The guests were assigned to either bring a pie and/or some wine. That was their only contribution. After the meal was over, my partner's daughter got up from the table and opened a large backpack, which I had assumed was for the toddler's things.

Nope. It was full of food containers. She asked if I wanted any leftovers, to which I said, "Yes, of course."

She then proceeded to take all the best cuts of the turkey, all the trimmings and side dishes, the stuffing that was in the bird (the best part) and even 90% of the leftover desserts -- a pie she brought, a pecan pie I provided and a cake her mother-in-law made. She left us one piece of pecan and two small pieces of pumpkin.

I was so flabbergasted, I couldn't speak. I thought the Grinch Who Stole Christmas had arrived early. She just packed it all up and left.

I still cannot get over it. I am angry, resentful and more than annoyed. It is not that I wouldn't have offered her some leftovers. Of course I would. But she just marched in as if they were hers.

Her father said nothing, and I know better than to broach the subject with him. Not wise.

Am I being too sensitive? I thought it was just about the rudest, most entitled and most disrespectful behavior I'd ever witnessed and I took it entirely personally, as an affront toward me and my position in the family. I am not her meal cooker or servant. I lost all respect for her. What would you suggest I do?

GENTLE READER: Serve plated food at Christmas, accepting no contributions from others.

Of course it was rude and crass, but so many people are doing this that you should not take it personally. Miss Manners has speculated on the possible reasons:

1. So many meals -- not just holiday feasts -- are now cooperative that those who bring food are sharing the duties of the host, and claiming the privileges.

2. The habit of eating in restaurants, where diners may take home the leftover food for which they have paid, has unfortunately been extended to private dinners.

3. An adult child may feel that her parent's home is still her own, which includes raiding the refrigerator.

4. Rampant greed is everywhere, and people are grabbing whatever they can get away with taking.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My niece is getting married, and she informed me that to save money, they would not be inviting my husband to the wedding, as well as a few other spouses of possible attendees.

I have never heard of this. Is that mannerly?

GENTLE READER: Did she say "nyah, nyah" when issuing this non-invitation? She might as well have. Miss Manners need hardly say that admitting to preferring to do away with someone's presence, and pocket the money it might cost to entertain him, is not charming.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have been friends with someone for many years. For the most part, he is a lovely and thoughtful person and has given us gifts over the years, some of which we have used and others not so much.

When I was cleaning out a closet, I came upon something that had not been used for a while and asked him if he would like the item back. He replied that he checks the closet whenever he comes to our house and noticed the item still had not been used.

I was somewhat taken aback that someone would do this (snoop in a closet), and did not know how to respond.

GENTLE READER: "Oh dear. So that's where you disappeared. We'll have to work on being more entertaining so that we don't lose you to our private rooms."

For your own edification, Miss Manners assures you that snooping is a transgression, but so is offering to give a present back. But she supposes that you learned that lesson already from your friend's response.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My husband and I enjoy hosting dinner parties in our home. My husband does not drink alcohol, and I recently decided to stop drinking for health reasons. My close friends know that I stopped drinking and are generally supportive, but I have not told others.

In the past, our dinner parties always included wine, beer and perhaps a signature cocktail. We did not serve alcohol at a recent family dinner party, and I think my brother-in-law was disappointed.

In the future, must we serve alcohol? If we don't plan to serve alcohol at a party, what is the best way to convey that to our guests beforehand? I don't mind serving alcohol, and I don't mind others drinking around me, but I think it's best not to keep any alcohol in the house.

If we do serve alcohol at a party, would it be rude to ask a guest to take away any leftovers? (I suppose we could dispose of it down the drain, but what a waste for those poor grapes to have died in vain, particularly if the bottle was not opened.) And if a guest brings alcohol as a gift, what is the most polite way to handle it?

GENTLE READER: Serve it to them. Here is an exception to Miss Manners' rule that guests should not bring food or drink when they are about to be served food or drink. You should not solicit it, but when the inevitable question of "What can we bring?" comes up, you may respond, "Thank you. We should have everything, but Murray and I don't drink alcohol anymore, so if there's something special you would like, we can either get it for you or it would be lovely for you to bring it."

Then they will have been forewarned when you pack it up for them at the end of the night.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Is it proper to wear dress pants instead of a dress or skirt to the party celebrating my husband and me on our 50th anniversary?

GENTLE READER: As you are the host (or presumably in close contact with the person who is), you may set the style.

Please promise Miss Manners, however, that you will not confuse your guests by trying to indicate the level of dress on the invitation with meaningless terms like "semi-formal," "creative cocktail" or "festive casual." The degree of formality should be indicated by the invitation's delivery system (electronic vs. cream linen stationery), wording ("Come on over!" vs. "The pleasure of your company is requested"), venue (backyard vs. hotel ballroom) or simply by knowing you for the better part of 50 years.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: What, pray tell, is a "pre-wedding toast" event?

A longtime, but casual, friend -- the father of the bride, whom I have never met -- has sent an electronic invitation (about which I will say nothing) to attend "Bride and Groom's Pre-Wedding Toast." It is an afternoon event on a certain date at a certain location. That is the entire message in the invitation.

No method to RSVP is provided. I will, therefore, respond to the gentleman's personal email address -- while refraining from clicking the tempting "unsubscribe" link within the invitation.

Although I am unable to attend, I would appreciate knowing what is expected at such an event, if I were to receive such an invitation again in the future. Would one be expected to provide a gift to the betrothed couple? What would one expect to occur at the event itself, other than smiling and offering best wishes or congratulations to the appropriate parties?

GENTLE READER: While Miss Manners shares your confusion (and distaste for the method of delivery), the purpose of the party seems to be stated in its title: to announce an engagement. And trusting that the invitee has the means to figure how to contact the host for an RSVP is correct.

What this vague invitation does have going for it is that unlike an engagement party, this event does not force its attendees to start the long path to wedding present fatigue, years in advance. It simply celebrates the betrothed with a modest party and a toast, as it should be.

However, it is also possible that if the event is right before the actual wedding, you are being invited to an adjacent event rather than the wedding itself. But again, no presents are being demanded, and for that we should be grateful. Either way, Miss Manners will take the win and suggests that you do, too.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I'm old-fashioned: I believe the most appropriate response to hospitality is reciprocation. Is there a polite way to tell a non-reciprocator that repeatedly making vague invitations (e.g. "Jenny and I want to have you over for dinner sometime soon") is irritating and that you would like them to stop making them?

GENTLE READER: "We would love that. When is good?"

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)