DEAR MISS MANNERS: My husband and I are in our mid-30s. My husband has a twin sister who is married with two children. We haven't seen them in some time due to the pandemic, but they called and asked us to come help them redo their bathroom this weekend. They said they were no longer worried about the pandemic, as we live in a very remote area and all self-quarantine.

They then gave us a list of gifts that their children would like for Christmas. When we asked about their plans for Christmas, and offered to either host or go to them, they said that they probably would not feel comfortable getting together due to the pandemic. They said we could drop off the gifts Christmas morning and wave.

Now we are feeling a bit used, as we are going to spend 8+ hours doing their bathroom in close contact. I want to keep the gifts here until they actually want to see us, but my husband thinks we should just send the gifts and get it over with. What are your thoughts?

GENTLE READER: That you and your husband should not feel comfortable renovating his sister's bathroom because of the pandemic. Or, for that matter, doing the shopping for people who do not care to see you socially.

No, wait. This is your husband's twin, and it's the Christmas season. Miss Manners should be a bit more charitable.

She suggests you wish them a merry Christmas and say you will postpone the present exchanges until they feel safe. Whether you will feel bound to use the gift list -- or fix the bathroom -- depends on just how charitable you can manage to feel.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: We have some former neighbors we became friends with before we both moved away. In the past, it was always nice catching up with them through their annual Christmas letter: hearing about their travels and finding out how their children were doing as adults.

A few years ago, they started putting in a paragraph about politics, which I find inappropriate. I'm sure it doesn't help that their political views are polar opposites from ours, but it never seemed to affect our relationship as neighbors. I just don't think a Christmas newsletter is the place to push a political agenda.

It has gotten to the point where we stopped sending them a card at Christmas, but theirs keep coming anyway. We did enjoy keeping in touch in the past, so is there a polite way to address the issue? Or is not sending them a card the best way?

GENTLE READER: What is the issue you want to address? That you find their Christmas letter offensive?

You don't have to read it, and sooner or later they will stop. Christmas letter-senders always keep a double checklist, and two or three unresponsive years should do it.

But perhaps you would like to keep the tie. In that case, Miss Manners suggests waiting a while and writing them a letter or an email that is not associated with a holiday, but simply provides your family's news and asks for an update on theirs.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: There seems to be an etiquette ritual of politely protesting when someone offers to do something nice for you. For example:

Person 1: Lunch today is my treat.

Person 2: Oh, that's not necessary. You don't need to do that.

Person 1: But I insist.

Is this necessary? Or is it proper to just graciously accept and thank the other person without the ritual protesting?

I ask because someone recently offered to buy my lunch, then accused me of "giving up too quickly" when my response was "Thank you, that's very nice of you."

GENTLE READER: If it was not a genuine offer, it should not have been issued. Adding "I insist" could help deflect the charade.

But regardless, you have Miss Manners' permission to accept the first time. With the caveat that next time, you will reciprocate the gesture.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Four years ago, I lost 70 pounds. Even though I am still considered overweight, I have maintained my weight loss and healthy lifestyle through diet and exercise.

Despite this, every time the new year comes around, it never fails that some stranger at the gym will say, "Working on a New Year's resolution?" or "Trying to get back in shape?" or "Committing to a healthier lifestyle?"

I find this really offensive, as it implies that I've just started going to the gym, when the reality is that I work out and diet right up until Christmas Eve and start up again a couple of days later.

It also bothers me because no one ever talks to me at the gym except on these occasions. I'm at a point in my life where I'm tired of smiling politely to put a complete stranger at ease, yet I don't want to compromise my integrity by being rude. What sort of response is appropriate?

GENTLE READER: "Aren't we all here to get healthier?"

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My spouse and I received a wedding invitation. We do not know the couple, but the groom is the son of a formerly close friend we seldom see. They have planned an expensive wedding followed by a very expensive honeymoon.

Usually we use a wedding registry as indicative of a couple's taste and try to select something they will enjoy, though not necessarily from their registry. In this case, they have registered only for money for their honeymoon and future lives.

Would we be inappropriate if we declined the wedding invitation, thus saving them the cost of two guests, and sent a donation to a charity in honor of their wedding?

GENTLE READER: Everyone except Miss Manners seems to think that giving to charity is so noble that it should substitute for giving presents, and also that it can be mandated by people who expect presents. Philanthropy is a wonderful thing, but it does not cancel social conventions.

The good news for you is that you have no obligation to attend this wedding, or to put money into it. As you express no interest in the couple, that seems the sensible solution.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My loving daughter and her husband have been having dinner every night with us since my wife and I have both been too ill to cook. They bring their meal to our house and share with us. They have been extremely generous and helpful during our recovery time.

My son-in-law has started an irritating habit of holding up fingers as I am talking, supposedly indicating the number of times he has heard the story I am telling. This was somewhat amusing the first time or two, but has gotten to the point where I don't want to say much of anything at the table.

How should this be handled? We love them both dearly and need and appreciate their help very much.

GENTLE READER: Appeal to your daughter: "I am afraid that I bore Rupert with my stories. Perhaps if you have heard them before, you can just gently remind me and I will start another subject."

DEAR MISS MANNERS: When I bring a dish to a gathering, is it proper for another guest to add seasonings to it to suit their taste? I believe it's only right to season the food you've taken, not the entire dish. Two family members are always trying to adjust the food for everyone to their specific tastes.

GENTLE READER: It is both rude and presumptuous. As the cook, you certainly seasoned your food with general tastes in mind. Miss Manners therefore advises you to keep the lid on until eating time -- or put a platter directly on the table, where people can take portions and over-salt it themselves.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Is it bad manners for the host of a shower to play the games and win the prizes?

I co-hosted a baby shower at work with two of my co-workers. We played several games with small prizes. We also had a diaper raffle, and the prize was much larger -- worth more than $50. The raffle continued after the shower through the end of the day.

I was horrified and embarrassed to learn that the winner of the diaper raffle was one of my co-hosts. It never occurred to me to say the hosts should not play the games or win the prizes. I just assumed that went without saying. I feel it was very rude of her to claim her winnings and collect her prize when we were the ones who paid for it. Am I wrong in thinking this way?

GENTLE READER: Who thought that giving away money for a non-work-related event -- at work, no less -- was a good idea? Before we cast aspersions on recouping losses, Miss Manners would like to start there.

This whole event seems misguided, start to finish. If you are going to play silly games and celebrate a co-worker, fine, but please leave cash prizes out of it, especially in the workplace. Even if that was the only incentive for anyone to attend. Or, it seems, to host.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)