DEAR MISS MANNERS: Coming upon a stranger in the rain, I offered to share my large umbrella with her. She came underneath the umbrella and said, “I suppose that you say that to all pretty ladies.”

I was shocked to have a gesture of simple humanity framed as sexual predation. I said, “Yes, indeed, ma’am. And to all ugly ladies, as well. And also all pretty gentlemen, and ugly gentlemen, too, come to think of it.”

We walked on without another word until parting ways at the next intersection. Naturally, she never thanked me.

Miss Manners can hardly disapprove of affording shelter from the rain to any person, pretty or otherwise, who appears to be in need. Should I have withdrawn the umbrella after her comment, while adding, “Handsome is as handsome does”?

GENTLE READER: Romantic comedies -- and predatory men -- have all but ruined the chivalrous gesture. However, you need not interpret your umbrella companion’s remark as rude. Is it possible that she thought she had suddenly found herself in a “meet cute” and was attempting to be charming in a way that complimented herself, rather than denigrating you?

However, if your suspicions are correct, it is worth noting that we are currently in a climate in which male motivations have proven suspect, particularly when it comes to strangers approaching females unsolicited.

That does not justify retaliating as though your character had been attacked. A reasonable response might have been, “Oh! Well, I was really just trying to protect a fellow human being from the rain ...” letting it trail off, lest you travel down an unwinnable path toward rating her relative beauty.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My name is Elena, and I am typing this question on behalf of Sasha (my daughter/employer). I will pass on any reply.

Dear Miss Manners: What is the proper way to eat crackers? I want to know, because my brother is an extremely messy cracker eater, and I want to set a good example for him. And this is really difficult, because I am only 6 years old and he is 2, and he eats plums very badly, and also peaches, and any type of fruit.

Thank you for writing the big book called “Miss Manners’ Guide to Excruciatingly Correct Behavior,” because I’ve been reading it.

Love from,

Sasha

GENTLE READER: All of the foods you describe are indeed difficult to eat neatly, each for their own reason. Crackers make crumbs, and peaches and plums often create unsightly juice-covered chins.

For the latter, Miss Manners recommends that you and your brother politely ask your mother/employee to cut the fruit into wedges, rather than attempt to bite into it like an apple. As for crackers, they are best eaten in small bites and not by the fistful, with a napkin or plate placed underneath to catch any falling debris.

Miss Manners would like to add that, having admirably fulfilled her duties as messenger and food preparer, your mother surely deserves a raise. Although having such a conscientious and well-read daughter is presumably reward enough.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My husband and I are both retired and normally get along great.

When we have no dinner planned, we both eat leftovers, sometimes at different times. This evening, I sat down for a leftover pork chop, noodles and a glass of merlot. My husband joined me to converse, but was not hungry yet. Then he started talking about his day’s activities.

As background, there’s been a used prophylactic on the street in front of our house for weeks that the street sweeper somehow keeps missing. As I was trying to enjoy my dinner, my husband went into a long discourse about how he removed it from the street

I promptly left the table, stowed my leftovers and ran into our guest room, locking myself in. The only thing I castigate myself about is that I hurled invectives while escaping.

Was I wrong, or was he completely out of line with his chosen subject of dinnertime conversation?

GENTLE READER: It should not require fleeing and swearing to convince someone that when one is eating -- or even when not -- graphic details on unsavory activities are offensive. So is foul language, with or without food.

Miss Manners suggests that after you apologize for your drama, you remind your husband that dinnertime manners and conversation are still required, even if only one party is actually eating.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am a young professional woman who uses a dating app to meet potential suitors. It seems that the traditional rules of correspondence have gotten somewhat muddled.

I use a particular dating app that requires both parties to “match” with each other before they can begin conversing. However, I find that many of the men with whom I match (meaning we have both expressed interest in each other) are taciturn when it comes to actually exchanging messages.

I generally start these conversations with a question about some interest they express in their profile, but their responses are often terse and not accompanied by a similar question for me. I do not want a conversation with a potential mate to feel like pulling teeth, so I have a habit of “unmatching” these men.

What is the appropriate amount of time I should wait, or number of one-sided questions I should answer, before unmatching them? Or is it rude to do at all?

GENTLE READER: The usual rules of socialization apply here; it is just the technology that is different.

If you did not have a successful date with someone, you would not make another. But you also would not call them to tell them to stop contacting you. After a conversation’s worth of tersely answered questions, Miss Manners recommends that you simply stop pursuing the relationship. If the gentleman wants to know why, he can follow up with an interesting question himself.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: When a colleague informs us of taking time off to attend a funeral, is there a polite way to ask who died?

GENTLE READER: Because you want to issue a more personal and heartfelt condolence? Or to find out if the relationship with the deceased genuinely merits missing work?

Miss Manners is trying not to suspect the latter. But “I am so sorry. Were you close?” should politely cover both options. She warns you to resist persisting further, however, if the answer is simply “yes.”

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: When I was growing up, my mother always advised me to call friends between approximately 10 a.m. and 8 p.m. to avoid disturbing them, unless they had specifically advised me to reach them at other times.

Since the advent of cellphones, I find that I have been receiving calls and texts at all hours of the day and night! (None of which are regarding emergencies, by the way.) Is this the new norm?

Now I feel that I need to advise new friends and acquaintances to please call or text me only during certain hours unless it’s an emergency. I say it apologetically and explain that I work later hours, etc. Am I being too old-fashioned?

GENTLE READER: The etiquette on this was evolving even before the pandemic, at which point it collapsed completely. In the absence of weekdays or weekends, commutes or offices, school days or school holidays, work hours or nonwork hours, every daylight hour started to look the same.

Although she is not one to bend etiquette rules to convenience, Miss Manners nevertheless recognizes that the old rule was motivated by technological constraints. For many years, there was no way to silence a landline telephone that did not require subsequent repairs. This is no longer the case. Friends who call at all hours are still being inconsiderate; they should know that they might be waking you up.

However, you need not inform them what time they may call as you can enforce obedience by -- and Miss Manners realizes she is about to make a shocking suggestion -- turning off your phone. You are probably not the one to handle their emergencies anyway.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My friend had a conflict with her now-former roommate when they were each moving out last month. When my friend rented a moving van, the roommate asked if she could borrow it to move her stuff across town. My friend was moving across state lines, and needed the van for much longer than the roommate did. The final rental cost was about $600.

My friend believes that the price should be split equally between them; the ex-roommate thinks that because she only used it for a couple of hours, she only owes $50.

I kind of agree with the roommate. But I feel awkward, because my friend was looking for someone to commiserate with her on how badly she got ripped off by this jerk.

I didn’t understand why she was so upset, and kind of froze. I eventually just said, “Yeah, that sounds annoying.” What would you do?

GENTLE READER: What you did is acceptable and also makes your point, albeit while leaving you feeling awkward.

Miss Manners assumes you are interested in avoiding the awkwardness next time -- not in advocating for the ex-roommate. To do that, you need merely shorten the gap between your casual agreement and your changing the subject.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)