DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have a baby shower scheduled for my daughter’s first child. The plans are made, the invitations are sent, and the money has been spent on the venue.

However, my mother (the mom-to-be’s grandmother) suddenly took gravely ill, and is likely to pass within the next few days. What should I do?! Cancel, since the family probably won’t really feel like celebrating, and hope for a refund? Or continue as planned?

My gut is telling me to cancel or postpone it, but by now, the venue will be fully booked through the season, and the baby is due in a little over a month. I suppose we could change it to a meet-the-baby shower soon after she’s born, which could be even more fun. But I’m wondering: What is the proper etiquette in such a situation?

GENTLE READER: Losing the deposit -- and possibly scrambling later to find a new venue -- is preferable to being thought heartless. After all, Hamlet is still angry that his mother used the leftover food from her first husband’s funeral at her second wedding.

Miss Manners realizes that, in that case, a delay would not have improved Hamlet’s outlook, but it would have given the other guests less to gossip about.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am wondering, how does one politely salt their food without offending the chef and/or their host?

It seems to me that if it’s salted immediately after it’s served, before even being tasted, the diner does not trust the chef to season the food properly. On the other hand, if the diner salts the food after having tasted it, it still seems an insult to the chef, as it appears the food was not seasoned properly or to the diner’s taste.

I do not salt my food, out of personal preference and not having grown up with salt and pepper shakers on the table. My husband, on the other hand, salts everything, even if it’s already a fairly salty or well-seasoned dish. What is proper salt etiquette?

GENTLE READER: Cooks sometimes being a temperamental lot, Miss Manners cannot say what will give offense, only when etiquette will support their umbrage.

A diner is always free to apply condiments that have been provided, although she understands why applying them before tasting could be taken as criticism -- a good reason for chefs not to stare at others’ plates.

One can go further at commercial establishments -- where one is purchasing a product, not benefiting from someone’s hospitality -- and ask for condiments common to the region. The fiction being maintained on both sides is that a moderate application is meant to accent, not alter, the dish, which means keeping the number and quantity of additions within reason.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am not part of “society,” as it is known, but I was confused after reading a recent letter. It was from a young lady who was confused to see men in morning wear at an evening wedding.

I always thought the purpose of attending a wedding was to enjoy the launching of a couple on the sea of matrimony, not to critique the adornment of the attendees. Have I had it wrong all these 81 years?

GENTLE READER: Can one not do both?

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am a very private person and have had issues with stalkers in the past. I am not on any social media, nor do I want to be.

So when the usual, casual, get-to-know-you questions are asked in a social setting, I lie or tell half-truths about where I live and work. And I give my nickname instead of my legal name, or any other identifiable information.

I think it is much better to just make up this info than to say, “I’m not going to tell you.” I have zero intention of explaining my painful past, and anyway, why does some random person need to know?!

My sister thinks this is a terrible idea and thinks I should just politely tell them I don’t want to give out that information. What do you think is the best way to answer these types of social questions?

GENTLE READER: First, let us clarify your own question. You seem to be asking how to behave at getting-to-know-you gatherings when you don’t want anyone to get to know you. In that case, why attend?

It is not that Miss Manners believes that you are required to give your address to strangers. Even without your unfortunate experience, that seems unwise. It is also unnecessary.

But you have to give them something with which to start a conversation. And the none-of-your-business dismissal your sister suggests is not going to do it. Nor should you be lying.

But for that matter, bare facts, even if you were willing to provide them, would not serve the purpose, either.

You should use those questions to provide information you don’t mind sharing: “I live in town, but I have a tiny patch of land because I love to garden. Do you?” Or “Oh, I just work to support my tennis habit. Do you play?”

DEAR MISS MANNERS: We frequently have my sister-in-law’s family over for family dinners. She and her husband have always allowed their 12-year-old son to choose not to eat any vegetables, and almost no fruit. He refuses to eat them because “he doesn’t like them.” This has gone on his entire life.

At Thanksgiving dinner, he will eat a small amount of turkey and probably several rolls. Dessert is always allowed, which he eats in full. This is bothersome not only to my wife and me, but to her other sisters and extended family members, also.

When they are at our house as our guests, are we on any valid ground to insist the kid eat a couple of green beans or carrots and some potatoes?

GENTLE READER: No. In fact, double no, because you should not attempt to train other people’s children unless specifically authorized to do so, and you should not be monitoring what any of your guests eat.

You will, of course, protest that the child is a relative and that you are concerned for his health. That is a topic that can be raised only by a relative who is on confidential terms with the parents and can do so without criticism of their child-rearing -- and far away from the dinner table.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: A friend of mine asked me to join her and another friend in starting a podcast. This was about 10 months ago. I did join, somewhat reluctantly.

I told them in the beginning that I did not like discussing my private life on a global platform. Eventually, I started becoming irritated with my friend, which led to my leaving the podcast abruptly, via text.

She was upset with me and I think we are no longer friends. I did apologize, via text, that I was sorry for the way I handled the situation. To be frank, I think I should not have started the podcast in the first place.

But anyway, if I come across this friend in social circles -- we have some friends in common, who occasionally go out to dinner together -- what should I do? Should I approach her and smile, as if nothing happened? Should I cower in the corner, afraid she will throw a drink in my face? Should I pull her aside and say “Look, I just want to make sure we are OK”? Should I wait for her to make the first move?

And what do I tell our mutual friends? I am worried they will choose sides, as people often do in situations like this. Should I try to get them to see my side, or just not bring it up?

GENTLE READER: Public feuds are not much fun, so Miss Manners would advise you not to start one. Especially as you are the one who abruptly walked out, and thus unlikely to inspire sympathy. Apologizing by text is minimal for leaving someone in the lurch.

So not only should you avoid starting a scene, but you should be careful not to provoke one from your former friend. The demeanor to follow is Proceed With Caution. Greet her pleasantly, but be prepared to back away if she is cold to you.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am attending a bridal shower for which the bride is registered online. The request is to directly ship gifts to the couple, as they are intending to move, and would like to pick the shipping date of the gifts.

Because I am sending the gift to their home, what do I bring to the shower? A card? A gadget for their kitchen or tool kit? Nothing? Is it appropriate to walk in empty-handed? That seems a little weird.

GENTLE READER: If people are going to insist on taking all of the spontaneity out of present-giving not only by dictating the merchandise, but also by setting its timeline and means of delivery, Miss Manners can hardly muster sympathy for them when their guests obey their rules and show up empty-handed.

Miss Manners realizes that this couple is probably not deserving of her wrath -- and that they are merely being practical. But since “practical” is what has led others like them to register for everything from mortgages to funeral plots, she is rapidly running out of patience.

A card with a heartfelt note would be lovely. (But do not be insulted if you witness them shaking it down to see if there is a check inside.)

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)