayed in town to take care of his elderly parents -- as long as they could stay at the house when they come to see their father, who is in a nursing home.

We usually take a vacation during their visits, as we can’t get away otherwise; we don’t want to leave him without regular visitors at the nursing home. Before the in-laws arrive, I clean my entire house and stock the refrigerator with homemade casseroles, snacks and drinks, and prepare dinners for when we are home with them.

When we returned from our last trip, you’d have thought someone had ransacked our home. They left crumbs, cups and dishes all over the house and spilled things all over the kitchen counters, stove and floors. One of them left her used adult diapers in a plastic bag on the bathroom floor. They even unplugged our freezer and didn’t plug it back in properly, and we had to throw away hundreds of dollars in food.

I spent four days after work trying to get things back in shape. I was an emotional wreck, and hurt that they were so disrespectful to me. My husband said this is how they live, and because they let us have the house, we have to put up with it. What do you think?

GENTLE READER: That it would be less expensive to buy a new house.

Miss Manners is reluctant to say it, but if moving is not an option, you may have to hold out until the house is officially bequeathed to you, if and when that happens. At that point, it will be your decision whether you want to invite them to stay with you or not.

In the meantime, you may say, “I know that we all have sentimental attachment to this home, so I think that it’s in all of our best interests to keep it in the best shape possible.” One can only hope that the prospect of being its future owners will motivate them to treat it more kindly.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I ran into a friend from high school who I had not seen in many years. His wife had recently died (tragically, by suicide).

Normally, I would have approached the friend and said, “Hey, Mark. Good to see you again. How have you been?” That would not have been appropriate in this situation. What would have been the best way to greet him and then express my condolences?

GENTLE READER: “How have you been?” would have been fine, if said in a sympathetic tone. Then you could have said how sorry you were.

But condolence letters express the sentiments that may be more difficult to do in person, and you can still send him one. Then when you see him next, you may inquire about his health in the normal fashion.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)