DEAR MISS MANNERS: A business associate bought me an expensive watch to celebrate completing a deal. I wear it whenever I see him, and he never fails to compliment it. But it’s not really my taste, so otherwise it sits in a box at home.

I recently moved homes, and the movers decided to relieve me of the watch, as I had not secured the box.

Next time I see the giver, what do I do? I could replace it, but it’s not where I would prefer to spend my own money. I could fib that it’s out for service. I could tell the truth, but that might sound like I’m asking for another watch.

With no travel currently happening, I have time to await your wise reply.

GENTLE READER: “I am devastated that the watch you gave me somehow got lost in our move. But I am determined to find it, and will not stop looking until I have.”

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am writing on behalf of a not-for-profit organization. We often have donations made in memory of someone, and we send their families a letter notifying them of the donation.

A young man in our community passed away, and his parents are no longer together. Should we send a donation notification letter to the young man’s mother, father, or one to each of them?

GENTLE READER: One to each. That way, they both have the opportunity to acknowledge the donation. Especially during this tragic time, Miss Manners feels strongly that it would be doing the parents a particular kindness not to give the impression that one parent was better liked than the other.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am planning an outdoor children’s party. Is it tacky to mention to the guests that the food is organic?

It’s not something that can be noticed through taste, and I think the parents will be glad to know that the fruits and veggies their toddlers will (hopefully) be eating are free from harmful pesticides.

Or does it sound like boasting? I think it’s different from saying “These shoes are limited-edition,” because guests will actually get to share the good stuff. Plus, organic food is a health consideration rather than a status symbol.

GENTLE READER: Is it? Some may disagree.

Miss Manners will not argue with you. But she will point out that telling everyone that the food you are serving is not harmful to them plants the idea that other people’s party food was -- which, even if true, is not polite. Best to wait until asked about, or complimented on, the food -- then you can say, “I am so glad you like it. We got it from this little organic place. I can give you the name of it if you’re interested.”

DEAR MISS MANNERS: What is the proper office microwave etiquette, normally? And how does COVID change this?

GENTLE READER: The basic rules are: Take turns, do not cook smelly food, and clean up after yourself. COVID recommendations would also mandate maintaining a safe distance in the break room -- so probably only one person in it at a time. Fortunately, Miss Manners finds that that distance also helps with the smelly food rule -- in the very likely event that it gets broken.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I was at a small, socially distanced church service at a church I don’t regularly go to, although I have been there a couple of times over the past year. A few people there may recognize me.

At the end of the service, the priest announced that it was a parishioner’s 88th birthday. The gentleman in question appeared young and spritely for his age. As I was getting ready to leave, this gentleman approached me, and I wished him a happy birthday. He told me that we had met before, and even had dinner once. He listed off a few names of people who were at this supposed dinner, and then said it was at a certain resort in the 1980s.

Being several decades younger than him, my first thought was, “Oh my, do I look 88 years old?” However, he approached me with such sincerity and confidence that I realized he really did believe I was someone he had dinner with 40 years ago.

I laughed and said that it couldn’t have been me as I was a teenager in the ‘80s, and lived in Florida. He looked a little taken aback, then thanked me for his birthday wishes and walked away.

Having several friends who are dealing with parents with medical conditions that affect their memory, I realize now that maybe there was a more compassionate way to handle the situation. As I age, there may be more situations in which conversations like this arise. What is the best way to respond that would save face for everyone involved?

GENTLE READER: Two offenses were given: neither intentional, both related to age. You were offended when the gentleman mistook you for someone his age; he was offended when you laughed at the idea, thereby emphasizing his own advanced age. (On the positive side, you did not voice your guess that he is going senile.)

Why people are offended about growing older puzzles Miss Manners, but etiquette is about avoiding offending others -- reasonably or not, intentionally or not. The solution here is to edit out all the unnecessary information. Merely mistaking one person for another is slightly embarrassing, but, if handled properly, nothing more.

Miss Manners would therefore have answered with a charming smile and said that while it sounds like a lovely dinner, you are reasonably confident it was someone else -- that you are sorry to have missed the event, but you have never had the pleasure of visiting that resort.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My son, 28, and I enjoy golfing together. We are both in good condition and carry our clubs on the course.

A woman I don’t know at the country club recently asked, “Is this your grandson?” Surprised, I just said “No.” Was there a better answer to a question that seemed snarky? Or was I reading too much into it?

GENTLE READER: There are two possible outcomes to such an exchange: The woman walks away embarrassed, or you do. As you were minding your own business, Miss Manners assumes you would prefer the former.

Your response, expressing surprise without snark, is the correct one, and will accomplish this. You may even twist the knife by adding a friendly, open smile, as if to indicate how humorous it is that anyone could draw such a conclusion.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am a lowly communications professional at a technology firm. When we have video calls with upper-level people, our wonderful leader spits tobacco juice into a clear plastic bottle. On camera.

He spits elegantly, but I still want him to stop because it’s gross. He’s chewed tobacco since he was a young man, and when we’re in the office, he also does it elegantly and turns away when he spits. Quite unobtrusive. But when he does it on camera, it makes me, his communications adviser, want to hit him with a large stick.

I am glad we’re working from home. How does one politely notify a senior executive that he has a disgusting habit?

GENTLE READER: No matter how wonderful your leader is, Miss Manners doubts anyone’s ability to spit elegantly.

As a lowly employee, your ability to correct his behavior is limited. But as his communications adviser -- with the best interests of the company, and your leader, at heart -- you have greater latitude. Explain to him that some of the customers have expressed concern about his on-camera habit. You wonder if he is aware that this new technology makes every action more noticeable than it is in person, and you were sure he would want to know.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My common sense and my upbringing are in conflict. Based on my upbringing, if I am invited to a wedding, I always send a gift. No exceptions. Even if I do not plan to attend, and even if I am mystified as to how I made the list in the first place. After all, they extended one of their limited invites to me.

In this time of COVID, however, I have begun to receive invitations to attend/watch virtual, livestreamed weddings. In these cases, there is no limit on the number of people a couple can invite. In many cases, I feel like the only explanation for my invitation is that they invited everyone on an email list (e.g., all members of a church or synagogue).

This feels more like a fundraising solicitation than a real wedding invitation! My common sense tells me that there is no need to send a gift just because I am invited to stream a wedding, unless I have enough of a relationship to the couple that I would have at least considered attending a physical wedding.

What do you think? Are the rules different now? Does an invitation to a virtual wedding require a real gift? Does it matter whether I receive a physical invitation or just an evite?

GENTLE READER: Although she does not wish to criticize your upbringing or your generosity, Miss Manners must protest that requesting a waiver from a rule that does not exist puts her at a disadvantage. Presents are given voluntarily; they are never mandatory. No exceptions.

You are therefore free not to participate -- so long as you keep to yourself your feeling that the invitation is brazen gift-fishing.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)