DEAR MISS MANNERS: I was trained, at the earliest possible age, that when exiting an elevator, my role as a male is to hold the door open in order to allow all female and elderly passengers to exit before me.

How would you propose my handling the situation where the lone woman in the elevator is standing with her back up against the wall with her face buried in her phone, oblivious to the fact that the elevator has arrived at its destination?

I have tried two approaches, both unsuccessful. Approach 1: I stand there holding the door open indefinitely, with the hope that she will notice that it’s time to exit the elevator. I have often stood there for a long time without any reaction. That leads me to attempt Approach 2: I say, “Excuse me, the elevator has arrived at the lobby.”

This has been met every single time with an annoyed response from the woman, who then takes her time to finish up her text message and huffs out the door. Neither approach is working.

GENTLE READER: Your duty is to enable the lady to disembark, not to make sure that she does. Just as you would not hold the door indefinitely for someone you know is getting off at a different floor, the lady in question can be abandoned after a reasonable pause.

Miss Manners realizes that this robs you of the pleasure of seeing her annoyance when she realizes that she has missed her floor, but it gets you on your way.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: When I was a kid, I was teased all the time about how tall I was. I didn’t know how to handle it, and just stayed quiet.

Well, after decades of not having to deal with it anymore, the other day, an elderly woman teased me about it. I don’t think she meant anything cruel by it, but it took me aback.

I didn’t know what to say. Is there some way of nicely saying that I don’t appreciate any comments about my height?

GENTLE READER: One of the benefits of growing up is an increasing sensitivity to the feelings of others and a diminishing sensitivity to their opinions. Unpleasant as it is to be reminded of the teasing of school days, Miss Manners hopes you can laugh off this rudeness. But, if not, a stern, silent look should be enough to demonstrate your displeasure.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: If an adult child is estranged from parents and one parent were to pass, how should that child be acknowledged in an obituary?

In this case there are three adult children but one has “left the fold.” There was a gradual exodus, but it is presently a complete estrangement, and I was thinking of other families who might be experiencing a similar situation.

GENTLE READER: The mention of children in obituaries is usually limited to a factual list of names. Those facts, Miss Manners notes, have not changed. And an obituary hardly seems the time to rehash old disagreements.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Every year around this time, I find loads of people, online and off, arguing that gift cards are thoughtless gifts. I’m sick and tired of this debate and would like it to stop.

If a gift card is bought at a place someone actually shops at, I don’t see how it could possibly be thoughtless. Especially if it’s a store the giver themselves would normally not step foot in. For instance, there are stores that I despise, but if the person I’m getting the gift for loves them, then by gum, I’ll get them a gift card there and not force my favorite stores on them.

So-called “real” gifts can be incredibly thoughtless. The shirt that is too small to encourage the receiver to lose weight, for example. I’ve had many people give me things they know I hate, such as CDs of singers I would never listen to or DVDs of movies I’ve already said I cannot stand, and they try to bully and force me to like them. I’d much rather have a gift card, thank you.

People also need to consider that not everyone can spend hours shopping for the perfect gift. My mother, who is disabled, finally realized that it was just better to give gift cards because she can’t get around like she used to and many salespeople treat her terribly, simply because she’s in a wheelchair. One even made her cry after being extremely high-pressure while treating her as less than human.

So can we PLEASE put an end to this fight once and for all? Gift cards are not thoughtless -- unless you get it for a store the receiver hates, but you love.

GENTLE READER: What an appalling amount of nastiness you have experienced in connection with the supposedly kindly practice of exchanging presents.

Must you keep up the custom with horrid people who delight in giving you things you hate? Was that unspeakable clerk who insulted your mother reported to her superiors?

And now can we talk calmly about gift cards?

Yes, they are minimally more thoughtful than outright cash. But all you have done is to limit where the amount can be spent -- and sometimes when, because those cards may have expiration dates. Industry reports show that many go unused.

But Miss Manners wants to be helpful to you, and there are other options. It seems unlikely that you would know people’s shopping habits without knowing anything more important about them. It is only a small leap, then, to choosing something that might please each one -- and that is likely returnable, in case not. That is what thoughtfulness means.

Miss Manners would like to see more thoughtfulness applied to your mother’s situation. Can you help her shop, perhaps online? Can you and her other usual recipients acknowledge her situation to the extent of continuing to give her (thoughtful) presents while discouraging her from sending anything other than her good wishes?

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Is it presumptuous of me, as a retired, tenured professor, to use “emeritus” in my signatures?

GENTLE READER: Not in correspondence connected with your academic work. In a text to the pizza delivery service, yes.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am writing in defense of e-cards for the Christmas holiday. People say they are impersonal, but I disagree. I write everyone’s name on their email, and I write a short message to everyone.

While I will never complain about what form of communication my friends choose to use, I find most holiday cards have nothing written on them, let alone a personal greeting, and most have printed labels, so the writer has hardly even given the recipient a thought.

I enjoy writing an email to accompany my e-card, and thinking of that person and my memories of them. Because e-cards are less expensive, and there is no postage, I am able to keep my list as large as I want it, without having to cut anyone when finances are tight. My greeting can be printed if the recipient wishes, or just read, enjoyed and deleted, which is perfect, too.

GENTLE READER: You are in for a disappointment if you expect Miss Manners to argue that the form is more important than the content in regard to something as informal as Christmas greetings.

The paper Christmas card can be charming, but not if it lacks the point, which is to show people whom you rarely see that you still think of them. Cards that contain only a signature or, Miss Manners will argue, a family photograph, without reference to the recipient, are not charming. And there are those who persist in addressing them to people they barely remember.

So your method of writing something personal is fine -- provided your e-cards are not the animated sort that take up time and space on the computer, annoying grouches like Miss Manners.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have guests coming for the Christmas holidays: two adults and one child. We have a guest room, which they have used before, but this time my husband thinks we should give up the master bedroom for them, since the child is a little older. Both rooms have their own bathrooms and plenty of closet space. The only difference is that one has a queen-sized bed and the other a king.

GENTLE READER: Don’t you want to invest in a futon for the guest room?

Miss Manners only asks because while it might be difficult to cram two adults and a large child into either the smaller or the larger bed, it might also be difficult for you and your husband not to grow resentful when you are kept out of your room.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have been a widow for seven years. While starting a new job search, I was asked if I was Mrs., Ms., etc. I chose Mrs.

I am just curious if that is correct. A friend recently remarked, “You still are married.”

GENTLE READER: Your friend has not paid attention to the marriage service. The state of modern marriage notwithstanding, it generally specifies “until death do you part.”

That is not to say that the widowed may not consider themselves still emotionally joined, and prefer to use Mrs. socially. But that has no place in the business world, where Ms. is the best choice because marital status should be irrelevant.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)