DEAR MISS MANNERS: When out in public, how can you politely ask people to keep their social distance?

GENTLE READER: By treating it as a common problem, rather than showing offense at being encroached upon. Rather than “Back off,” Miss Manners recommends, “I think we had better keep farther apart.”

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am the mother of three children, and spend a great deal of time interacting on their behalf with other adults -- teachers, administrators, doctors, receptionists, etc. -- who invariably address me as “Mom.” As in, “Mom can fill out this form,” or, “What do you think, Mom?” (For context, even my children are not allowed to address me as “Mom” -- in our house, it is “Mama” among the family, and “my mother” to everyone else.)

Possibly I’m betraying my age, but a professional addressing a grown person with a generic title seems lazy and disrespectful. I am a real person with a name and an honorific; I wouldn’t address them as “Doc” or “Teach.” I’ve often responded with, “You may call me Mrs. X.,” but have to admit it sounds a little snotty. Do you have any better suggestions?

GENTLE READER: The best response is still that used by Miss Manners’ own dear mother decades ago: “If I were your mother, I’m sure that I would remember.” Unspoken was the thought, “... and you would have been taught better manners.”

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My mom is terminally ill, but not contagious. I’m pregnant with her first grandchild. I’ve agreed to let my aunt and best friend throw an early baby shower so that my mom gets to celebrate the baby. There’s a chance she won’t be around when the baby is born, and I live far from my hometown.

I really don’t care about the presents; I just want everybody to show up so my mom has a great party. We’re inviting almost as many of her friends as mine.

If I were throwing it, I’d put a “Your presence is our present” type of message on the invitation. Since I’m not, I’m staying out of any planning.

Is there a polite way to communicate to some of my cousins, who are regularly flaky, that it’s REALLY important to me that they show up for my mom without making it sound like I want their gifts?

GENTLE READER: Of course. Who could deny your mother this pleasure? All Miss Manners asks is that you get rid of that word “shower.”

Showers are, by definition, centered around presents. But because people do so little entertaining nowadays, they don’t seem to understand that parties do not need names. Nor do you need to offer the sad explanation to your mother’s friends and relatives, who must already know.

It is enough -- and more flattering to your guests -- to say that you will be in town visiting your mother, and both she and you are particularly eager to see everyone before you are grounded with the baby.

Besides, that way you will not require your aunt to break the rule against giving showers for one’s relatives.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Have you thought of making an exception to the rule for mailed thank-you notes during this period, when the government wants us to be cautious about the spread of the COVID-19 virus?

Many who embrace strict rules of etiquette are seniors. A well-timed email thank-you note exception might save lives.

GENTLE READER: Electronics have been of incalculable benefit to all who are sequestered in their homes. As difficult as the present situation is, imagine what it would be like if we were closed off from medical news and from virtual contact with relatives and friends.

But congratulations on a novel excuse for not writing letters. Miss Manners has received countless such excuses, but yours is the first to declare it a health risk.

She would like to see authoritative public health statistics indicating that paper mail is so lethal that lives would be saved if it ceased. Should that be true, it would surely apply also to the home deliveries that have become a crucial substitute for going out to buy necessities.

She asks you also to consider the psychological toll of social distancing: loneliness for some, overcrowding for others -- and for all, the sudden lack of connectedness when the welcome human touch ceases.

Handwritten letters may seem anachronistic when so many other forms of communication are available, but they are more personal. For most messages, ease and speed make electronic methods preferable. But when expressing deep emotion, such as gratitude and condolences, the labor of writing with one’s own hand shows that thought and care were considered even more important.

Try to imagine the house-bound person, whose inbox and messaging apps are crammed with advertisements, schemes and cancellations, plus bragging and complaining from hardly known people, and whose paper mail is all asking to buy or to give.

But there, too, is an envelope with the actual handwriting of someone who seems truly grateful for a present given or a favor done. It indicates that kindness is appreciated. Don’t we need some of that?

But Miss Manners is willing to make some concessions. Do not lick the envelope; use water and a sponge. And do not -- repeat: not -- plant a kiss on the paper.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Is it acceptable to take medicine in the family room with my girlfriend present?

GENTLE READER: How is the medicine administered? Do you need the lady’s help in taking it? Or has she just reminded you to take it, and you want to prove to her that you are doing so?

Is there any possibility that she is squeamish?

Miss Manners cannot know the degree of intimacy that prevails at your house. So just one final question: How much effort is it to go to a bathroom?

DEAR MISS MANNERS: When sending an unexpected gift, should you tell the person to check the mail, or wait until they respond?

GENTLE READER: Unfortunately, nowadays, you would be better advised to wait until they respond -- which would answer your doubt -- or do not respond, when you can appear to give them the benefit of the doubt (Miss Manners’ approved way of prompting them) by suggesting that the present must have failed to arrive.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am a teacher, and part of my job is contacting the parents or guardians of students having academic difficulties. I obtain the contact information from an internal school website.

Often, the listed first names of parents are (at least to me) gender indeterminate, and I don’t know whether to start the email with “Mr.” or “Ms.” Using “Dear Mr./Ms.” seems insensitive and borderline offensive.

I imagine this dilemma affects people in non-teaching occupations, as well. Do you have a suggestion on how to deal with this sometimes-awkward issue?

GENTLE READER: Seize the opportunity to use “M.,” with or without an ambiguous squiggle. With any luck, this neutral honorific will catch on and we can begin to obliterate the often-misgendering labels.

People may be confused at first, possibly wondering if you believe that you are addressing a French gentleman, but if we can all push through the awkward phase, we may be on our way to updating society.

By way of thanks, however, please have the courtesy not to point out that Miss Manners herself is still part of the antiquated tradition.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: After social events at our home -- barbecues, dinner parties, holidays -- I always send our guests a note to thank them for coming (and for their side dish, dessert, wine, etc. if they brought something). Unless it’s a very casual event like a weekend cookout, I send written notes. (For last-minute or casual events, I’ll send individual emails.)

My partner feels this is inappropriate and a waste of paper and stamps, and that it is the guests’ responsibility to thank the hosts, not vice versa. I believe that, a) it’s a few minutes and a pittance; b) I really am glad they were there; and c) what’s wrong with a few more thank-you notes in the world?

He also worries that it sounds like I’m fishing for a reciprocal invite, though I never say anything beyond a neutral “I hope we’ll be seeing you again soon!”

GENTLE READER: Reluctant as she is to condemn a thank-you letter, Miss Manners has to agree with your husband -- although not for his reasons.

To thank your guests for coming not-so-subtly points out that they have yet to thank you. Perhaps better to call and have a good gossip over the evening, giving them the chance to thank you for it then. You may commence an unrelated written correspondence anytime after that.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My brother-in-law sends group texts -- mainly to his family, whom I have never met, but I’m included. I find it rude and invasive, plus I don’t like getting constant texts from people I don’t know. It’s similar to party-line phones from when I was very young.

I constantly delete these texts. How do I let him know I don’t want to be included?

GENTLE READER: “New phone, who is this?”

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)