DEAR MISS MANNERS: When should I stop correcting my daughter's manners?

She is now 18, and when we are together in public or in private, I sometimes correct her (gently and discreetly, of course). I hate to do this, as I feel it is rude to notice aloud another's manners, but on the other hand, I feel it is my duty to remind my daughter how important it is to treat others with politeness. She doesn't seem to mind and sometimes even thanks me for reminding or teaching her.

You may be thinking that if the girl has not learned by age 18 how to behave, then it is a little late. She is very well-mannered generally, and I am proud of her. But since she spends most of her time with her peers, who have not been brought up as she has, she falls into bad habits, and I would like to take advantage of our brief times together to rub off on her in a good way.

Is setting an example the best way now, or would I be doing her a disservice by not reminding her?

GENTLE READER: One is never too old to be mothered -- and teaching etiquette is part of the job description. Miss Manners finds setting an example, along with gentle, discreet reminders, proper.

If your daughter is receptive to, and even grateful for, your help, why question it? Particularly as she is at an age where she may soon be seeking employment and more formal social situations, she will appreciate the efforts even more when her impeccable manners put her in a far better position than her apparently lackluster peers.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I live in a townhouse condo complex. An elderly gentleman lives next door. Each day, when he walks to get his mail, he feels the need to shout through my front window whether the mail is here or not. If it's not about the mail, he'll just shout a pleasantry. Loudly. I realize he has difficulty walking, and doesn't like to climb my front steps, but I find it very annoying to be shouted at -- not to mention, he has woken me up several times. Please tell me how I can discourage this neighbor from shouting at me each day without sounding mean-spirited?

GENTLE READER: Honesty is not, Miss Manners believes, always the best policy, but sometimes it can be both useful and polite. Next time you see the gentleman, thank him sincerely for his solicitousness, but explain that as you -- and perhaps some of the neighbors -- tend to sleep late, you would be even more grateful if he could remember that before shouting.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: What is the appropriate dress for the step-mother of the bride to wear to the wedding?

GENTLE READER: Anything that does not upstage the mother.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: When my wife and I hosted some family members, one of our female guests took it upon herself to go through our pantry and select every item that was past its "sell by" or "best by" date. She then proceeded to pour the contents into our garbage disposal and toss the containers in our recycling bin.

We have some other friends who experienced the same thing when they hosted a family member recently. We are over 65, as are our friends. I'm sure these women think they are doing us a favor, but most of the discarded items were condiments, and I have never gotten sick from a "bad" condiment.

Has it become commonplace for family members to go through an elderly person's pantry or refrigerator and toss expired items without their consent?

GENTLE READER: Certainly. And while they are at it, they might chuck out any family members they deem similarly past their prime.

Miss Manners suggests that you do your best to keep these helpful guests out of the kitchen -- or give them a quick, dramatic scream upon finding any food that was unceremoniously tossed out by them. They might concede that your stunned reaction is far worse for your health than the consumption of any recently expired items.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Our focus in our school building is to learn people's names and call them by their correct name -- students by first name and adults by Mrs., Mr., Miss, etc.

We have a colleague who calls everyone ma'am or sir. I find it offensive that he continually asks students to say, "Yes, ma'am" and "No, ma'am" to all of the women in the building, yet we have asked him not to.

As the school principal, I want him to stop -- it seems impersonal and offensive in our setting -- especially since we are focused on calling all of our students by their correct names. I would love to know if I am out of line with this request!

GENTLE READER: Insisting that school policy be followed is one of the prerogatives -- and one of the burdens -- of being the boss. But while a school is not a democracy, it is certainly easier to enforce a policy for which you have community support. Miss Manners uses "community" to refer to faculty and possibly students. Including parents in the discussion may erode your current, enviable position of having only a single holdout.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My husband and I live in an East Coast city in which many conferences and conventions are held. Due to social media, acquaintances from college or graduate school over 40 years ago who come to town for business or pleasure often contact us and ask us to meet them for dinner or other events.

Many of these contacts are people whom we barely know and with whom we have little in common. The invitation is usually, “I will be in town from Monday through Saturday; which day is best for you to meet me/us for dinner?”

GENTLE READER: “I am afraid that this week does not work for us, but please let us know how you enjoy our city.”

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: A few years ago, we bought an old house Dracula wouldn't have been willing to live in, tore it down, and replaced it with a spiffy modern house. The next-door neighbors were enraged at this and did their best to block our plans. When that failed, they continually called the city to complain about the inconvenience to themselves of our project.

Now we are done, and these same neighbors have embarked on an extensive renovation project. They are doing the same things they complained about us doing: starting work too early, storing materials in the street, workers playing loud music, and so on.

I don't want to be difficult the way they were, but I can't help wanting to ask them why this is OK when they do it. Yet I also realize saying this would make a bad situation worse.

GENTLE READER: Tell your neighbors that you completely understand, from experience, that neighbors get upset because sometimes homeowners do not realize that workers are being inconsiderate -- but could they please ask the contractor not to block the driveway?

Miss Manners does not promise this will be effective; the only guaranteed solution is to wait it out. But it may embarrass them. And even if it does not, it will be satisfying to demonstrate how a good neighbor behaves.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: An elderly friend has given us a gift, in appreciation for things we've done for him over the years, of two ivory bracelets he bought at a craft fair. We do not want to wear these because of the ivory problem. We cannot give them to a charity for a "white elephant" (yes, we note the irony) sale because it's illegal to sell ivory with no authentication of its being acquired pre-1976. So the charity would be stuck with it, even though we would no longer have to worry about it. What can we ethically do with this gift?

GENTLE READER: Put it in the closet. Miss Manners realizes this is tantamount to sticking the children with it in the distant future, but one problem at a time.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)